Mommy, Send Me An Angel
by deideiblueeyez
Summary: Three-year-old Miko has endured the horrors of sexual abuse by her father's clients her entire life. After a chaotic infiltration, she is "adopted" by a blond stranger wearing a black cloak with red clouds. In her new home, "normality" is alien and frightening. What are his intentions? Is there any hope of him healing the scars adorning her heart, her mind, her very skin?
1. Rescued from Hell

Miko sat in the cold dark cell, alone, in pain, and afraid.

She did not know where she was, or who had placed her here in this scary place, but she wanted someone, anyone, to find her, and rescue her.

She did remember one thing though, before blacking out:

**That man.**

That man with the yellow hair and blue eyes and black cloak with red clouds on it. He must've brought her here.

Miko wriggled around in the bloody sheet that was wrapped around her. She let in a sharp intake of breath when her inner thighs stung painfully; her head pounded a steady rhythm, and her back ached terribly.

That's right: Daddy had given her a customer to pleasure before she got here...

* * *

_Miko lay on her bed, crying softly...and bleeding. The naked customer beside her sat up and proceeded to put his boxers and pants on. _

_"Not bad girl, not bad." He muttered. "More than I expected from a three-year-old."_

_Miko waited patiently until he closed the door to her room before wrapping herself in the sheet on her bed, which had blotches of dried blood and semen all over the mattress._

_She began sobbed quietly, letting the tears trickle down her pale cheeks. _

'W-Why?... W-Why d-does this keep happening to m-me_?' She whispered in her head._

_A few minutes later, her ears perked up to the sound of a bloodcurdling scream outside her room, then a muffled boom that shook the bed and made plaster fall from the cracked ceiling._

'W-What's happening?'_ She thought out of natural in-born childish curiosity and apprehension._

_She heard the doorknob jiggle, but no one entered because the stranger had locked it when he left. Miko attempted to rise from the bed, but her legs hurt so much that she couldn't move. She covered herself with the sheet to hide from the intruder trying to enter her room._

_Almost as soon as she was completely shrouded in the thin fabric, Miko heard another boom, louder this time, closer. She held her breath as the door blasted apart, along with some of the wall. _

_The dust from the explosion made it difficult for her to see through the sheet, but when it cleared, she could see the rough outline of two figures. They were shadows on the other side of the fabric, blurry colored ghosts._

_Miko's heart pounded in her chest a hundred miles a minute as one individual stepped towards the bed, their feet crunching on the plaster and wood that littered the floor. Miko dared not move, but she so desperately wanted to; she was frozen. She saw it reach down and grasp the sheet, tugging at it firmly._

_The naked girl was unveiled before him, and oh so very vulnerable. Miko gasped quietly at the new breeze that hit her bare, white skin; a draft was blowing through the new hole where the door once was, bringing new air to the foul, stale room where she had always resided. Timidly, she raised her head to gaze upon the intruders._

_She couldn't see their faces well, for they were overshadowed by the dim light and the large straw hats with long white ribbons trailing _(Miko noticed that, whenever they moved, a little tinkling of bells could be heard. Looking closely, it was revealed that indeed, their hats were adorned with hanging needles, and attached to those needles were tiny bells. How odd...)_ , but what she could make out were their clothes._

_Both wore identical black cloaks with red clouds on them. Very long they were, hiding their hands with a collar that also hid the lower half of their faces._

_One had long sleek, shiny, yellow hair that covered half the face, and the other had a short messy red that shrouded his eyes. Add the long hair on both men, the large coats and hats, it was impossible to find out their identity, in Miko's eyes. But she was sure she would not have recognized them without the get-up. She didn't know many people, truth be told._

_They were both men, though. Both very intimidating to the young child._

_The yellow haired figure, who was the taller of the two, held the sheet in his hand, and smirked behind the high lip of his black collar. _

_"Look, Sasori-no-Danna, I found someone, un."_

_"I can see that, brat." The one with the red hair replied coldly. He removed his hat, resulting in more sweet tinkling of those little bells as he did so. His hair was an unruly carmine which complimented what Miko could see of his cherubic face. His eyes were half-open and the color of a pastel brown. Overall, it gave Miko the impression that he was about to fall asleep._

_The red one took a step closer to the nasty bed, and Miko hugged herself, making sure to hide the between of her legs very well._

_"Pitiful." he muttered, reaching down with a long-sleeved hand to touch her. Miko panicked, and quickly executed the only form of defense she could at the time:_

_She clamped her little teeth down on the man's hand._

_Miko winced a little as her gums immediately began ache; such a throbbing pain! She had expected to bite into skin. But this! This was as hard as—as—as wood!_

_The man stared, then proceeded to titter in amusement and without mirth, not seeming to be affected by the futile attack by the child in the slightest. He lifted his arm experimentally, and the girl held on, grabbing a hold of his sleeve with both hands and clutching for dear life. _

_Another laugh reached her ears, crueler and colder than before._

_"This brat is spunky, I'll give her that..—." He bent his elbow so his hand grazed his breast and swiftly snapped it back straight. Miko let go despite herself and bulleted past his long-haired partner, who turned his head to follow her progress across the room. _

_She put her small, infantile hands out in front of her face to shield herself from the impact of the stone-grey wall. Her head slammed into the barrier and Miko felt her back crack painfully. She fell, eyes closed, to the floor, whimpering pitifully. The scent of sawdust and rubble filled her mouth and nose, and she coughed and spat it out._

_Miko sat up to find the evil man standing before her. She held her hands out again as his hand came at her again. She could see the little dents where she had bitten him._

_She gave a sharp cry as she was lifted by her short, dark hair. The stranger's hand was a fist in the child's locks, and he held a deaf ear to the yelps of pain and small moans emitted from the little imp._

—_But that can be quickly fixed." he finished. He looked to his partner-in-crime, who remained static, looking dumb and useless with a blank expression behind the cloak and hat. He was still holding onto the linen._

_"Well?" he asked, beginning to get impatient very quickly now. His partner didn't react at first. _

_"Well what?"_

_"Deidara, you are useless!" Miko let out a little squeak of protest, for the pain in her scalp was becoming unbearable fast. She was about to scream, but it died when something cold and sharp was placed underneath her small chin. She looked to the left to find that evil man looking to her with cold eyes. Everything else on his face was blank, stoic, unreal. _

_Tears came to her eyes, and when all hope seemed lost, the partner of the would-be Miko murderer spoke._

_"Sasori-no-Danna, wait. She's just a kid un." Miko heard something in his voice. Concern? Worry?_

_The redhead did not yield, neither his hold on her hair nor the position of his kunai against the girl's throat._

_"So? You've never had a problem with me killing children before." He shook her small, thin body a little for emphasis. Miko held back a cry._

_The other took a step forward to the pair. "True, but I think we should leave this one alone. She's obviously been used as a prostitute. Look how bad she is un." _

_Sasori took a moment to do a once-over at the product of a whore he held in his hand. Scars, bruises, dried blood and semen splattering her buttocks...  
_.  
._  
_**Worthless trash**_.  
_.  
.

_"Another reason to murder this whelp. One less mouth to feed. One less parentless child that will most likely contribute nothing to society." _

_"Danna, that's pretty harsh. Look at her, she's shaking un!" He gestured to Miko, and indeed she was. It was getting to be so cold... She just wanted to lie on the dirty, old bed and nap..She wanted those two go away, just go away, and never come back. Their voices were hurting her ears._

_"Oh, will you shut up already?" Sasori snarled at his suddenly sentimental junior, "I don't care what we do with it! Why don't you take it with us, hm? Maybe you can be its Daddy! I just want to be out of this dump and on the road to the Rain village before sundown!"_

'God! Why is it that every mission I go on with this brat I always find myself screaming at him?_' Sasori thought bitterly. _

_He watched through narrowing eyes as his partner gasped in excitement._

_"That's a great idea, Danna! I can be her Daddy un!"_

_Sasori sighed in defeat, and dropped the arm that held the kunai. He stowed it in his sleeve, and sighed again, tiredly._

_"Fine, do whatever you want with her. But I am not being held responsible in the slightest!" And with that, the weary man released his hold on the girl, sending her crumbling to the floor. _

_She landed on the insulation, splintered wood, and plaster. It wasn't a very comfortable landing, to say the least..There was dust in her eyes, in her nose, and it was a supporting cause of the tears falling down her face._

_There was the sound of crunching plaster and wood splintering again, and then it stopped. Right next to her...  
_.

._  
__**The tinkling of bells... the whisper of cloth...the breath of a man...the tears of a child…  
**_.

._  
Wrapped in thin linen, cradled in strong, steady arms.. as though cherished, beloved. Miko glanced up, and noticed immediately that the stranger's crown was bare of the hat. She took this moment to study his character: _

_He had golden blonde hair, and she saw that he had half of it up in a high ponytail, held with a scarlet ribbon. The untethered part fell over the left side of his face in a long wave. He wore a headband and there in the middle was a symbol. Miko had seen a few men with headbands that were engraved with symbols, but she had never seen this one before. It looked like a big rock that had a small chunk broken away. He had lightly tanned skin and sharp blue eyes; they seemed to analyze what was brought before him, and he looked like someone who would judge accordingly, yet sometimes make mistakes all the same. _

_"Hm?" The man had caught her staring. He leaned his head forward, and gave her a smile. Miko's breath caught in her chest, weighing her down, making it difficult for her brain to will anything to move._

_The smirk was crooked and seemed to hold many messages for her all at once:  
_.

_Teasing and cruel.._

_Haughty and stubborn..._

_Kind and sympathetic.._

_Comforting and safe.._

_Trustworthy and...and..  
_.

.  
._  
__**Gentle.  
**__. _

_"C'mon Sasori-no-Danna, let's go un." His hand was in her hair now, but instead of pulling, he began to stroke softly, massaging her scalp here and there, relieving the sharp stinging pain that his partner had caused a few moments before. Miko's shoulders, which had been nearly raised up to her ears at the thought of more hair-pulling, relaxed themselves. _

_He had by now turned, and was making his way towards that drafty hole in the wall where the two men had made their entrance. She was leaving with him, Miko realized, with them._

_The irritated 'Sasori' expressed his annoyance and displeasure with a simple 'Tch'. _

_The last bit of memory Miko had of this incident before blacking out was the sight of her last customer, slumped against the wall with his face blasted apart and his brain matter a bloody splatter on the wall behind him..._

* * *

Light flooded into the small, dark room as the cell door softly creaked open; Miko didn't bother lifting her head to see who it was.

She didn't need to, for she already knew who it was as he quietly closed the door and strolled over to where she crouched against the stone-cold wall of the depressing room.

**That man.**

He knelt down in front of her, and stared at her with those sharp blue eyes of his.

"Hey un." Miko didn't reply, but stared fearfully at him with wide eyes, terrified of what he might have in store for her.

He silently reached for a corner of her sheet and pulled, trying to open up the cloth round her legs. Miko shoved his hand away.

"N-Nah! Nah!" He ignored her.

"I want to see your legs, little girl. I want to know if you're still hurt, un." He explained, calm and soft. He made attempt after attempt, but she still kept batting his hands away in frustration and growing hysteria.

"N-Nah, n-nah! Gnah!"

Miko didn't mean to be so unreasonable, she wanted him to help her, but…she really didn't know what she wanted from him, in truth.

His hand suddenly made its way to her face, and Miko did the same thing to him as she had done to his partner: She immediately sank her teeth into his hand.

Miko was thankful that his hand was real skin and not wooden, like the redhead had been, but she regretted it all the same. Her bottom jaw felt something weird sliding in his palm. Something warm and wet…

"OW UN!" The man grabbed at her hair with his free hand, and after some grunting and prying of her jaws, roughly ripped his hand away from the hold she had on him, pushing her back to the wall and him falling on his backside in the process.

Miko watched in curiosity and with slight apprehension as he nursed his hand, shaking it in the air as if it were burning. He shot her a look of pure malice that made Miko instantly regret what she had just done.

They both had eyes locked on each other, and Deidara shuffled on his knees towards her. He stopped not even a foot from where she sat.

He smirked down at her, his face cast in a sinister shadow.

"You're gonna pay for that, you ungrateful brat." He muttered. Miko noticed that the nasally 'un' at the end of his sentence had disappeared.

She gulped.

In a blur, Miko's body traveled from side of the cell to another. Her still-hurting body slammed against the stone wall and was then sent tumbling to the floor face first. The cycle repeated itself three more times before Miko made a sound.

"M-MOMMY!"

Deidara paused, about to grab the girl again for another throw.

**Mommy? **

The sadism and thoughts of short-term vengeance that clouded his eyes now faded away. What was he doing, hurting an innocent little girl like this? She didn't mean to bite him. She was scared, that's all.

He was an S-rank criminal, but he, like most of the others in the Akatsuki, had morals.

Deidara reached down to take the girl in his arms like he had before when he first met her, to apologize and say that he had been way out of line, but she screamed as if in pure agony the second his fingertips touched the bloody sheet.

"M-Mama!" she cried.

Deidara quickly jerked his hand back, grimacing.

He took a deep breath, let it out, and tried once more.

Deidara grabbed her small shoulders, hauling her up in a sitting position. She thrashed around and screamed and sobbed as if any attempts to hold her would result in burning her alive.

She backed herself up into a corner in the desperation of a wild animal that does not want to be caught. Deidara shuffled after her, closing her in with outstretched arms, blocking any means of escape.

Miko's thoughts screamed in her in head. 'I don't want to, I don't want to, I don't want to! Mommy! Please help me, please! Make him go away! PLEASE!'

"Mama!" she sobbed, "Mama, Mama, Mama!"

"Calm down little girl, it's alright un!" Deidara yelled impatiently over her hysterics. She didn't seem to hear him at all, but continued to sob louder.

Deidara took her bundled-up body and shook it violently in an attempt to disrupt her wailing.

"CALM DOWN NOW, YOU'RE OKAY!" Deidara exclaimed. But she still wouldn't listen!

He realized that he'd have to knock some sense into her. Damn.

"I'm sorry un." he apologized somberly, raising a hand to her face...

**SLAP. **

Miko's head snapped to the side from the sharp blow, which immediately ceased all the noise she had been busy making. There were tears that were beginning to collect in her large, frightened eyes.

She inhaled shakily, hunching down to protect herself.

"...You're okay now un..." He repeated, softly.

His demeanor had now completely changed; all traces of hostility and anger were gone. In their place were the looks of sympathy and concern for her. Compassion for the poor girl.

But he was playing a trick. Miko had seen this a thousand times before. They pretended to calm down, but then would strike again, harder, when she was most vulnerable.

Deidara attempted to reach out and touch the girl, to apologize for his outlandish (yet necessary) behavior a moment ago, but she whimpered and leaned away from his hand.

But she had nowhere else to go being in a corner and all, so he could finally touch her without resistance.

He stroked the girl's red cheek with a gentle hand, soothing her flaming, stinging face with the slow caresses of his fingers and thumb.

Miko cried ever so softly from the seemingly sinister hand as it slowly rubbed against her burning face.

**No... please..no...don't...hurt..me...please...**

But soon, against her better judgment, she was resting her head in the soft palm.

She didn't want anymore pain. To achieve that she needed to give in to the man. He had the power now, but that wouldn't stop Miko from trying to beg for her savior.

"M-Mama." She whimpered softly, the tears slowly falling from her half-closed, pain-clouded eyes.

"Shh shh, little girl, it's okay un." His voice was barely a whisper, yet it carried throughout the chamber and echoed in her small ears.

Miko saw him shuffle a little bit closer to her, so close that he was nearly on top of her. Even from a perfectly safe distance away, she could feel his warm breath as he exhaled through slightly-parted lips; she had expected one as intimidating as he to emit a foul odor that would quickly leave one as young as her nauseous, as was the case from so many men she had the misfortune to meet. But it was not so, it just smelt…warm.

Gentle fingers tried to brush the droplets of pain and fear away from the little girl's cheeks, but no matter how hard Deidara tried, they only seemed to multiply and continue their rivers down the three-year-old's face.

"M-Mah-Mama…"

**"Shhh un."**

Miko could hear faint snaps, and realized that the man was unbuttoning his cloak, busying himself by taking his time to watch his fingers do their thing.

She closed her eyes and hid her face in her dirty hands. She didn't want to see him strip in front of her.

Deidara slowly gathered the small child into his arms, leaving the dirty sheet behind. He was very careful as he lifted the girl up, supporting the head and making sure that he was not groping her more than absolutely necessary in some areas.

He let the clearly weary child rest her little head against his warm chest within the open cloak; the man turned around and began heading toward the door.

Miko closed her eyes to the bright light that pricked at the corners of her vision as he walked out of the dreaded cell...

* * *

Miko shivered against the man's breast out of pure fear. Thoughts were running through her head at an alarming rate, swirling around and chasing each other by their tails..

**Where was he taking her, and what was he going to do to her after they got there? **

**Was he going to hurt her more? **

**Why? **

**What had she done to the man for him to hurt her? **

**What had she done to anyone to have to be hurt like she had since she was a baby?**

A tiny sob escaped Miko's throat at the realization of pain that she truly believed was coming her way, and clutched the man's shirt even more tightly in her tiny fists, trying—and failing—to prevent the tears from falling again.

Deidara felt the pull of fabric of his shirt and looked down. The small babe had resumed her crying, and now it looked like calming her down would be harder than it was barely a few minutes ago.

The Iwa nin hurried his walk to slow running down the labyrinth of hallways. He reached his room on the seventh turn of the corner and closed the door behind him.

Miko shivered in his arms. The room was cold, and even though she was protected from most of the air inside the black cloak, a breeze blew against the back her neck, chilling her and making goosebumps rise there.

"Oops." the man said. "Forgot to close the window, un." He took a few long steps, and then leaned down.

Deidara convinced her with gentle words and even gentler probing to let go and slowly and patiently pried her off his chest.

He then set the child down on something comfortably soft.

Miko opened her eyes and looked around.

She was on a bed with thick, warm black covers and large white pillows. The room was lit by a lamp on the bedside table near her, for it seemed to be dark out, she could tell from how little illumination the yellow light bulb cast overall. The floor was dark wood, as were the carelessly half closed closet doors across from where she sat.

Miko heard the man slide his window pane down with a smooth _ssshhht_, and then a soft sigh from behind her.

She suddenly realized she was all alone with this scary man. In his room. Naked.

Deidara watched as the little girl curled up into a small ball on his bed, making sure to close her legs and cover her head as much as possible. He let out another soft sigh, and shrugged off his Akatsuki's cloak.

He crept up behind the scared, unsuspecting child, and with a graceful, soundless sweep of this newly discarded attire, wrapped her in the safe, red-clouded covering.

Miko stiffened as something began to be wrapped around her shoulders loosely, like a blanket or something. She looked up to find the blonde man covering her with his cloak.

"There we go," he murmured as he began snapping a few buttons in place from the left of her, "Now you have something to wear until I find you some real clothes, un."

Miko held the surrounding fabric in three-year-old hands and pulled it closer to her body, making sure that everything was covered besides her head, and that the man would have no easy access to her wounded self.

A depression was formed next to her on the mattress, it squeaking in protest under the new weight. Miko looked to see him sitting to her left, so very very close.

Hands were held stretched over her head; the light bulb's failure to eliminate any shadows gave them the appearance of claws about to hook into her flesh.

"C'mere..."

Miko shut her eyes and hunched down so as to protect her head within the tent she had made. "Mnn..."

Her protests were only those sounds which come from the unparted lips of the frightened and the distressed.

The man lifted her into his lap as easily as he had into his own arms the first time the two had met, cloak and all.

"Nhha..." Miko smothered her face against the red insides of the cloak, avoiding his blue gaze, murmuring her distress in the quietest voice she could manage.

"Don't be scared," she heard him say, rocking ever so-slightly, "Deidara won't hurt you, yeah."

_Deidara? Was that his name?_

Miko peeked up at "Deidara" from the very high collar of the cloak, biting her lip slightly.

Deidara caught her gaze and stared down back at her, smiling that same smile as before, the one that told her so much about him. The fair hair that draped over the left side of his face hung near hers. She could smell it from her designated spot balanced on his firm thighs. Smelt clean and sweet, not like the mildew, dust, blood, cum, cigarettes, and alcohol that she was used to inhaling everyday from other men.

The small girl lifted her tiny stained and chipped front teeth from her lower lip high enough to make a small "O" with her mouth.

Then she buried her face into his shirt, like a baby that wants to be comforted by Mama.

The Iwa nin let out a soft, good-natured chuckle, and patted the little nestling's back reassuringly.

_"She's so cute."_ he thought. So cute and so scared. He'd have to fix the latter soon. Make her feel more comfortable here. A guest, not a prisoner.

Deidara then realized that the girl hadn't made any major movements or audible sounds that she had begun to pattern out. He pulled back a part of the black collar of his cloak to investigate this new issue.

"Oh.." the blond whispered.

The little child had fallen asleep. Old, nearly dried tear tracks glinted against her soft exposed cheeks from the dim glowing lamplight. Her lips were pressed together tightly and her brow was furrowed worriedly, as if slumber was a challenging and scary ordeal for the small girl within itself.

Deidara heard not a sound when he gently laid her down in his bed. Nor when he pulled up the covers and tightly wrapped them around her frail body.

He sat himself in a chair at his working table and swiveled it around so at to keep an eye on the nameless girl (at least in Deidara's perspective, for she had not given him one).

She was silent still, occasionally making a peep in the form of tiny moans and whimpers caused by her dreams and past experiences replaying in her mind, no doubt. But other than that, she was dead quiet and just plain...dead-like.

Deidara yawned and threw an arm over the curve of the swiveling chair. There had been a mission before he had attended to the girl, and he had—admittedly—forgotten all about her until he had trudged right past the cell door numerous times.

Now, thinking about it, he felt guilty. The poor little thing had been all alone, broken off from any human contact for many hours in a dark and scary room, more than likely still in pain from the last man who had her less than twenty-four hours ago. He wouldn't blame her for being like she had been, unwilling to cooperate to his nice attempts to help her. She had made him angry by biting him, but that wasn't her fault either.

"I should get ready for bed, too." the Iwa nin thought.

And in short words, he did. A pair of long, black sweatpants that went _swish swish_ whenever he walked, and nothing else (Well, of course he kept his underpants. Thank the Lord that no one went commando around here). He loosened the ribbon from his hair, and shook the pale tresses around that so that it all fell evenly.

Lastly, Deidara removed the viewfinder from his left eye and assumed his rightful place in the swiveling roller chair. He straddled it and used his crossed arms as a pillow over the curve.

Before long, he too had drifted off to sleep...

* * *

**Yes, I know...How sad. And it's a fact that child prostitution does happen. I've read that it can happen as young as two months and go to up to ten years of age. What kind of sick, perverted freak would get a kick out of raping a two-month-old baby? Jesus Christ, throw some acid on these guys, people!**

_Yeah, I know. __**Please review.**__ Every aspiring author (you, me, that bag of _**Cheetos**_you're eating) wants a reaction. If I'm not getting a reaction out of you, or if I'm not getting more reviews, then that means that I'm failing as a writer and I'm failing to entertain the masses and I should kill myself, cuz being an author is one of my dream jobs._

.

Just kidding on the whole suicide thing :D** BUT SERIOUSLY….REVIEW.**


	2. Comfort to Complement the Nightmare

Chapter 2. Took a long time to decide the end, and I'm not satisfied, but like I always say--even though I've yet to do it for any of my stories--there will be really cool stuff later on....

"You're a saint SpongeBob.** A SAINT!!!!!"---**Patrick Star

The way Patrick screams it so funny XD

_

* * *

_

_Miko whimpered as the man held her over his knee and slapped her bare bottom for what seemed like the hundredth time in a row._

_"Bad, bad girl," he jeered, an evil glint in his red eyes, though the girl had no chance of seeing it, "you're a naughty little thing, aren't you?"_

_Miko was only two years old then, and had no idea what was going on. All she knew was that she had done something wrong._

_She shook her head furiously and began to protest with the squeals and grunts of a distressed toddler. The girl writhed around in his naked lap and tried to fight off the crazed pedophile, but to no avail._

_"Feisty little thing, are you?" the man growled, slapping the girl one last time on the buttocks with more ferocity than before._

_The spanking had now stopped, but that didn't give the poor girl as much relief as she had hoped it would._

_Miko then felt herself be lifted by the upper arms, and she was forced to dangle in the air helplessly, having no control over anything that was about to happen to her._

_The man's long legs were spread and then quickly readjusted so that his weapon was standing in a virtual-ninety-degree-angle at his groin._

_He grinned up at the babe and giggled evilly; her screams were going to be so delightful to hear! And she was so young...and tight too. A double bonus._

_Miko watched as his eyes seemed to become redder and redder with insanity as he lowered her over his lap, concentrating on aiming just right..._

_She kicked at him feebly, but her tiny feet missed his face by a long shot. He squeezed her arms harshly, making her squeak in pain._

_That would be sure to leave bruises._

_"Do you know what my favorite part of this all is, little girl?"_

_Miko, not affluent with human speech, stared quizzically at the insane individual sitting on the edge of the bed._

_The man shook his head, sighing slightly._

_"Never mind. You'll find out soon enough."_

_And before Miko could decode his message with the limited amount of words in her vocabulary, he shoved her down on his spear._

_The impact was so great that it ripped past all clenched muscles; Miko threw her head back and let out a bloodcurdling scream._

_She twisted around in the man's lap, trying to somehow escape, but his hands were firmly locked on each side of her ribs, his fingernails biting into her soft flesh as he held her in place._

_The man began to roll his hips roughly, and the thing inside Miko began to move painfully within her._

_The poor girl screeched and howled, tears pouring down her chubby cheeks as she endured the undeserved torture of the damned._

_Miko could smell his musky odor, stinging her small nose and adding more tears to the ones already falling from the agony. It was too much: she felt as if she were about to be split in two separate pieces if this went on long enough..._

_Warm liquid flowed freely from her buttocks, but she did not know if it was her own, or the man's._

_Ears ringing from the high-pitched screeches of the babe, the man pulled on her short dark hair and forced her small, soft lips to his very rough ones; he plunged his tongue into her tiny mouth, muffling her cries._

_Miko felt as if she were about to gag on the warm thing sliding around in her mouth. It went nearly traveled to the back of her throat, and right then she began to feel very nauseous._

_The smashing into the small body were becoming much more fiercer, harder, rougher. More liquid flowed, drooling over the man's hard knees and thighs and legs._

_It was red... and it belonged to the girl._

_He retreated his tongue from the girl's little mouth, and began to attack the pale young flesh, biting hard on her shoulders, neck, and chest._

_Miko let out a fresh howl at the sensation of something biting her with sharp teeth. She looked down at herself, but she could only see a blur moving all over her._

_Blinded by endless tears, the unfortunate child resumed screaming at the top of her lungs, feeling hot knives in her belly, yet at the same time a freezing cold sensation spreading throughout her limbs._

_Her vision was clouding, yet the pain in her bum seemed to be increasing tenfold. _

_And then it was done. She was done. He was done. With her._

_And the girl, younger than three-years-old and older than one fell into an inky darkness, where the red eyes of future nightmares lie in wait..._

_**For their turn.**_

Miko sat up, screaming.

She looked around wildly in the dark room, searching for the man and the red eyes.

When the frightened girl found neither of the two nightmarish things mentioned previously, she began to sniffle.

The sniffles transformed into stifled sobs shaking her whole body; yet the mattress lay unmoving beneath her, despite her emotional tremors, for she was a tiny thing.

It seemed so real.

She could actually feel the injuries sustained from the nightmare; her bum ached, which added to the tears that fell on the blanket, the dark cloak she was wearing, and her thin, hurting legs.

Miko suddenly heard a soft grunt to her left, and she ceased her weeping and looked up.

He was standing at the bedside, looking down at her.

The man was like a giant compared to her small, hunched form, his waist roughly equal to her bowed head, maybe a little higher.

She gulped mentally at the realization. He could easily unzip his pants and force her to—

Deidara looked down at the girl with somber eyes as a whimper reached his ears.

Poor kid.

He slowly bent down so they were almost eye level; he gave her a small smile, though he was not sure if she could see it in this dark.

"Hey, there..." he whispered softly. Sweetly. "Did you have a bad dream un?"

The little babe didn't answer, but half-stifled a gasp as his large hand touched her face.

Deidara could feel the tears flow beneath his fingers in thin streams. He felt the corners of her eyes scrunch up as she squeezed them shut, bracing herself for the pain that he would never deliver.

The hand left Miko's face, but she kept her eyes closed.

Arms suddenly wrapped around her waist, and she began to cry harder in fear.

Miko thrashed and twisted weakly in midair, much like she had in her nightmare. But she actually hit his chest a few times with her small feet, though it seemed to have no effect on him.

Deidara held the little girl tightly to his chest. An arm around her cloaked back and one tucked under the bunched up hem of the cloth near her bottom.

The man whose name was Deidara, Miko remembered, then began to slowly rub her small back. His mouth was breathing in her ear, and he was whispering things.

Not mean things threatening to hurt her, it sounded like, but...

Nice things, actually.

"There, there," she heard him say, "it was just a dream: they're all gone. No one here but us un."

Miko curled up within his warm tent-like cloak, rubbing her face against the smooth wall of fabric pressed to his shoulder. The thin, silky garment was the only barrier between him and her bare flesh.

She didn't want to be hurt by a stranger again.

Just this once.

And maybe once more...

And.....if it wasn't too much to ask...maybe..maybe one more time?

Miko wasn't counting on her wish to come true. Why would it? She was just a spoiled brat who was so selfish and undeserving.

_She cried when they hit her, and they told her to stop, and when she didn't, they called her a brat and hit her harder. What a snot she was; she chose not to follow their orders, only thinking about herself and how much it hurt._

_Pathetic._

He was sitting now, on the bed.

Continuing to rub her back, continuing to whisper things in a gentle voice.

Miko didn't focus on the words, but the tones he used. They were mind numbing, and she was finding herself lost in the way his voice carried so languidly through the air into her ears...

Deidara noticed her losing sense of reality fairly quickly as the breathing became less hurried and uneven; now it had slowed to just the right steady rate of a sleepy baby.

Slowly he twisted his upper half to the head of the bed, gently prying the little girl from his shoulder in the process.

He rested her on the pillow once more, caressing her cheek with a kind hand as it slid from beneath her small head in an unhurried retreat.

At this time, the guardian would have kissed their nestling on the cheek or temple, or the top of their head after re-tucking them into bed because of a nightmare. For comforting reasons.

But Deidara felt it was not right to do so; he didn't know her and she didn't know him. Besides, she didn't look like the kind of person who took kisses and such affections from strangers lightly.

She almost immediately rolled onto her stomach after he set her down, twisting and tightening the cloak around her into some sort of straight jacket as a result.

The black cloth shifted around her little hands and arms as they moved to clutch the pillow she had smothered her face in; slowly, almost cautiously, the arms wrapped around it in a strong toddler vice grip.

His pillow was about the same size as her, Deidara realized. She was straddling the thing in a protective manner, like a baby refusing to let go of its favorite stuffed bear.

Trying to comfort herself...trying to make sure that he—or anyone else, for that matter—wouldn't have a chance to steal it from under her very nose.

Deidara stared down at the girl, who seemed to be having trouble finding a comfortable sleeping position on his pillow, fidgeting and turning her head side to side.

But she need not fear: He had no intention of stealing something so easily expendable from a weakened, helpless child. The whole point of bringing her here was as an attempt to help make her feel more comfortable.

The Akatsuki's bomber sighed quietly.

Miko felt the bed half beside her give way to something large and heavier than herself. The mattress groaned softly from the new weight, then became silent as the thing ceased moving.

The covers rose up to her small neck, and she cracked open an eye to see what had taken its place as her bedmate.

It was him.

"Mommy...?" Deidara turned his head at the sound of her peep.

He propped himself on his elbow for balance and reached over to stroke the top of her head.

"Go to sleep, kay? I promise everything will be better in the morning, yeah."

And, for some reason, Miko believed him.

Because now he was whispering again, in those same soft tones as before.

Miko couldn't prevent herself from relaxing then. She couldn't prevent her eyelids from drooping and closing themselves. And she couldn't prevent falling asleep right there on the pillow next to the gentle man.

But, somehow, she didn't care. Because he was preventing the nightmares for her; Miko didn't have one scary thing appear in her dreams for the rest of the night.

It was so easy to just let go of this fear of him, she realized. For now, at least. So tiring to remember to be frightened of certain things.

It was just the sleepiness messing with her mind. She'd recognize the threat that the man lying beside her really was and return to her old, scared-out-of-her-wits self in the morning.

**At least....she hoped not.**

* * *

Yes...The end.

Of the chapter, for those who did double takes and forgot what I wrote above before the chapter started.

Dumb newts. ;P


	3. A Little Lunch

**Hello, all. **

**Sorry for not updating anything for the longest time. Now I have the inspiration to. **

**Damn, this was supposed to be a good chapter, a normal chapter, but writers' block got me in the end. Damn (again) .**

**Forgive me. **

**I hope I don't lose the mood of this story, because this chapter seems a little....softened, ya know? Well, read it yourself, but you'll get the feeling that Miko's warming up to Deidara too quickly, I bet.**

* * *

Deidara slowly cracked open an eye.

It was early morning, that he could see. Light had filtered into his room through a gap in the curtains, illuminating just a fraction of his bedspread a lighter color.

The man sat up and stretched. What a night it had been! Waking up at 3 in the morning to tend to the girl, and—

He turned his head to the sound of a tiny whimper near his hip.

Large and very frightened hazel eyes stared up at him.

Deidara brushed some hair out of his eyes to get a better look of the poor creature he had rescued from abuse, and possible starvation.

He gave her a smile; a small one, but visible enough to show she was in no danger of being harmed.

Miko looked away, unnerved. Why was he smiling?

When she turned back again, the smile was gone, which worried her deeply.

Why was he unhappy?

His face was suddenly close to hers. Too close for her comfort, but far enough for a normal person to be unalarmed.

"Hey," he said, "you hungry, yeah?"

"Let's see, what to wear, what to wear..."

Miko sat up on the bed, cloak still wrapped snugly around her small person, watching the man—Deidara his name was (she'd have to remember that)— as he fiddled around in a drawer of clothes, trying to find something.

"C'mon, you're telling me I own _nothing_ that can fit you?" It seemed that it was a question aimed at her, but was one that should not be responded to.

She didn't have a reply, anyway.

He turned around, blond hair swishing around his face as he did so; Miko could see his before-mentioned face itself was a mask of annoyance and irritation.

Eyebrows knitted together, eyes half lidded, nostrils flared ever so slightly and a scowl to accentuate his mood even more.

Miko mentally hugged herself as he took steps to where she was. _Was he going to punish her? Had she done something wrong? What was it?_

Deidara stood next to the small girl. He raised a hand to pat her on the head, but paused at the sight of her flinching away.

He blinked his eyes open in surprise. His mouth a curious frown.

"Hm?"

"Nah..." The sound that came from the child's mouth as she scooted back, shaking her head many times as well as her body, as if she were freezing cold.

"What's wrong, kid?" Miko gave lots of room away for him to sit down. But he didn't sit down. He continued standing there, his hand half-raised, frozen in mid-action.

Then he slowly lowered his arm, as if in understanding.

He nodded his head sympathetically in her direction.

"It's okay, un; I understand." Miko watched from the corner of the bed she had scooted herself in, leaning against the head, as the man strolled towards the door, fully dressed.

Deidara looked over his blond shoulder to glance at the girl.

"I'll get you something to eat real quick, yeah. Sit tight."

The door closed, and he was gone.

It was some time before he returned. Miko had memorized the cracks in the ceiling and had picked out all the interesting shapes in the carpet before the door swung open and in he came.

He held a tray in his hands, with delightful-smelling foods situated in bowls and on plates, positioned just so it would be easy and convenient to remove them one at a time and move on to the next dish when finished.

Deidara had sneaked into the kitchen and had quickly helped himself to the variety of choices for breakfast that piled the counters. A little of this, a little of that, a few of those cut into bite-sized pieces, a glass of this to quench her thirst...

And almost as easily as he had slipped in, he slipped out before the others could question why he was not eating with them, as custom dictated.

Miko once again made room for the man to sit down next to her on the bedside.

He pushed the lamp on the nightstand back until it was touching the wall, and then balanced the tray on top, with a generous amount of its corner hanging over the edge.

Deidara did this with his arm in front of her face; it did not seem that he noticed her stiffen as he did so, nor relax when he retreated it to his side. Or perhaps he did, but let it slide because he was a stranger to her and that reaction was an understandable one in her position.

"Hmm..." he pondered, "I should probably wash my hands. Don't want you to get sick, yeah."

Miko watched as he stood up again and drift to a half-closed door to his left. Deidara flicked on the light and entered. She could hear running water for a few minutes, and then it stopping completely. A few more minutes of silence, and then he flicked off the light and swung the door away from his person, then towards him as he stepped out, not seeming to care if it closed all the way or not.

And then he was sitting in his designated spot next to her.

Brushing some fair hair from his eyes, the ninja reached over and plucked the girl up from the corner of the bed without her really expecting it. He heard her gasp the second she was lifted, and scrunched herself up in midair like a kitten by the scruff of its collar, but just as quickly as he held her, Deidara placed the child up near the headboard, sitting her upon the pillows.

He himself gathered the tray and scooched himself so he sat in front of her, with the food next to them.

Miko wrapped the cloak she wore around her person tighter, if possible, staring warily at the food and at the man who had placed her here in this new spot. What now?

He watched as her large, dull hazel eyes followed his hand as he raised it to her face. She leaned back from his touch, but not as far as she could have.

Deidara caressed her face with the same gentleness as earlier; last night; in the cell. He stared at her, his face set in a thinking expression.

The skin was slightly rough. The girl did not know what sandpaper was, and she had little experience with calloused skin, so it was a new experience for her. Miko was not a girl who took joy in new things, but she gathered up the almost non-existent courage that she had and muscled through, holding back tears that she would've shed otherwise.

He used both sides of his hand, running the backs of his fingers against her soft cheeks, his thumb lightly stroking her tiny chin. It was almost as if he were attempting to discover who she was by doing this. But soon his hand left her face.

Whether he had found what he was looking for by doing this or not he did not say.

Deidara lowered his eyes to a small plate he would use to transfer food from the tray to the girl's mouth. It had been cold, but now the china had warmed in his other hand.

A white triangle with a black stripe on the underbelly was plucked from its friends by him. He set it on the plate and proceeded to pinch and break off good, bite-size pieces off of the main body.

He held a particularly large bit between the tips of his pursed fingers and brought it to her closed mouth.

"Open up, say aaah."

Just seeing the food so close to her mouth made Miko's gums hurt. Badly. She was starving, but she remembered the last time she had actually eaten something, never mind that it was a very very long time ago. There was actually blood that oozed from the roots of her ruined teeth whenever she chewed, smashed repeatedly from Daddy's friends. Drinking created a wave of super chill that washed over and drown out all other feelings in her mouth, but then it was replaced with a feverish burning that dulled only minutes after.

But again, she was starving, and she would risk it. Because he had been nice to her for this long, she might as well try to keep him happy.

Hesitantly, she opened her mouth a little. Deidara gently pushed the white wad of rice past the girl's soft lips.

He watched her close her mouth and slowly begin to chew. But immediately he knew something was wrong.

Her face immediately twisted in pain. He quickly held out his hand and she spit it out almost as soon as it was available. He stared at the wet wad, which had now become drowned it spit laced with blood.

The mouth on his hand, much to his displeasure, decided to go to work. It swallowed up the pre-chewed onigiri piece with its tongue, disposing of it the only way it knew how.

Deidara looked to the girl, who had begun whimpering in pain. A small hand was collecting the drool and blood that was dribbling past her parted lips. He wiped his wet palm on his pants and set the plate with the bits of onigiri aside, then attempted to tend to the now-crying child.

The blond grabbed the girl once more but this time Deidara decided to take her to the bathroom.

Miko began to cry into Deidara's shoulder. Her gums, they hurt so bad!

"Shh, shh, its okay." he assured her.

"Mmmm...." she whimpered.

"I know, un."

The light had been flicked on already; Deidara sat her on the sink's edge. He set out to find what he thought might help the kid's problem. He searched the medicine cabinet, and luckily found it easily.

It was a tub of jelly. This would help her mouth from hurting.

He dug his pinkie into the gooey stuff, and turned to her.

"Open up, little one." he said. "This'll make your mouth feel much better yeah."

He expected it when she shook her head. The face she was giving him was the one a child gave a doctor when they had a bad toothache, but were afraid of treatment.

"C'mon...please?" After a few more "pleases" and promises that it would make her mouth not hurt like bloody hell, she relented.

He leaned in, and widened his eyes slightly, but he said nothing and began the task of rubbing the jelly inside her mouth.

Her teeth were terrible. The ones remaining, that is. She seemed to have had teeth growing at one time, but now they were either missing, chipped, or broken off, leaving jagged edges that would've easily cut the inside of her mouth. The gums themselves seem to be sore, red and purple—bruised a better word, or maybe swollen—and clearly had signs of more teeth trying to split from them.

After having everything he could reach realistically lubricated, top and bottom, he applied a second coat. On the second one, however, he loosened a tooth too much, and it fell on her tongue.

Miko felt one of those painful teeth finally give way from Deidara's finger pushing around it. It was one of the loosest—something would've happened—sooner or later.

She stuck her tongue out, the tooth lying on it in a small puddle of spit. Gingerly, he plucked it off and studied it. It was a tooth fragment, but the last bit he could tell. Very sharp edge it had, must've caused her a lot of pain. Somehow, Deidara thought he had done her a favor.

"There..." he wiped his hands on a small towel and was about to put the jelly back, but then thought better of it. It might come in handy later. "Feel better?"

She nodded.

He smiled. "Good. Now, c'mere..." Miko knew what was coming next. She lifted up her arms and he picked her up again. She was becoming used to this phenomenon, something that surprised herself. Miko had never been picked up with this much benevolence before he did.

But her cooperation did not mean that she fully trusted her well-being into his hands.

Deidara felt that vibe, but didn't bother saying anything. He'd probably just make it worse trying to convince her otherwise.

----

"There un." Despite all that fear had taught her, Miko relaxed. She leaned back onto the lump of pillows supporting her, and drew the cloak that was her clothing for now around her in a way that was more comfortable.

Deidara heard the kid sigh. It was a bottled-up sigh, just waiting for an appropriate moment in time to let it out, without worry or care.

The missing nin of Iwagakure smiled to himself as he set the dirty dishes on the tray; it was amusing and cute the way she sighed like that.

But the shifting of the cloak reminded him once more that the girl had no clothes. This posed a problem, for when he went out on missions, Leader required the Akatsuki's cloak to be worn when out in public, to show where the members' loyalties lay (even if that "loyalty" attracted all ninjas' attention to them, even when they were trying to be inconspicuous).

Deidara tapped his chin without thinking about it. Maybe he could go shopping for her. He had enough money for that. It would be a nice change of pace for her...

Deidara picked up the tray, promised the child that he would return, and left the room.

When the blond returned, he found her in the exact same spot, in the exact same position as he had left her a few minutes before. Staring at him as he entered, wondering what he was going to do next.

Miko watched as he approached her once again, and put his hand on her head. By instinct she flinched away, but he persisted, and she found no danger as he rubbed her scalp softly, calmly.

Her body was being covered by the blanket again, and Miko was being coaxed into sleeping once again.

...Take a nap, little one...

...There you go..

...I'll be here when you wake up..

….

...I wonder what your dress size is?..

* * *

**I'll try to make Miko more vulnerable in the next chapters kay. The mood and feelings and emotions were too watered down, sorry.**

**BRING IT ON OLD MAN BRING IT ON!!**

**No people, let's be smart and bring it off.**

**Oh, so now the talking cheese is gonna preach to us!!**

-SpongeBob Squarepants...This was all from memory. XD


	4. Gift

**Hi everybody!**

**It actually didn't take that long to write this (okay it did ^_^; ) but I edited and edited to make it perfect... almost 12 pages for you :3 (in times new roman w/ font 12 just so you know ) **

**Enjoy :D**

**AND READ THE NOTE AT THE END! VERY IMPORTANT!**

**Audience: STOP SCREAMING AT ME! .**

**me: SHUT UP I'M THE AUTHOR AND I'LL DO WHAT I WANNA DO! NOW SIT DOWN, SHUT UP, AND READ IT, BEFORE I GOUGE OUT YOUR EYEBALLS AND SKULL-FUCK YOU!***

*deideikunblueeyez is not in the least bit responsible for that last bit because she wrote that at 2:30 in the morning and her meds had long since worn off the day before ^_^; *

* * *

Miko perched on the edge of his bed, fingering the hem of her new dress nervously. She was waiting patiently, albeit with some apprehension that had been growing inside her for some time now.  
.

.

**Waiting for him to return**_**.**_

_**.**_

_**.**_

She bit her lower lip softly with jagged teeth, bowed her head. In her lap lay hands, so small and pale, with fading scratches and cuts obtained from the many days and nights with her various- "acquaintances".

.

.

**Just waiting.**

_**.**_

_**.**_

The curtains were pulled closed, yet a little sunlight peaked out from a few cracks of the open window, illuminating the carpet with strips of yellow and letting summer breezes into the room.  
.

.

**Only waiting.**_  
._

.

And outside, she could hear soft sweet sounds accompanied by a buzzing of some sort. Before she had come here, those sounds had been alien to her ears, but he had explained to her what they were, so it no longer piqued her interest...

.

.

_Miko sat at the windowsill, dressed in a small, frilled frock, staring intently out the window._

_._

_There was something out there that was making a peculiar sound that she had never heard of, and despite having her will broken many times, a trace of child-like curiosity remained within her heart._

_._

"_...Aaah." Leaning forward, she sought out the source._

_._

_Everything outside the room seemed to be moving, breathing. Green on the ground swayed as gentle wind blew across it; huge brown things, too thick to be simple poles stood rooted and unsupported to the earth with green on top. Something darted to and from the green bush atop the trunk. Something that made sort of squeaking..no, a chirping sound. Yes, chirping. It sailed through the air in circles in the sky and hurried off somewhere in the distance._

_._

_And then something much closer to her caught her eyes and ears. _

_._

_Something small that flitted through the air; it hovered over flowers grown near the open window where she sat, making an odd sound._

_._

**Bzzzzz...**

_._

_It was small, the size of her tiny thumb, yellow with black stripes and...fuzzy?_

_._

_It hung suspended in midair, with the occasional bobbing to and fro to keep itself aloft. Then it descended slowly to a large pink flower; the striped buzzer snuggled into the yellow center and when it exited the blossom, its fuzzy body was covered in a light-colored powder. _

_._

_It was sort of... cute in a way; it was so small and looked so fluffy.._

_._

_Tentatively, she reached a small hand out the window. She wanted to pet the thing, that's what she wanted. She wanted to see if that fluffiness on the creature was real.._

_._

_The buzzing became louder and in a way, angrier, as her fingers inched closer and closer to the unfamiliar hovering mini-beast..._

_._

"**Stop!"**

_._

_Miko jumped and immediately retracted her hand to her breast. With much guilt, she turned her head to find Deidara standing in the doorway, clad in the dark cloak she knew so well._

_._

_Before she could react, he had hustled over and snatched her from the spot and hastily set her on the bed. It was so fast, that she fell over on the mattress; she lifted herself up and rested on her small, thin elbow, gazing up at the man with confused eyes tinged with fear._

_._

"_Don't you know how dangerous bees are? It could've stung you! For the love of God-!" Miko sat upright, wincing at his biting words and the slam of the window pane. She bowed her head, ashamed. Her curiosity got her in trouble. She was in the wrong.  
._

_._

_Deidara glanced at the bed, and immediately felt bad. Okay, that was a little over-the-top, but she knew that he was trying to protect her, right? The ninja took a few silent steps and then knelt in front of the little tyke. Not her fault. She's just a kid, probably didn't know any better..._

_._

_He leaned his head in low in a half-hearted effort to steal a hint of her current expression from behind the wall of unkempt, scraggly dark hair. _

_._

_Relaxing his shoulders, he adopted a softer voice. "Hey, kid, I'm not mad, I was just worried, is all.."_

_._

_His hand reached out slowly toward her own, and he saw her fists clenching in her lap._

_._

_Warm and healthily tanned met cold and sickeningly pale._

_._

"Her hands are so small..."_ Deidara realized._

_._

_He gently took her fist in his large, calloused hand and began massaging the back of hers with the pad of his thumb, glancing at the small child's face obscured by a waterfall of black hair._

_._

**Baby-soft skin, and so white too.**

_**.**_

**A little doll. A sad little doll. **

**.**

**What could he do to make this doll smile, laugh, dance?**

**.**

**All this doll did was cry, whimper, hide.**

**.**

**No way for a child to live. **

**.**

**No way, no how.**

.

_His other hand grasped her thin upper arm gently, rubbing it in what he hoped was a comforting manner._

_._

_Then he heard her whine, like a week-old puppy that just got its first kick in the gut. Feebly attempted to pull away from his grasp._

_._

"Shh..._ hey, hey.. I'm sorry, yeah. I'm sorry. _Don't cry, little girl.."

_._

_Miko shook his hand away and put her fists to her eyes and began wiping tears away. Why was she crying? He hadn't hurt her.. yet._

_._

"_Hey hey...shh shh... no tears...little angels shouldn't cry, yeah..."_

.

Angel? What is 'angel'? Was it a good thing?Or was it a bad thing?

_._

**Stupid bitch!**

**.**

**Fuckin' slut!**

**.**

**God-damned brat!**

**.**

**Suck it, you lil' cunt!**

_._

_._

_What did _'angel'_ , mean?_

_._

_._

_She lifted her head, saw he and the whole room was blurry. She felt her lips curl back in a grimace, revealing mismatched, chipped teeth. How she hated her teeth, the ugly, terrible little things. Hurt her so much._

_._

_More tears..._

_._

_The rustle of the black fabric, and she was in his arms. His long sleeves felt warm around her, and he kept her feet to the floor, but his grip was so tight, and his breath heated her cheeks and her neck and her ear..._

_._

_He began to rock her body. Slowly, gently._

_._

_But she tried to push away, get away, get away from him, squealing like a pig. But he didn't let her. Didn't she see that there was nothing to be afraid of?_

_._

_"Stay-ugh-stay here!" And in an act of impatience he squeezed her tightly, so tight that all the fight quickly left her, and she hung limp in his arms. No sounds came from her, just a haggard breathing, as if she was trying to recover lost air, as if he had squeezed all of it out of her lungs._

_._

_Damnit, jumped the kunai again. He had to get his emotions under control. She probably thought he was bipolar or something by now. _

_._

_So he just knelt there and held her. Held her for all it was worth. Had to make her understand, that he was the only thing standing between her and death. Because someone like her had absolutely no chance of surviving in the wilderness alone. _

_._

_Deidara loosened his grip on her slightly, and she snuggled in closer to him, submissive._

_._

_"I'm sorry.." he said after a few minutes._

_._

_No answer._

_._

_"Hey..." he stroked her head, down her small spine, slow and gentle-like. "Are you scared of me...Hm?" He felt her shift, but make no sound. Didn't even hear her breathe._

_._

_He sighed softly, and leaned back so he could look at her._

_._

_She had her head bowed and her fists held bits of his cloak. She was trembling, and failing to control it, despite how hard she tried._

.

_He lifted up her chin with his hand. She busied herself with something in the corner of her eye._

.

_"Hey... look at me, alright?" She glanced at him, and he held his gaze at her. Reluctantly she stared back. Her eyes, so big and beautiful and wet. So scared. So sad._

_._

_Deidara slowly lifted his hand to her cheek. It was soft, baby-skin. She winced in response, but he hadn't hurt her._

_._

_She was accustomed to pain, and had reacted accordingly when someone touched her._

_._

_Lazily he rubbed his palm up and down her face. Miko mewled, quickly shut her eyes; please stop, please..._

_._

_She tried to turn her head away, to escape Deidara's arms, but the hand under her chin swiftly made its way behind her back, and locked her in._

_._

_"No no... don't run away..please, just calm down, okay? I'm not gonna hurt you, yeah."_

_._

_Miko hunched her shoulders, bringing her small fists to her face. She tilted her head away from his hand, trying to sneakily slide away from his touch._

_._

_But Deidara would not be dissuaded._

_._

_It had taken a few minutes for the ninja to coax the little thing out of her wary shell, but he continued using the same calm, soothing voice, alternating between high and low pitches, as if he were talking to a baby._

_._

_Miko watched the man as he knelt there before her, talking to her, touching her face. It didn't hurt, but... When will it?_

_._

_He flashed a small grin at her. It eased her nerves when he grinned like that for some reason. It was gonna be alright now._

_._

_Hesitantly, small hands reached up to clasp the wrist of the hand stroking her cheek, and focused on it instead of his face. What a large hand. Will her hands ever grow that big?_

_._

_Then she turned and pressed her nose into the palm. She wanted to feel the warmth, she wanted her whole face, her whole body feel these gentle touches he was administering to her. Never had this ever happened to her, never._

_._

"_Aaaah..." _

_._

_Deidara watched as she guided his hand all over her face, back and forth. He pretended it was dead, so she could manipulate however she wanted and do as she saw fit._

_._

_Did anyone ever take the time to cuddle with her when she was a baby? Did anyone ever hold her close to their face and say 'I love you'? _

_._

_Poor thing. This must be all new to her. Poor baby._

_._

_._**...So warm...so gentle...please..it feels too good...please stay like this forever..I'll be a good girl..I promise..just..don't...**

_._

_And then the warmth was gone, just like that, slipped out of her grasp. She opened her eyes as a cold breeze hit her face. He had retreated from her, took away that kind hand. Why? Did she hold on for too long? She was sorry, but, please...give it back..please.._

_._

_"Nah.." Deidara watched as the girl took a hesitant step forward to him, holding out her hands for him. "Nah..nah..?" She seemed confused and lost, those large glassy eyes clouding with sadness and rejection._

_._

_She reached for his hand, that safe, warm, comforting hand of his, but it turned into a fist the second she touched it._

_._

_"Nooo..." she whispered trembly, shaking her head, "Noo..." She made another attempt, more cautious and this time he let her. Lucky, she didn't know what would've happened if he would have pushed her away a second time. She couldn't take anymore rejection. No more. All she wanted was warmth. That's all. That's all._

_._

_Miko halted then, softly gripping his wrist. What did she want to do now? What was acceptable for her to do, and not to do? Could she make him touch her? What if that was not allowed? What would he do then? _

.

_So slowly, so carefully, she lifted his hand to her face. Time seemed to stop. She could hear a thumping in her chest. When he had held her, she had heard and felt something thumping in Deidara's chest too, but not as fast, and it didn't seem to hurt him as much as hers ached her now. They both had something inside them. She should show him that thumping so he would realize that she was more like him than he thought__._

_._

_Deidara watched silently as his hand was brought up to her flat chest. He felt the dainty fabric of the dress he had picked out for her. Chose that one because of how comfortable and adorable it looked on her. Bought it on the spot, because she was in his care and therefore special. The child had probably never worn something like that in her entire life. A nice change of pace, from being stark naked to fully clothed._

_._

_And then she hugged his hand to her chest, saw the effort she put in by squeezing it tight in her arms. What was she doing?_

_._

_Then he felt it. A soft, rapid thumping. Her heart. Like a little rubber ball bouncing against two walls back and forth, back and forth against each other, never stopping. _

_._

_He felt eyes on him and glanced down to find the child staring at him intently. Large eyes, hazel and dulled with tears and pain. Beautiful eyes. Sad eyes. She opened her her mouth, those little pale lips parting, unsure of what to say._

_._

"_...Mah...Mah..mah..." Barely a whisper, a sound that resounded in the back of her throat. Loosening the grip on his hand, she took a step forward to him._

_._

_"Hm..?" Surprised he was..What was the little tyke going to do next?_

_._

_Then she stopped right before him, his hand still in her delicate grasp. Continuing to stare into his eyes, never wavering for a second._

_._

"_Mah.." she whispered._

_._

_"Mah, un?"_

.

"_Mah..mah..mah."_

.

_"Mah-mah? Mama? You think...I'm Mama?" She nodded her head in little spurts, like she was just learning how to do the motions. And once again caressed his hand against her soft cheek, eyes closed, savoring it._

_._

_"Mama...Mama. Mama Mama..." She opened her eyes, requesting confirmation of her statement. He and Mama must be one and the same. Only Mama treated her like this. Only Mama made that thumping in her chest go faster, touch her face, smile, whisper sweet things in her ear..._

_._

_Deidara was struck dumb. Mama? Did she honestly think—_

_._

_He shook his head with a little to much force on his part. No, she didn't think that. No...no._

_._

_Looking into those hopeful eyes. How could he break her heart, tell her the truth?_

_._

_Wordlessly, his hand shook itself out of her grasp.._

_._

"_Mah-Mama?" She was confused, hurt. Mama, what's wrong? I thought you loved me. I thought—_

_._

"_Come here, kid." And before she could react, he has her in his arms, gripping her loosely, but with purpose. She buries her head into the black cloth that covers his shoulder, relaxes._

_._

**Mama...**

_._

"_I'm not your Mama," she heard him mutter in her ear, "I'm not your Daddy either. But maybe.. I could still take care of you..?"_

_._

_It was muffled, but Deidara heard an answer from the tyke. "Nya..." _

_._

"_It's gonna be alright, we can make this work.."_

_

* * *

_

Miko looked up.

.

He was back. He was putting the key into the lock, twisting the handle to be let back into the room for the day.

.

Before this very moment, Miko had been anxious for him to return, but now that the time had come, a feeling of weariness slowly set into her bones. She didn't know why. She wanted him to come back, didn't she? She was lonely, and she..she missed him. She wanted him to be with her. He was so nice, and despite an occasional act of violence towards her or an inanimate object, she felt safe when he was near... And he hadn't touched her yet. His hands have never strayed anywhere deemed uncomfortable to Miko. He touched her face a lot, and ran his fingers through her hair, and held her sometimes in his arms, but that was it. It confused Miko. Was he planning on touching her later or—?

**.**

**.**

"Hey kiddo, how was your day?" The door clicked shut.

.

"...Nya." Deidara didn't even pause as he set his hat down on his work table, and proceeded to unbutton his cloak. It was her answer to everything. It didn't seem that anyone had taken the time to teach the child how to speak in complete sentences, let alone a phrase of some sort. "Mama" and "no" seemed to be the only words she knew, and even then it took a few tries for her to pin down the right syllables**.**

**.**

Stepping towards the girl, he gazed into her tired face. Tired, weary... She had nothing to do all day, and surely she must've napped a few times... If so, what made her express such lethargy?

.

He raised his hand, and on cue she stiffened and shrunk back, but not significantly so. It was a habit of hers, a defense mechanism to prevent pain.

.

"Mnn.." Deidara knelt on one knee before the girl; he stroked her face slowly with the tenderness of a motherly nurse.

.

"Hey there..." he repeated, "Did you miss me, un?"

.

Stiffly, the toddler nodded. It was the absolute truth in its entirety, but even if it was the opposite, she would lie to make him happy. Lies made everything hurt less.

.

Her answer made him smile.

.

"That's good, kid, that's good...It sucks that I have to leave you alone with nothing to do, yeah..." More stroking..

.

Which is why I got you this, un!" Deidara's hand left Miko's grasp unexpectedly, and her eyes widened in surprise.

.

"Nya...?" Miko watched Deidara's hand slip into his unbuttoned cloak, reach near his breast and pull out a package. He held it out with both hands, hovering it over her small lap.

.

"For you, yeah."

.

Miko hesitated, unsure if she was really supposed to accept the gift, or if it was just a trick.

.

"Go on, take it...It's yours."

.

Shyly she took the thing in her hands.. It was wrapped in brown paper, tied with white string. Hastily prepared, it looked like.

.

"Open it, un!" He seemed to be more excited about it than she was, as if he were the one receiving the gift, not her.

.

With numb, tentative fingers, Miko did. The string slipped off easily enough, and the paper unfolded on its own accord, and what lay in her lap confused her:

.

Paper. Clean, white paper. And short sticks of varying colors, rounded off to a point at one end.

.

"Crayons and paper!" Deidara exclaimed. "For when you're bored! You can draw pictures for me... or for yourself, yeah." he added.

.

_Draw...? How do you draw?_

.

Deidara stared at the little thing as she curiously inspected her present. She probably didn't know about drawing! The wonderful world of art! The poor thing...

.

"Here.." he said smiling, "I'll help you get started, yeah.." He lifted her from the bed by her tiny waist; the girl's eyes widened.

.

"Aaah..." She clutched the paper to chest tightly, crumpling it, and grasping the sticks in a small, agitated hand with so much pressure that her fingers turned white.

.

Deidara seat himself on the floor, and placed the tyke between his splayed legs. He glanced down at her head and noticed it to be dotted with small scabs on her scalp, hidden among the roots of dirty, greasy hair. He'd give it a thorough washing when she warmed up to him a little more...

.

"Here, give me, un." He leaned in, his chin perched on her small shoulder as he laid a piece of paper flat on the floor. Silently, he made delicate strokes of red crayon on it.

.

"Now you try." When her turn came, Miko took the stick in her small fist. And she stabbed at the paper with the crayon, making waxy dots.

.

"Good try, but here, let me help.." His hand molded over hers, the one that held the crayon.

.

"Here you go, just make smooth strokes like this.." He directed the way the crayon moved over the paper, aided in the way the color trailed behind the stick's path. She watched, fascinated. And then he let go suddenly, and she was on her own.

.

Steadying the paper with one hand, she leaned over and began to make criss-crossing lines all over the blank canvas.

.

Deidara smiled, leaned back on his hands. Good. Now she had something to do during the lonely days when he was away on a mission or some errand or whatever.

.

He got to his feet, but the girl only glanced behind her for a second before choosing a new color and making big swooping arcs over the red crosshatches. Her first coloring, and already she was making something abstract and surreal.

.

A true artist.

.

.

.

Deidara had long since retired to his bed. It wasn't terribly late, but the day was beginning to wind down into early evening. Shirtless and hair loosened, he stared at the ceiling with no thoughts clogging up his mind, just waiting to nod off.

.

In the corner of his eye, the little girl was coloring on the floor. She had taken to the crayons, and was drawing on every single sheet he had given her. He couldn't wait to see the results..

.

.

"Nya..."

.

Done.

.

Miko was done.

.

She held the finished masterpiece in her hands, looking it over. The crayons lay generously used all around her, some no more than little stubs of colored wax with their paper ripped clean off and lying littered in little scrap heaps.

.

She glanced up. Deidara was lying on the bed, unmoving. He was on his back, staring at the ceiling.

.

Miko got to her feet and shuffled on over, her finished project held behind her back. Would he like it? She worked so hard on it. It would be just wonderful if he smiled when he saw it, and she would be so happy, because she had pleased him. Smiles from him were a sure sign that she had done something right, and she realized that doing things right were key to her survival in this strange environment..

.

She was now at his bedside. His eyes were closed with golden hair splayed on the pillow which he rested his head on.

.

Miko stared, bit her lip. Should she wake him up? What if he didn't want to be woken up? What if she did wake him up, and he got angry? What would happen then?

.

The little girl closed her eyes and clenched her jaw shut tight. She would be strong. She could trust him.

.

Slowly, she reached a small hand out to the bed.

.

_Trust him...trust him..he won't hurt me...he likes me...right?_

.

"Mwah...mah...mah..."

.

"Hm..?" He opened a blue eye, staring lazily at her.

.

"Wha-? You need something, kid? What is it, un?" Miko took a step back. She stared down at her feet, avoiding his curious stare.

.

No, she didn't NEED anything. If she would've known that she should only wake him up when she was in NEED of something, she wouldn't have even bothered waking him up. Stupid.

.

"Hey.. what is it... are you lonely? I'm sorry if I fell asleep on you, un." Miko looked up. He was smiling, and she felt her face heat up. He must've felt the warmth from the bed, because he laughed softly. Lifting a hand, he brought it to her face and caressed the heated skin.

.

"You look so adorable when you blush, little girl." Miko closed her eyes. Enjoying this kind man's affections. So nice, so gentle..

.

"How could anyone think of hurting a babe like you, hm?"

.

I don't know...

.

"What's that behind your back, hm?"

.

Miko snapped back to reality.

.

"Ahhm..uh.."

.

"Did you draw something?" He asked, nodding at the piece of paper he could clearly see behind her back. He leaned on an elbow now, his torso positioned in her direction. "Can I see it, un?"

.

That was the whole reason she woke him up, right? Give it to him, it isn't so hard. Just..give..it...to him...C'mon..you can do it...

.

"Hm..." Miko watched as his eyes roved back and forth over her drawing. Please like it, please please please...

.

It was chaos. Death. Life. Her pain. Her agony. Her tears. Her suffering. Her entire existence on one single piece of paper.

.

It was hard to form words in his head to describe what she had drawn.

.

_**Poured out her whole soul. **_

.

This kid didn't understand, this wasn't just a drawing, it was a story. She probably didn't even know what she had created with her own two hands, the power he had given her. She could tell him without words what exactly happened in that small, dingy room. Her own personal hell.

.

The pounding in Miko's chest was becoming almost unbearable.. **Please...**

.

I'm taking too long, he thought. Smile. Reassure the kid.

.

"It's beautiful, kid! Really, yeah..." Miko blushed again, turning redder than ever thought possible.

.

"So cute, un..." He muttered, tittering to himself. Deidara reached out and grasped the little tyke from under her thin arms to haul her up on the bed with him. Balanced the kid on his hips, one of her thin, stubby legs on either side of his waist, straddling him as if he were a horse and she in a saddle.

.

"Ahn..." This position...it felt so wrong..scary...reminded her of memories past of the hurtful men who played cruel games with her. Her lower lip trembled.

.

"Shh, don't worry, baby, you're safe with me." Miko looked down at the man that made this outrageous claim; he was smiling through half-lidded eyes in a relaxed and non-threatening way. The little girl placed her small hands on his stiff tummy, steadying herself.

.

"Nah.."

.

Deidara noticed, and slowly bent his legs together into an backrest for the child. Appreciatively, Miko laid back into the firm barrier, all relaxed-like.

.

"Hey kid.." Vibrant intelligent blue eyes met with tired, world weary hazel ones. "...would you like me to give you a bath, clean you up a little? You've probably haven't had one in forever, and I'm sure it would really calm your nerves, yeah.." He trailed off at the end, his voice growing softer and softer from the child becoming more confused with every word.

.

Miko stared at him warily. Bath? What is a bath?

.

"Bath. Water. Soap. Clean you up, yeah.." He enunciated the words slowly, softly, hoping to form a picture in her head of what he wanted to do. But his efforts just resulted in more uncertainty clearly written on her face.

.

"Here...-" Miko was lifted off the man's hips so that he could sit up. He swung his legs over the side of the bed, with her still held in mid-air, heads leveled.

.

Deidara leaned in until their foreheads touched. "Let's give it a shot, shall we?"

.

* * *

**There you go.**

**I think I kind of messed up in the flashback.. like just the way it was worded and shit... You guys don't understand, I'm a Virgo which means I'm a perfectionist and I write the first thing that pops into my head, which is what everyone recommends, but it's actually shit, so I have to rewrite many things to make it sound diverse and not constantly "he said , she said. Deidara … Miko" though I still struggle with that as you can see T.T**

OKAY! I WILL BE DOING A POLL ON MY PAGE AND IF YOU DON'T VOTE, I WILL NOT UPLOAD ANOTHER CHAPTER OF THIS.

**The poll question is: **

_Should I write about Miko's first bath, or should I skip until she's all clean?_

**Doesn't sound like a big deal, right? Thing is, I have TWO ideas in my head, and one is "she takes the bath. You see Miko taking her very first bath and her thoughts and feelings and reactions as it happens..." the other is "she has already taken the bath, and you see what her thoughts on it were and yadda yadda..."**

**Which one should I go for? :/**


	5. First Bath

Thanks to **The Girl Born From Dolls** for being such an uber fan and quite a stalker to my review pages of this story. I was tilling away slowly at this chapter and I wanted to read the reviews from time to time to hear what the people were saying and she reviewed every chapter with things like "I love it, please update, it's not an exaggeration that I've read this over X times!" Thank you. But it kinda got me sad because I thought all those reviews were from OTHER people, not just you ^_^; Sigh..

But seriously, you wrote "It's been over 2 years!" REALLY? Holy shit, I'm sorry my readers if I kept you waiting that long. No WAY could it have been two years! Seriously? That friggin long? OH MY GOD! DX

Here's chapter 5 of **Mommy, Send Me an Angel**... And we experience MIKO'S FIRST BATH! YAYZ :D

Please review. I wanna get to 50 reviews if that's not TOO much trouble.. I mean, right now there's 41 (as I type this) so 9 more and I'll most certainly not keep you waiting 2 more years for another chapter ^_^ Please? :O

Anyways...here's **MOMMY, SEND ME AN ANGEL **CHAPTER 5

* * *

"Here we go..."

Deidara set the tyke on the toilet after lowering the lid for her to perch on while he readied the tub.

He knelt down and turned the crystal knobs to make clean, fresh water gush out of the faucet. Quickly he set the plug in to fill the bathtub, and busied himself testing the temperature with his fingers and making adjustments.

Miko was beginning to feel warm. She watched as the glass mirror above the sink next to her quickly began to fog itself up. It was becoming a slight hassle to breathe, but she managed. Deidara, her savior, kneeling beside a big rectangle-hole-thing with his back to her. Water was gushing out, slowly filling it up. Was this bath?

"Okay, all filled, un!" The blond ninja switched the water off and turn on his crouched knees to the little girl sitting on the potty behind him. He offered her a relaxed smile, extended his hands for her to take.

"C'mere, baby, time to get you all cleaned up, yeah..."

Miko hesitated for a second, only a second, but took his hand all the same. She slid off the big round chair-thing and stood before Deidara, waiting for him to give her a "bath".

"Okay now.." he gave her a steady gaze. "First.." his hands drifted to the hem of her dress. "we need to take this off, 'kay?"

What? No no...

"Nah..noooo..." Miko fisted the edges of her dress and began tugging it down with more force than the barely-there elasticity of the fabric could take. She turned away from him. **No no no... I want it kept on. No bath then, I don't need a bath. Keep it on me...**

"Wait, kid! Stop! You'll stretch out your dress..!" Deidara grabbed at the girl's hands and pried them away from the hem. She twisted and turned as he reeled her in closer to his chest.

"**Mommy! Nooo... no-no-nooo..." **

"Shhh, shhh, calm down kid, it's okay. I won't take it off if you don't want me to...Shh, it's okay..."

Miko gulped a big lungful of air, wiping her eyes on Deidara's bare shoulder. She sniffled, waited with a slightly headachey noggin while he patted her back and reassured her that he meant no harm.

"I'm sorry kiddo," he said, retreating back to take a good look at the toddler, "I'm sorry." But it was essential that he give her a bath. Her hair was greasy and dirty and hung in her face; she looked like a dark sheepdog. Skin was gray and brown from dirt and grime that had never been washed off before. And surely warm water could relieve tension from an uptight, nervous child.

Cupping her deflated cheeks with large calloused hands, Deidara looked her in the eye calmly.

"Please let me wash you. I promise I won't do anything to harm you. I'll stop if you get uncomfortable. I'll stop immediately. I won't do anything you don't want me to do until you feel you are ready, okay?" It was silent for a moment as he let the words sink in.

Miko stared with unfocused eyes. He'll stop when she tells him to? Did he really give her that power over him? What was his game..?

Tiny hands clapped themselves over larger models, pressing them even harder against her face. How..how..can he do this?..

"What do you say?" Miko zeroed in on his mouth, lips flapping to form words that took her awhile to comprehend and decipher. It was if it were a whole new language she was learning, and she was trying desperately hard to keep up with memorization of words and meanings. "Are you ready for a bath, little girl..hm?"

_Are you ready?_

Am I ready?

_For a bath.._

For a bath...

Yes.

"Good." Deidara broke into a large grin at her nod. Good! Yes, convinced her! Well that was out of the way. But had that been the hard part...or the easy part?

He reacted so well to her confirmation. He must really want to give her this "bath". It made Miko's heart pound a little faster to know that she had made him happy by giving him the answer he wanted to hear. He was pleased, very pleased with her, and that's all that mattered. For him to be happy. That's all that mattered for as long as they would be together.

"Okay..." he muttered, more to himself than to anyone else. "Okay..."

His hands reached for her dress once more, and this time she let him yank it swiftly up; her head popped out of the hole after some soft tugging, and then Deidara took his time to change the garment outside-in.

After folding it beside him in a neat and orderly manner, he turned to the child, who covered her privates with her tiny fists in a fig-leaf formation, staring at him with shy, doe eyes. Almost like the eyes of a lolita, having the knowledge that there were men out there that wanted her body, yet pretended that wasn't the case. But Deidara wasn't like that. He was surprised the comparison popped into his head.

"That stupid brothel must be getting to me." he thought.

He looked her over, felt a mixture of rage and pity and sadness by the shoddy state of her body:

The flesh reflected all that had been done over the course of her short life. Scars and bruises clearly marred her once-perfect skin. There was a particularly large blue blotch on her hip. He pressed his finger against it. The little girl closed her eyes, whined, and turned away from his touch. It obviously caused her some pain.

"Does that hurt?" She nodded, wincing as the wound throbbed and ached beneath her skin.

"Sorry.. You've got bruises everywhere, kid. I can't believe they haven't all healed in the past few days...but I'm sure you've grown to expect this sort of thing from people, huh?"

Miko looked at him funny. Of course she did.

"But anyways..let's get started before the water gets too cold for us to use!"

Then he picked the child up...

Miko's breath hitched in her throat. This is it...

And then he set her in the water.

It's...wet...wet all over …

This was bath? How odd. Never in her whole life had she been submerged in 'wet' like this. It wasn't sticky or gooey... It seemed fresh and pure. Miko could see her own shadow reflected in the wet, and Deidara's too. She cupped the wet in her hands and lifted it up to see. Dozens of tiny droplets commenced their tip-tip-tipping back into the pool as they ever so slowly drained through the cracks in her hands. Miko then opened her hands up, releasing the water, and it made a splash before her.

"Hn..." Miko saw Deidara watching her at her left, studying her reactions to this new experience of "bath". She stared back. He held a small blue square cloth in his hand and a white lump of something in the other.

"Well.." he started, straightening his back, "let's get started shall we, yeah.."

After wetting the towel, Deidara proceeded to wash the girl's face. She squinted as he attacked her with the wet cloth, trying to steady herself with a hand on the side of the tub as she leaned away from him, but he held her chin to keep her still.

"C'mon, baby...Stay still, 'kay? If you stay still it'll go faster and I can get you clean faster, un.."

It was a little bit of a job trying to get her face clean. The dirt was almost determined on sticking to her skin. He couldn't really tell the difference between bruises and grime, so dark spots he mistook for filth turned out to actually hurt the girl, and she whimpered a few times, gripping onto his wrist as she did so, squeezing when those spots throbbed in pain.

"Sorry...sorry..."

After finishing, he retreated his hand and dunked the washcloth into the water and set to work again. He proceeded to scrub her back, armpits, and the arms themselves. After finishing that, he asked that she stood.

Miko stood up. Droplets running down her skinny form, into the nooks and crannies between her legs and dripping from there. That was his next target, and possibly the dirtiest spot of her entire body.

"Okay, now I'm gonna wash your legs, kid. You just lean your hands on my shoulders like this...that's it, just lean like that...careful, don't fall, un! Gotcha.. okay...just lean like this..good girl.." Miko closed her eyes...she didn't want to look at him when he washed her down there, when he "bathed" her there...

She sniffed. She felt like crying. Mommy...

"Shh...baby shh.. almost done. You're doing such a good job for me, such a good job, yeah. There...done. You can sit down now..."

Miko did as he bid. It wasn't so bad, actually. Just a quick swipe between her legs, once for soap, another for rinsing. But it scared her so much. Scared her of what he might've done to her. Scared because he might've tricked her and touched her there when she didn't want him to, scared because then she would've lost trust in him, her one and only friend. And then what would happen?

She began to cry. Her cheeks began to tinge pink as a blush overcame her face and her eyes were leaking tears as fast as the water dripping from her hair.

"What's wrong, baby? Did I scrub too hard? Was it too soon? Damnit, I should've let you wash yourself there in the first place.." She kneaded an eye with a fist, looking so innocent and pained and troubled in that tub. Deidara wanted to scoop her out of that water and kiss her, hold, her, love her like a little baby. That's how adorable she was. It was a real challenge not to give into motherly instincts he didn't know he had until he had met the child. Poor baby, poor sweet baby...

Deidara closed his eyes and kneaded them with his knuckles. Damnit, now she was crying again, and it had been easily preventable! Fuck it. Fuck it all to hell.

Miko looked up and saw his reaction to her crying was not a good one. He was mad that he had made her cry...why? Why should he be mad? It was her fault, wasn't it?

He was squeezing the washcloth so tightly in his hand that the water was being rung out of it and onto the floor. She wiped her tears away with wet palms, and without a moment of deliberation, reached out to touch his hot hand.

Deidara jolted suddenly, and Miko retreated, back against the tub with a splashing of water. She bit her lip. The movement startled her, and she had flinched away just like always.

They stared at each other, this awkward moment where there wasn't really anything to say to the other.

Until Deidara cleared his throat and averted his eyes to the shampoo bottle standing on the edge of the bathtub.

"Let's wash your hair now, un..."

He placed one hand on her back and one on her chest, and asked kindly and softly to lie down in the water. Miko was unsure of this, but slight pressure on her breasts told her to do so. It was a slow dunk, and everything but her face became submerged. Her ears were muffled by the water. It waved and washed over her; her hair had become soft and free-floating around her scalp. She stared up at Deidara, his figure a black shape blocking the light on the ceiling of the bathroom. Water bubbled and sloshed around her as he ran his fingers through her hair, making sure it was completely wet before pulling her back up.

Miko's head felt heavy, but her hair was now smooth and sleek down the back of her neck. She saw him open up a bottle and pour something sweet-smelling into his hands, rub them together, and then place his hands on her head. He rubbed diligently until her head had become a big puffy white mess.

Deidara paused to wash his hands in the tub, and Miko took this moment to touch her head. She pulled back her hand and saw white fluff. The curious child pulled it close to her face. Tiny, tiny bubbles all clustered to make up this mysterious stuff. She smooshed it in her hands with a soft splat and it exploded everywhere.

Deidara laughed softly as he watched the kid taking more and more foam from her head and splatting it between her hands all over the walls and even on himself once or twice. He wiped the foam off his clothes here and there and watched her have her fun for a little bit before getting back to business.

"Okay baby, we're almost done, we just gotta rinse one more time. Lean back now like a good girl... That's it, un."

Another dunk in the water, and Miko was told she was finished with her bath.

He helped her out of the tub, paused for a moment to lean over into the tub and pull the plug (with her standing next to him, dripping wet and naked the whole time), and then set to find some towels to wrap up the squeaky-clean kid in.

"Here, found some!" Deidara announced after opening the cabinet door next to the sink.

He held one end and let the towel unfold itself, then pounced on the drippy kid with it and began to rub her head all over.

"Uhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuh..!" the kid said as her noggin was being whipped around so violently from having her hair being toweled dry.

Deidara barked a laugh, finding this to be amusing. Then he paused to take a peek at his progress. The little girl's now-clean black hair was all whipped out of sorts, yet the wet locks were mostly falling in their natural way. He grinned at her while she stood naked and wet before his knelt self. She looked at him shyly, turning a little to hide her private place.

"Alright, almost-almost done. All we need to do now is dry you off and put on some nightie-night clothes on, yeah..."

Miko was suddenly wrapped in the towel used to dry her hair and lifted into Deidara's arms. He opened the door to exit the bathroom, turned off the light, and stepped to his bed. The air was cool, and Miko shivered as her wet skin was chilled by the temperature outside the steamy bathroom.

He set her on the bed. It was almost like that first night in his room, Miko realized. That first night, covered by his cloak, and he held her so gently and rocked her to sleep. Would the same happen tonight? If she asked him, would he? She wanted it to be so.

"Here, I bought you some feety-pajamas, un! You'll look so cute in these!" He held up the aforementioned garment from his dresser drawer for her to see. It was pink, and looked very soft; indeed it did have "feet" pads for her. But how was she gonna get into it?

Miko rubbed the towel against herself, drying the last bit of dampness from her skin as Deidara stepped over and laid the pajamas beside her on the bed.

"Oh, but you need underwear too, un...I forgot about them. Damnit." He towered over her, gazing down at her with a concentrated , almost screwed-up thinking face.

Underwear? What are underwear? Did she really need them?

Miko stroked the pajamas lying next to her. So soft... It would be okay to wear this without "undies", couldn't it?

Gazing up at the man, Miko watched him concentrate very deeply. He rested his index finger underneath his chin with his other hand supporting the elbow. He looked around, thinking.

"Hmm...ah—no..um...damn, what could you possibly wear?"

Miko turned back to the pajamas. She would get to wear them, wouldn't she?

She turned her head to Deidara.

He was leaving.

Why?

"Naaah..."

"In a second, baby girl," he told her as he stood at the door, knob twisted in his hand, "just a second. Can you wait for just a second baby girl, hm?"

He stared for her answer and she knew she had to reply quickly. Miko nodded.

This made him smile gently. "Good girl, good girl. I'll be right back, right back. Then we can put on your jammies and then I'll get you something to eat and then we'll think of something else to do..!" He quickly closed the door behind him, but not before reassuring he would be stepping out for "just a second, baby girl, just a second" one last time.

And he told the truth. One minute he was out, and the next minute he was back in the room. Didn't even give Miko a chance to relax.

"Here we go!" Deidara strode over to the bed, a white cloth and some shiny things in hand.

He was hovering over her, hair loosened and bare-chested (she forgot when that had happened, so caught up in everything and yet nothing happening all around her), that handsome, gentle expression on his face as he gazed upon her toweledness.

His caress beneath her chin was fluent in motion and tender. Miko closed her eyes for a second to appreciate what touch meant to her skin, what it meant to her that he did this so frequently.

"Here we go..." he repeated, softer, almost farther away than he really was.

"Baby girl, please look at me. I need you to lie down on the bed. I'm gonna put a diaper on you. Don't get scared; just lie on your back and take away the towel for a second..good girl, good girl...Now..." The girl stared up at him with those wary eyes. Laid out before him like a helpless body to do as he pleased. Her skin was so pale, her wet hair clumped together around her head, and her nipples were tinted pink. Baby pink. Sweet-looking. And her lips matched those nipples. Puckered up just so..lips that any woman would die for.. lips designed to suck the life out of the nearest nipple or anything that provided milk or food...

Deidara gripped the diaper-cloth when he heard the pitiful wimper reach his ears. He'd eyed her up far too long.

He was staring at her. Miko had been going along with his plans all this time because she thought he was... different... the pain was always erased. But he was staring at her. Not at her face no... only a matter of time before he—

"Okay baby, I'm gonna lift your legs up like this, see? Don't get scared, it's all right. I'm sliding this under you like this...There we go..you're being such a good girl for Dei, such a good girl...and now.."

After parting her skinny thighs, Deidara slipped up a corner of the cloth to Miko's navel. He told her to hold it for her, just like that, and she did. Then he took the other side and folded them so they all met up at the tummy.

"Such a good girl, such a helpful girl, un..." Miko watched him, his head tilted and focus on her waist. After some fiddling, he stepped back to admire his handiwork.

"There! All done! … You can let go of the diaper now, hehe..." Miko looked down at herself to see what he had done:

She was wrapped in the cloth, completely covering her bottom. She spread her legs—toes pointing in the air—to inspect further. It was padded. It was holding when she squirmed in her spot. There was a shiny thing holding it all together, placed exactly where her belly button would be if it wasn't hidden.

Deidara laughed softly, but it was not very heartfelt, and stepped forward to gently pushed the warm legs down so they wouldn't kick him in the face. Besides, it was a very...compromising pose.

He then unzipped the pajama-suit lying next to the child; then placed it behind her back as she slipped her arms into the sleeves. Unzipping it more and having her lie on the bed, he popped her feet into it. They were icy cold he noticed, and squeezed them with his hot hands for a few seconds before proceeding to do that.

The blond ninja was not particularly experienced with zippering children up, so as he did just that, he skimmed to close to the child's skin and pinched the flesh on her knee.

Miko let out a quick whine.

"Oh, I'm sorry, sorry.." and without thinking Deidara bent down to kiss the red mark blossoming on her freshly clean skin. He then rubbed it with his finger to help soothe it better. "Sorry..sorry, un..."

Miko stared at Deidara's lowered head. The tresses of his golden hair tickled her tummy.

"Mnah..."

That caught Deidara's attention. He looked up, saw her stare back at him, and then hastily finished zipping her up without anymore troubles.

The second he stepped away, Miko retreated to herself and inspected the clothing she now wore. It covered her in pink from shoulders to feet. It made her feel so warm... It was like being hugged all the time.

Miko squeezed herself. Warm...

Deidara crossed his arms and grinned to himself. She looked so warm in that... he just wanted to lay her down in his bed and snuggle next to her..she really was becoming cuter by the second.

The girl must've heard him thinking, because she glanced up at him. Her eyes were hazel orbs with innocence shining clearly through them. Such a cute innocence..such an adorable innocence..such a …

He wanted her. Deidara wanted her so badly. He wanted to hold her and cuddle her like a babe.

Silence. Simple staring contest.

Miko's tummy rumbled. She "oh!"'d softly, her lips forming the vowel's shape unconsciously as she hugged her empty belly.

Deidara chuckled and leaned forward—hands on his knees— so that the child and he were eye level.

"You gettin' hungry, baby, hm? Want me to get you something before bed time?"

Miko jerked her head once and bit her lip, looking so demure. It was so natural to her! Brilliant!

He ruffled her damp hair with his large hand. "Okay, I'll be right back again, okay kid? One more time. You lay in bed while I find something for you to nibble on, yeah?" Miko was scooting herself back near the headboard and the pillows as Deidara turned around and exited the room through the door, closing it softly behind him once more.

…

"Here we go baby, I got you some yogurt. I hope you like it,yeah.." Deidara sat on the bedside with the girly right next to him. She leaned against his side, waiting like a baby bird to be fed.

Anything was good to Miko. Anything at all. Because being fed was a blessing itself in her eyes, and the fact that this man wanted to feed her regularly always seemed too perfect of a reality to be believed.

"Here we go, say aah!"

She parted her lips slightly, but that was all.

"A little wider, come on baby... there we go.." Deidara gently spooned the yogurt into the child's mouth. She closed her lips and swallowed slowly.

"Taste good?"

She thought for a second, then looked up into his face and nodded.

He smiled warmly. "That's good baby girl, that's good, un...

..You want some more?" Miko nodded once more, and he resumed feeding her.

When Deidara had finally scraped the last bits of yogurt from the cup –it didn't take long, really- he threw it into the trash.

The girl had lots of yogurt around the corners of her mouth.

"You silly girl," he laughed, "look at yourself, you're already dirty! And I just gave you a bath!"

Miko cast down her head in shame.

"Oh no, don't be sad, it was just a joke. Come here, yeah.." he pulled the child into his lap and wiped away the excess food stuffs from her mouth with his thumb. Then he stuck the digit past her lips for her to suck on the leftover yogurt.

"It's okay, I was just joking. Don't get sad...I feel sad when you're sad, baby girl."

Miko silently took the thumb out of her mouth. She crawled out of his lap.

"Hehe, where're you going, kiddo, yeah?" He was chuckling as she had suddenly become so mobile, and of her own free will.

Miko made it to the pile of pillows on the bed and rested her head on them, curling up for sleepy-time.

"You going to bed now? It's only 7:30! Aah well..." He'd stay up for a little while longer. Going to bed too early would make him sleepy in the morning, something he learned in childhood.

Deidara leaned in close to the girl, who was right now trying to fall asleep.

"Come on kiddo, let's get you under these covers, hm?"

Miko opened her eyes and glanced at him, so close to her face. His breath blew across her cheek, filling up her nose with a sweet scent. She reached up and hooked her arms around his neck and he pulled back so she was hanging like a little monkey in midair.

It was actually quite a heavy load for Deidara, despite the child's lightweight appearance, so he quickly drew back the covers of the bedspread and laid her down back in her spot.

She curled up again almost instantaneously, and that made him smile with a feeling almost like nostalgia. But not quite.

"This thing's so cute," he thought as he watched the girl's chest expand with her, then shrink, all the while watching her sweet lips pass air between them when she breathed. "This thing..girl..kiddo. baby...hm, I don't even know her name. Does she have one? What is it? What if she doesn't have one... I don't know what to call her if she doesn't..."

Deidara continued gazing into her hair-tangled face. But after awhile, he became bored and sat down at his desk to think. Not anything particular, just a stream-of-consciousness to reflect on his day's work and the child.

Only after much later did he retire to his bed. When he laid down next to the girl, she stirred. He froze. He didn't want to have her wake up. She deserved her rest. But in fact she did wake up, but only half-way. Enough for her to shift herself to curl up next to his side like a little kitten seeking comfort with its Mama. Her hands and face were cold pressed against his warm torso, and he jolted just a bit when she touched him. But his nerves became used to the sudden extreme temperature and he laid his arm loosely over her person, a shield to guard her from the world while they slept.

And before long, Deidara had fallen into a content slumber from being lulled by the sweet, rhythmic sound of Miko's breathing.

* * *

I hope you all enjoyed it!

And I hope it was worth the wait.. But it probably wasn't T_T

But tell me off (YES IT WAS AWESOME!) by reviewing! Or private messaging me.. But reviews are preferred

'cuz I like seeing the number of reviews go up for my stories ^_^;

Please review! I want to get to 50 for this chapter, if it's not too much trouble!

(NOTE: Not 50 for this one chapter, but achieve 50 in total by this chapter... lol _ )


	6. Everyday

**Thank you all for waiting patiently, and impatiently, for this newest installment..**

**I've been thinking in the back of my head how bad the Chapter entitled "A Little Lunch" is.. I just think it's so bad.. but I have no heart to edit it... I wanna delete it badly... Maybe I will... :/**

**So read and review... And thanks a whole bunch for reviewing in surplus when I requested it! Thank you Thank you Thank you.. Now let's make this chapter a bang! :D**

**And also, let's clock 100 reviews for this chapter! :D ..**

**Haha.. Just kidding.. But seriously. READ :|**

* * *

"Little girl, I'm back..! Where are yoooou, un?"

"Nah..!" came the reply.

Deidara had returned from the outside world. He had been busy experimenting with a different form of clay bomb that could possibly be added to his arsenal. The blond had popped in and out after a long mission—without changing Miko or even offering a snack—and then was off, promising the girl that he would only be an hour or two at the latest. But unfortunately, he had lost track of the time, busy reveling in the beauty of art in its purest form ever possible..

And the poor thing must've been starving all this time when he was out having fun...

"There she is! I'm sorry I kept you waiting. I'm such a stupid-head, yeah.."

Miko didn't mind much. Her tummy hurt a lot and she was feeling quite dizzy from hunger and she knew she had to be changed for awhile now, but none of that mattered in the slightest. He had returned to her.. And he seemed satisfied. She silently thanked the thing that made him happy, whatever it was.

The Akatsuki's professional arsonist made his way to the bed with the little girl bounding at his heels like an attentive puppy.

Deidara sat down and took off his hat and began running his hand through his loose bangs slowly. He then felt his neck..No sunburn...Obviously, he had been wearing his hat, but he was cooking inside this robe. Black was not meant to be worn extensively on bright, sunny days...Deidara hastily began unbuttoning it and shrugged it off his shoulders so it still remained wrapped around his waist. He wondered if the girl had ever been outside on a sunny day...Probably not...Then he thought: Could he make that a reality—

"Nah-ah!" Deidara looked up. She was waiting in front of him, her eyes dancing. He couldn't tell what though. Happiness? Excitement? Nervousness? Impatience?

He gave her a soft smile. He had almost forgotten about her. "Baby girl.." The ninja hauled the kid up and balanced her on his knees. She held onto his arm for support and stroked his face with her pale little hand.

He liked it when she did that.

"And how was _your_ day, hm?" The kid's head jerked down once, which was probably her way of answering as 'good'. "I hope it was good...Hey, you hungry? I'll bet you are..."

At this, Miko retreated her hand and turned away from his gaze.

Even if he seemed nice...even if he was gentle... she couldn't ask the man for anything without feeling bashful. She didn't want to seem greedy, so she kept her requests to a minimum. Sometimes he had to make her eat when she was so worry-filled with other more important matters rather than hunger:

Maybe she was crying too much and annoying him.

Maybe she was a lazy good-for-nothing and it was secretly getting on his nerves that she only took and never gave back.

Maybe he thought she was a greedy pig that constantly ate and ate all his food up until one day he would be at his wits end and never ever let her eat again.

Or punish her by touching her. She didn't know if he was capable of doing that, but she had always been deceived by a person's hidden intentions in the end. Always.

Deidara took her face in his hand so she would look him in the eye once more. Rubbed his thumb against her cheek as he asked her: "Why are you still so shy, little one? Are you still scared of me? After all this time, heh?"

Miko said nothing. She was now focused on a thought that had just formed in her head, sparked by his words:

She never would've thought in her wildest dreams that she would be in the company of another so willingly. A grown man at that. She never would have guessed in all of her limited knowledge that somewhere out there, there was a man like Mama. A man who was neither repulsed by her smell or appearance nor eager to do bad and painful things to her and then up and leave.

No. He was not like that. Not like that so far. But always in the back of her mind was this: How long until the inevitable came? When he left and never came back? Tomorrow? The next day? The day after that? A week? A month? A year? It drove Miko nearly to tears thinking about it. But she never cried about those fears in front of him. Never.

She was being so quiet. Deidara could see her mind was somewhere else. He studied the baby face, the thin jaw between his fingers and thumb, trying to catch her eye; but found her dulled hazel eyes to be looking but not seeing. She was staring right in his face, but nothing registered on hers. Lost in thought perhaps? What was the little one thinking about? He would give up nearly anything to know what was going on inside her head.

"Baby girl..?" he murmured.

The child blinked as he said those words, breaking the self-induced trance. Suddenly realizing where she was and who was speaking to her.

"Naaah..." She focused on him. Her mouth shape like a little "O". Pale cheeks turned just a shade darker than usual. A blush, perhaps (or a bruise left unhealed)? She looked so cute. But her eyes were so dull. Nearly all the life in them sucked out. He could barely see the natural light reflected in them. A sad doll's eyes...

His hand dropped from her face, but then instead reached behind the dark head to push her forward. Deidara quickly brushed his bangs aside for the moment to rest his forehead against hers as their heads met together.

It was odd and alien. Their heads were touching. Miko knew her head was very soft, proven time and time again from it being smashed against the headboard or from falling off the bed onto the floor. So this was very dangerous.

She focused between her eyes. His eyes were closed. His eyes were closed? What...

"...Nyaaa...?"

"Shh..it's alright."

He had whispered that. That must mean that this was supposed to be quiet time. Miko guessed that was alright with her.

A minute passed. Deep and even breathing ensued. Absolute silence. The hand holding the child's head in place gradually slipped lower and lower until it rested on her lower back. This was marked by a soft sigh from the ninja, something that only mildly halted the unspoken rhythm of things but did not overtly disrupt what was taking place between them.

His ears heard her breathing stop. She was about to begin her retreat. Must stop this at once; can't the kid ever just relax?.

Deidara initiated the rubbing-up-and-down-her-back trick. This seemed to make her less than tense. He held back a smile. Not done yet.

Miko felt him shift the tiniest way, and the bridge of his straight nose was now touching her own.

And now she understood what he silently told her, through that single touch. _Do it. Do what you feel is right._

Miko's hands were acting by her naïve, wishful heart's commands, not the jaded brain she relied on so heavily nowadays to stay "alive".

His biceps were not bulging, but were still firm and felt strong. Strong arms... She secretly wished for strong arms like his to hold her whenever she felt the need. Of course that would never happen. Just a fantasy. He would only hold her when he wanted, and those commonly uncommon moments were treasured in her heart until the next time.

Miko stared into his closed eyes. Waiting for her to do what he thought she needed to do.

Their foreheads separated; the child was the one to initiate the breakup.

Deidara was at first surprised, but remained as he was. Statue-still, eyes closed. Waiting...waiting...

And then the next thing he felt was a pair of soft baby lips brush against his temple.

He opened his eyes. Just in time to see her retreat back into his lap from stretching to reach his forehead. Her hands were laced and her head was bowed, probably in an attempt to look as unassuming as possible.

"Hn.." He lifted up her chin with his first finger. Her poker face was on. At the moment, he couldn't get a good reading on her state of mind. Just a passive face. Not a frown or a smile, or a tear forming in her eye either.

But her mouth then opened and for a moment Deidara thought she was about to attempt to "speak". But it was just to moisten her pale pink lips. And then her little tongue retreated back into that small mouth and it closed in a nervous line. A grimace.

The baby hands held his wrist in place. Keeping it steady and waiting for him to make his final move. She knew that he was about to pull something. She didn't know what exactly, but she did know that he was trying to break down her walls slowly, brick-by-brick, to make it work.

She stared into his eyes. The passive, "I'm-right-here-do-what-you-like-I-won't-be-able-to-stop-you-anyways" look.

_Come on kid, don't stare at me like that..You know me better.._ Deidara groaned. Inside his head of course.

Deidara tilted his head a little. Miko stiffened. This is it.

Moving, slowly dipping his head in to the child's. Pausing to catch his breath. Why had he lost breath? This. was not. a crime. He was going to do anything but hurt her. Why was he hesitating? Unsure if this was the right path to take? The correct choice to make at this time right now? Too soon? Too fast? How will she react? What will happen after—

Shut up. Shut UP.

His tongue poked out between his teeth. Time to wet his lips right now. No, better not. Rub em together to make em dry again. Wet lips aren't the best feeling in the world to a child. Especially this child.

Miko was simply waiting. She could see an inner battle raging within the man. Behind his eyes. His eyes were directed right at her, but weren't focusing on her. No, more like looking past her to focus on something in his head. What—

Too late to finish that thought. He was making his move.

A heartbeat.

Closer.

A heartbeat atop of another.

The tip of her nose was lightly pressed against his chin.

A second later.

Miko's eyes widened slightly. H-he—He is—

_Badump._

Deidara removed his lips from the girl's temple. Even. It was only a light touch, just as hers had felt to him. It felt like the right thing to do. For some reason it did.

She was confused. Shocked. A little scared.

He cradled her head in his hands.

"Do you know why I did that, un?"

No.. Why?

Waiting for an answer. Too bad he asked posed to her that query before coming up with a definite reply. Idiot.

She was waiting.. waiting. Those eyes.. those curious eyes that seemed so tired of being bemused and... that just wanted to _know_: Why?

"Because..." He was searching deep inside his head for a reason. If he found none then he knew he would be in trouble. The first step in ravishing the poor girl would be her first thought as a result. And then it would surely go downhill from there in terms of trust and faith in him to take care of her. A reason.. a reason.

And then he had one.. Something that was a reason and at the same time changed subjects ..

"Because you're such a sweet little thing," he whispered, "you know that...don't you un?"

"...Mah.." The girl was thrown off by that. Never took comments like that seriously or to heart. He could tell very easily she never understood what he meant when he said things like that to her. What the contents of those words held.

He sighed and pressed her head to his chest. Remaining completely still, Miko could make out the soft thump-thumping in Deidara's chest... Slowly fingers delved into her hair and gently pulled out without a snarl or a tangle to get caught on and make her cry out in pain. "Of course you don't. You don't know how adorable and sweet you really are." He sniffed, suddenly realizing the malignant odor that wafted from her.

"Whew! You probably need to be changed, yeah!"

…..

He gave Miko something to nibble on after changing her diaper and putting on a clean one. A few crackers and bits of cheese. She liked the cheese the most, and consequently gobbled it all up before finishing up her crackers.

With crumbs sticking to the corners of her mouth, Miko slid off the bed and landed on her knees with a thud.

"Careful, yeah.." Deidara murmured, not looking up from his work. He was at his desk and out of uniform, wearing slacks and a simple fishnet shirt, sketching something on a piece of paper. The lamp was on because evening had set in.

Miko shuffled over in her lace-trimmed socks across the carpet to the blond ninja. In her hand was a cracker. The last cracker. She wanted to offer it as a present to him. She hoped he would like it. The others had been so tasty, and it had taken all her will power not to finish the final cracker on the spot.

When Miko had arrived at the designated point next to the man sitting in the chair, she waited a moment and then lightly tapped his lightly-tanned elbow.

"Hm?" Deidara turned his head and looked down to find the little girl with little jagged teeth stuck out in different directions biting her lip. He glanced at her hands. They were balled into fists. Was she upset? Angry? Or...was she holding onto something?

"What do you want, yeah?"

Miko stopped, bit her lip; she couldn't find the words—or more accurately, "word"—to describe what she wanted. So instead she reached up on her tippy-toes and began quietly pawing at his large hand.

"What's up, hm? You want my hand for something?" Miko paused to look him square in the eye, and nodded to confirm.

"Okay then..."

He offered the child his hand. She in turn took it. It was warm and dry, calloused-looking around his finger tips, but otherwise smooth on the back. A crease running horizontally down the middle. That's where the slimy thing was. She had never seen it eye-to-eye, but it had indeed emerged from its hiding place on a few occasions of hand-holding or stroking her cheek on Deidara's part.

Miko had the sudden urge to lay her face against Deidara's palm, to breathe in the unique scent of his skin: ash and earth and...man... But she fought off that impulse. Another time, perhaps.

Her other hand, closed in a small, white-knuckled fist, hovered over the ninja's outstretched palm, as if about to bestow a gift via dropping it.

And she did.

"Hm?"

It was a cracker.

Deidara retreated his hand, studying the salty square offered to him. He then glanced at the Bestower of Salty Snacks.

Miko bowed her head and stepped back, giving him space to make his decision. Accept or Reject.

"For me, hm?"

Miko only nodded, still avoiding his piercing gaze._ Please like it..._

But then her chin was lifted up. Deidara had now fully turned in his chair so his body finally aligned with hers. Giving her his full attention. The fingers of his free hand supporting her head. She saw him slowly place the cracker into his mouth, chew quickly, and swallow.

And then a smile.

Deidara leaned in close to the child's face. She was unnaturally still, waiting for his reaction with bated breath. It was almost unreal how she could freeze like this... "Thanks, kid..." The whisper to Miko's ear tickled the shell, made her face twitch.

The little girl felt her chest tighten. Why is it so hard to breathe? It aches, but it's a good ache. What is this feeling? Those words, that expression, that tone...

_Too nice._

No...

_Just right_.

Deidara retreated, glimpsed the thousand yard stare she supported in her eyes, and frowned slightly. "Hm? Something wrong?" Too much? Shocked her into statue-mode by just accepting a cracker and saying "thanks"?

This kid needed a lot of work...

_No...Nothing's wrong. I'm fine..._

"Hm.." Deidara waited for a moment, then made another move, one Miko didn't have time to react to, so distracted by his acceptance of her gift and the spoken gratitude that came with it. He lifted his hand to her head and began rubbing her hair affectionately.

This was out of left-field, which made the Miko's brain overload with confusion, which in turn made Miko close her eyes. Relying on all senses except sight, for she couldn't let her eyes trick her at a time like this. Was he truly doing what she thought he was doing? What were her senses telling her?

_What do you feel? _

Felt the fingers run through her clean hair. Felt her heartbeat against her chest. Felt her ribs squeezing around her lungs, caging inside the air that so desperately wanted to escape from her lips in the form of a contented sigh...

_What do you hear? _

Heard his breathing, smooth, flowing out easily without any obstruction. Didn't—no—couldn't hear her own.

_What do you smell?_

Smelt the fabric of his clothes, even from so far away it seemed, a thousand miles it looked like with his arm stretched out, she could still catch his scent. She made sure to memorize it, the way it tingled her nose with its bitter earthiness and yet its perfume-like lilt of flowers.

_And what do you taste?_

Miko opened her mouth. Her tongue lifted from its palate very slightly. She took her first breath in an eternity. Cold and refreshing. Much better than regular air because he was breathing the same air as she. He made the air pure. Breathing in what he was breathing out, and in doing so, consuming some of him in the process...It made the girl's head swim a little. To think of such a thing..

_Memorize.._

_Memorize.._

_Remember what is happening.. _

_Make sure to remember for later.._

_For when the bad times come. _

_Lock it away inside yourself, so you can call upon it when it is too much to bear. _

_Remember it.._.

Deidara stroked the child's head; she seemed to enjoy it very much. Her cheeks slowly tinted themselves with color, and her rigid jaw became relaxed and unhinged just enough to part her soft lips and let air pass through them steadily. Good thing too, he thought, she would've soon passed out. And there's no fun in that happening, is there?

"Such a sweet little girl..." he whispered as he pulled his fingers through her too-long hair. Languid thoughts began to drift in and out of his head, as if brought on by this simple action of preening the child:

_Maybe it should be cut..Would she even like scissors? Probably not... Maybe just a quick trim then... But I don't know how to cut hair...aah well. Put that on a To-Do list...maybe get some ribbons instead..she would look like a little doll in ribbons, I'll bet...if I put a new dress on her to match them...Heh, she's turning into my little dress-up doll..But I'll bet she wouldn't mind, would she? She likes clothes. She likes anything I give her. That's one of her perks. Anything is fine with her... Nice to have a girl like that around...Easy to manage, easy to care for..._

And Deidara thought of something a little risky. A little daring. He ran the pronounced knuckles of his other magic hand against the child's hollow, lightly scarred face.

The child shivered noticeably; she tucked her chin into her chest and leaned against his hand so he wouldn't be able to touch her neck. A childish prevention from tickling, but it wasn't tickling she was guarding against. He could figure that out easily enough.

Mindless, repetitive, calming to him in an odd way. Zen-like. Stroke, stroke, stroke...pull fingers out...stroke stroke...

This whole time he studied her intently with his crystal blue gaze. Narrowing, squinting, widening, all for a chance to get a better look at the girl. Different angles of seeing... What did she look like if I close my eyes halfway? Open them wide? Tilt my head this way? Lean in close? Pull far back?

And she had not a clue that he was examining her like a new species of animal or a small boy with a brightly colored butterfly caught in his net. Just stood there before him, eyes closed, accepting his touches without any hindrance on her part.

She was too guarded, yet—at the exact same time—so willing.

The smirk that flashed on his face at the previous thought wilted into a grimace. It was funny in its own not-really-ironic-way, yet kind of nasty to think about. Something not to delve into; like why she acted and behaved like this. He knew why, yet didn't know the full extent, the... majority of her suffering. Only had a vague idea, didn't know and didn't want to know all the details. Kind of selfish and lazy on his part, maybe a little apprehensive and..afraid of what he might learn.

But how could she tell him anyways? By giving him a demonstration? Capital N-O. No.

Sigh..

Miko opened her eyes, the wonderful magic spell broken instantaneously.

He had turned back in his seat now, and resumed doing whatever he had been doing before. "I have to work a little while longer, okay un?" he said without glancing to see if she had heard, "if you're a good girl, I'll get you a treat. How does that sound..."

The last bit added to help seal the deal of wanting to be left alone. The blond didn't _not _enjoy her company, but it was time for him to enjoy a bit of solitude. And she distracted him from that with her cuteness, simple—and as embarrassing to admit—as that.

With silent understanding and a bow of her dark shaggy head, the "sweet little girl" retreated to herself in a corner of the room where she kept quiet. Replaying all the sensations that man had given Miko in those moments over and over again in her head until she soon became full to the brim with pleasant thoughts.

* * *

Deidara was becoming accustomed to the girl's lodgings in his room. It soon became almost like a small blessing, in a sense. Something to look forward to after a long day –or long days—of bombing, kidnapping, torturing, near-fatal missions, and other back-breaking work.

He would return some days with his face either beaten up or full of soot, his body similar or worse off, his cloak torn and ripped, his hair matted...

And she would be there to worry over him. As if she was the mother and he the little child who needed the extra attention she deserved instead of him _("No really, I'm fine...ow..Really, yeah!")._

Or he would return extremely pissed off, ready to blow up–figuratively speaking—on anyone who so much as breathed the wrong way in his presence.

Those were the days when he needed her most.

She was his anchor to reality. He could get so caught up in his own hatred; his bitter, bitter anger, that he would blind himself to everything else around him. Boiling black rage building up inside of him like hot tar. But her face.. that little face that could read him like a book. And became extremely frightened of him when he was in danger of losing himself.

And that made him remember that he couldn't act so irresponsibly with his feelings. Other more important people would be affected as well. Control yourself. And then he would calm down and tell her she had nothing to fear, that he was _"okay..really, I am_".

She would remain wary and retreat from him much like a rabbit who had escaped into its hole until it was certain that the hunter or other certain threat had disappeared.

But time and patience would make even the jumpiest of bunnies emerge from their hideaway when they were sure that no harm would come to them.

Just a little coaxing and urging. _'That's it .. don't be afraid baby girl.. it's alright.._shh, I know_.. I can be pretty scary, huh? … Yeah, I know. I know I'm a scary person... I can be like that... but you know, sometimes I can't help it...but you keep my anger in check 'cause I don't want to hurt something so sweet...no, I mean you, you silly thing... can I have a hug?..Please?...Come on..that's it...That's a good girl...'_

Deidara didn't force her to do anything she didn't want to do except, say, eat or nap. Sometimes she didn't want to be fed, and he had to sit her down and spoon-feed her some yogurt or hand her some crackers to take her own sweet time with, telling her how _happy_ he'd be if she'd eat just a little bit, at least.

That tactic usually put a little food in her stomach.

And when she couldn't sleep...That was in a way the most difficult task.

At times no amount of humming or soft words or reassurances or gentle strokes of her face and hair would calm her down. It irritated Deidara because he couldn't possibly sleep himself when he knew she was probably just sitting up in his bed, staring at his conscious-attempting-to-become-unconscious-form.

* * *

"Come on... just lay your heady down and close your eyes and sleep..! Please?"

He was becoming unhinged. Exasperated. Irritated. Impatient. Whatever you want to call it, he was definitely feeling it.

The little girl said nothing, only stared up at him from under the covers. Her eyes were slouched, reminiscent of tiredness, but she always looked like that.

And Deidara was quickly becoming severely fatigued himself with each passing minute from the silent protests of the toddler. Long missions, he needed to get to sleep! But he couldn't have this little baby hawk watching him while he did so!

"Right, either you go to sleep or you ...you...argh.. please close your eyes and sleep, kay? I need to wake up early tomorrow morning, yeah..."

Miko could tell how angry he was getting and she immediately felt guilty. He was always so patient with her; if she was him, she would've already beaten her senseless by now. Because she was always in the way and making him reach the point of no return.

She snuggled farther in her comfy layout, looking up at him with those innocent eyes of hers. Attempting to show him just how helpless she really was. "Naah."

"Don't give me that cuteness. Just don't." He leaned in so they were nose-to-nose. "Go...To...Sleep!"

"..."

"Hm.." He was on the the bed now, looming over her, creating a huge shadow that blocked out the light of the lamp from the bedside table lamp sitting next to them.

The little thing reached up and her fingers brushed against his chest, light as a feather. Always shirtless at bedtime he was. Miko liked it. Because it was a chance to feel how warm he was. His skin could heat her up in no time.

He smirked and leaned in real close. His hair a waterfall of blended yellow and gold on either side of her face. His breath heating her face. Miko suddenly felt very self-conscious. A little.. embarrassed.. No..coy..A flirtatious kind of coy; like a handsome gentleman stares at a young lady and she can't help but turn away with a blush on her face...Yes..Exactly what she was feeling.

"You like it...don't you? My body..." A hand placed itself over one of hers while the other retained his balance on the bed. "If you want it..." as he spoke, he gently and slowly took her hand—which was paused at the ribs just below his pectorals—and laid it on her chest "...then you'll need to go to sleep, un."

Miko understood. She rolled over onto her side, her back to the light, and curled up into the fetal position. Eyes closed.

Finally.

Deidara smiled tiredly and reached over to turn off the light. A click and the light bulb went out, shrouding them both in darkness. He could make out some lighter-dark shapes: the girl, his pillow, the curtains. All this from the natural light of the moon outside his room's window.

"Yeah..." The ninja laid himself on his back, placing his head against the pillow. It was heavenly soft, a perfect cushion for his weary head. One arm at his side, and the other limb slipped down to rest just above his navel.

"Perfect, un." he breathed. Some rustling, and the little baby was scooching herself as close as she could to his torso. He lifted his arm and brought it around her, bracing her back with his hand under her padded bum. Pincheda bit of the soft pajama fabric between his thumb and forefinger and began half-mindedly rubbing.

The tip of her nose was as cold as ice. Deidara could feel it like the corner of an ice cube against one of his ribs. It chilled him, but he became used to it soon enough.

Nothing to do but keep breathing. Simply breathe and stare at the dark ceiling and wait for sleep to close his ever-vigilant eyes for him.

Just... keep breathing.

And he felt her small hand slide across his stomach. It was clammy; a little sweaty, but still a little frosty against the average skin.

It was a little uncomfortable, not painful, but an undesirable feeling to put up with for a length of time. But the child stopped when her hand found his and rested itself there.

Shift and rustle, a large exhale from the girl's lips as Deidara made himself comfortable, altering his sleeping position to fit hers.

He could feel her on her side, scrunched up with her knees nearly touching her chin. The classic baby position. Him also on his side, his arm resting on a pillow above her head, snaking around her to hold her waist with the hand of the other limb enclosed over hers.

Peaceful. Tender. Caring.

"PTC." he thought. He wanted to laugh at his own little joke, but couldn't risk making a ruckus to wake the kid.

"Sweet dreams, baby."

* * *

**Mhm .. (folds arms and nods proudly) **

**There we go! Chapter 6 up and ru-hu-hun-ning! How you like that? Now quit bugging me!**

**School has started and I want to get a firm .. foundation.. like grades in and a schedule and a.. system down before I begin write anymore. You don't want this author to be a flunkie, now do you? **

**Now you have any comments on this chapter? I'd love to hear you.. **

**And yeah, Deidara got a little cocky with his bod.. I just think he would be proud of it if he was as fit as a 19 year old ninja like him would be.. Cuz that's just how he rolls xD**

**This was less than 15 pages.. Either 12-15 pages. Had to write a lot to make up for the long wait. But even I can't write more than this in one chapter. It's just not me. People on here who can write and write and write and... (goes on) ...(takes a breath) and write until it's 32 pages for one chapter is just x_X I get bored when I have to read that much ONLINE, you know? If it's in book form, I'll tackle it like a Normal type Pokemon, but I can't handle it when it's on computer... I don't think those Kindle/Ebook shits or whatever would change that..**

**Sorry for the rant above.. Enjoy! And If you have any comments about the story, or you wanna just say how awesome this story or a certain chapter is (crosses fingers) then by all means, do so!**


	7. Misunderstanding

**This one will not be long at all... Like 1/5 of what I usually write... but I decided I might as well publish it. Forgive me if it seems.. weak or watery .. or just shitty...**

**My writing skills have gotten a little lax since I've been drawing more recently.**

**I'm either a shitty artist and an awesome author, or vice versa.. My talents have to be channeled all into one place, not in writing AND drawing..**

**It's sad but true..**

**Anyways, enjoy this...**

* * *

"And so Scruffy the Puppy and Mittens the Kitten learned how to get along with each other despite their differences. They played together in the meadow every day and soon became the best of friends. The End."

Deidara sighed with satisfaction as he proceeded to close the small book.

He was sitting on the bed, back resting against the headboard. The kid was positioned between his crossed legs, the perfect spot for her to lie against his torso and enjoy the story.

"Yeah..." The blond set the book to his side and stroked the little girl's hair.

Miko nestled even closer against him, relishing these moments. Together with him, peaceful and safe. Calming with no fear or anxiety or feelings of haste. Just a lull in time.

It was nice for Deidara to relax with the kid. Just some quality time with her, enjoying having a little squirt like her to keep him company when on standby for a mission or simply R&R. The five-tails jinchuuriki had been sealed and it was time for all members to have some down time since nearly all their chakra had been drained powering the Hell Statue.

But enough about work. Just focus on the time to spend with his little kitten.

He hooked his free arm around and pulled the kid closer so her face was practically smushed in his chest.

"Did you like the story?"

"Mnaah..."

"Hehehe, I'll take that as a yes."

She was his pet. His little shy kitten, his attentive puppy. Doleful at first, but willing to touch him and relinquish control to him with less and less apprehension.

He would be sitting at his desk and she would emerge from her personal corner; numbly shuffling to him, but it would slowly turn into meaningful steps.

She would be there, standing at his right side. Watching him. Deidara knew that she always became lonely after a few hours of solitude and silence, but was too afraid to ask for his company right out. A child needed some reassurance and a pat on the head once in awhile, and now that the opportunities were given to her, how could she not take advantage.. at least once?

And she would sit herself down and grip the legs of his chair in her tiny hands. Rest her temple against his thigh and just... be. Every once in awhile Deidara would reach down and stroke her head to let her know that he was acknowledging her and didn't think she was being a nuisance.

This was her idea of "bonding".

How much time with him was too much? How many requests for food was too many? How many "mnaah"s was considered too talkative?

Miko always toed a thin red line. In her mind, at least.

The rule of survival: Don't make men angry.

She had not made him angry directly yet... but she was always on her toes. Anything could happen. Anything at all.

"It's okay if you want me to read you a story or snuggle with me, kid... I don't mind. I kind of like it actually, yeah."

Yes, he said that but... But...there was a limit. There's always a limit.

* * *

"Open up, say aaah!..."

"Aaaah...?"

"Good girl, yeah..."

Meal time as always... Spoon feeding soft food stuffs into her cute little mouth.

The kid didn't need much to keep her satisfied. Only a small snack every eight hours or so. That worried Deidara, but not as much as her eating habits the first week in his room. He counted up all the times she had eaten and discovered it was an alarmingly low four meals for those seven days. He hadn't starved her, she simply chose not to eat when he had offered her food.

But now he was firm, putting his foot down –but with a gentle edge—when she refused.

"There we go! Food in your tummy! Now it's time for me to get some food in _my_ tummy, yeah." Miko laid her head to the blankets and curled up; she watched Deidara as he began to dig into the rice balls nestled within his crossed legs.

The man chuckled, mouth half full with his own meal. "You trying to seduce me with your cuteness, baby girl?"

No reply. Just doleful, piteous eyes that glance away quickly to his rice balls. He knew she wasn't hungry anymore, it was just an excuse to distract herself from him. He didn't mind.

After finishing off one, Deidara began another. Chewing and staring at the kid with a crooked grin on his face.

The three-year-old felt her face heat up. She could feel his eyes on him. She was becoming nervous for some reason. Afraid, apprehensive..as if something bad would happen. Why? There was nothing...that would happen..it was just her mind playing tricks on her. He was eating. That was all. It was just because he was flirting like that. It made her uncomfortable. But it was something he couldn't help. He couldn't understand how unhinged she became when he made sly comments or moved his eyes up and down to take a good look at her in a dress or touched her in a way that was gentle yet sneaky...

_He was...he was.._

Was his true nature showing?

She buried her nose into the comforter, rubbing all around. Friction made her cheeks hot and scratchy, but she didn't mind. Not at all. More important things to worry about. Much more important things.

"Hn.." Deidara finished up quickly, flicked a few crumbs off his person and heaved himself off the bed.

"I gotta go, baby girl. I'll be back in a little while." Miko didn't even look up to watch him go.

She jolted when his hand rested itself on her back.

"Easy now.." she heard him murmur, "don't be so edgy..okay? It's like you forget everytime...I won't hurt you, yeah."

_Won't hurt me, won't hurt me, won't hurt me..._

A quick rub and then the warm caress was gone. Miko didn't come up for air until the rustling of clothes had subsided and the door had been swung open and closed with a click.

She was alone again.

She pressed her hands to her cheeks. Hot and heavy..Can barely breathe..his smile..Him... He...no..no...

Is this all a lie?

_No...no lies... no lie...no..nah...nnh..._

And something broke. Nothing major, but the fine thread that held today.

That afternoon was spent with silent tears.

And Deidara never even knew what thoughts had occurred within the child moments after he had departed..Blissfully unaware of the mental anguish that his newest roommate had experienced for nearly sixhours all alone.

But he did notice one thing.

He had returned in the middle of the night, and climbed into bed like always with the kid beside him. But woke up the next morning, she was curled up on the other side of the bed, as far away from his reach as physically possible.

* * *

**Well there you go...**

**How about this...**

**Every chapter I expect AT LEAST 5 reviews.. even if it's shitty... This chapter was shitty I know.. I'm losing my touch i know.. It seems repetitive , I know...**

**But Miko is frightened, she's confused and conflicted... and abused children are always on the alert.. so don't hate me D:**

**So please review...**

**~ 3**


	8. Uncertainty

**Pretty quick update, don't you think? **

**This is just something I thought up.. Not sure how long till the next one, but I doubt it'll be as soon as this update was...**

**Reading some more child abuse fiction books to get some research in, yeah? **Such a Pretty Girl** and **Black-Eyed Suzie**. Both by **Susan Shaw**. Short and not really satisfying (WHERE'S THE EXTREME SUFFERING?) but it still is a model and an example to take feelings from..**

**And PLEASE stop saying "can't wait for the next update!" or "please update!".. um, yeah. How about you actually give me some FEEDBACK. Hm? You want me to write more? Update more? Don't just say "please update!"**

**That's like you in real life reading it on paper, walking and reading it at the same time, throwing it back to me and saying "yeah cool. keep writing" without skipping a beat or slowing down and continuing to wherever the FUCK you're running off to.**

**A little angry above but yeah... I'm not asking you to do an analytical dissection of each chapter, but say SOMETHING like.. "I love it! " or "i loved how this character.." or "oh no! this character" or even "OMG DEIDARA IS SO FUCKING SMEXY XD IF HE TREATS MIKO LIKE THIS THEN I WANT HIM TO HAVE MY BABIES!"**

Seriously ._. I would take that if it was done in all seriousness 3

**So yeah... lift up the curtains, here's a short 967 worded chapter of Mommy, Send Me an Angel (not including the bold)**

* * *

What Miko hated the most was uncertainty.

To be exact, the not-knowing-what-will-happen-uncertainty.

The kind where you don't know when someone will come back. When they will smile at you again. When they will give you another hug. When they will order you to strip naked and force you to suck their-

"Kid?"

Miko shook her head. His voice had once again woken her up from her morbid thoughts.

And now his face was inches from her own. Silently begging for her to make eye contact with him. Literally "eye" contact. He had only one eye to gaze upon her. The other was hidden behind his golden hair.

"You're a daydreamy baby, aren't you, un?" No reply. But there wasn't a need for her to speak. Just acknowledgment. Deidara despised stony-faced people who didn't react to words, people who thought they were so _cool_ and above all the others by not answering another person when they made a comment or asked a question...

But she was an exception; pain had dulled her senses to the point of near-constant numbness. He understood that. He understood it very well. But still...Sometimes it was just frustrating. The Akatsuki member wanted a sign, anything at all that she was actually here on Earth and not floating like a space cadet in her own twisted-up head.

Deidara gathered her up into his arms. Like the baby she was. Soft, fluffy dress that felt so right for her to be dressed in. Frilly socks for her cute little feets. He had the sudden urge to tickle em, but restrained himself. Not the wisest thing to do unto a child with her history.

And Miko was being rocked by him. Slowly, methodically. Expected. Known. Foreseen. Over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over...

..And over and over and over and over again.

Her head had stopped buzzing with pesky worries. Her clenched fists were loosening... She shifted in his arms, grabbed ahold of his black cloak, buried her face into the cloth. Don't need to see, just need to feel, to hear, to enjoy.

Babies just want to be held. Babies just want to be talked to and paid attention to. Even Deidara knew that, and he was—admittingly—barely an adult himself. He was, as far as he knew, the youngest in the Akatsuki..Danna was probably fifty years old for all he could guess...and who knew how old Kakuzu was? Probably near a hundred, since he mentioned meeting the first Hokage, whose life was lived nearly a century prior to the artist.

But it didn't matter. Nothing mattered at the moment, except to instill bonds between him and the girl.

"This must be the most effeminate thing I will ever do." he thought, looking down on the girl in his arms. And he smiled to himself, because you never knew. There may come a time when he'll have to lie low and don an apron and oven mitts and bake muffins for children as a disguise for himself. Pick flowers and sell it to kind old ladies sitting on their front porch as they smoke their pipes. Help wallpaper a baby girl's room bright pink since his wife is already 6 months pregnant...

Baby girl...bright pink..

Fantasies...Doesn't do much good to worry about future. What about this present?

"Hardened criminal" that he was, Deidara was not afraid to call a girl "cute". Especially if she was. Especially if she was...a little baby like the one in his arms as we speak.

He stood up. Felt a strong grip tugging his cloak down. His collar being pulled southward.

"Shh shh it's okay, yeah. I'm not gonna put you down..." Miko wasn't worried about that..she had grasped his cloak because she was worried he would throw her onto the floor..Okay, maybe that was technically "fear he may put her down", but stranger things have happened..!

But he loosened her grip, because her nails, long and oddly enough squared off at the tips, were sinking into his breast like talons and he afraid with enough pressure there'd be five little incisions above his right nipple where her hand was.

Deidara moved her head to his shoulder.. Much easier to carry a kid her size like this. And safer too..Didn't want his arms to tire and then suddenly give out mid-swing.

Sway, sway, sway... That's all he did; just rock her. That's all.

If Deidara would've taken the child's pulse five minutes before, he would've discovered it was alarmingly high for someone as young and small as her. Now it was dropping gradually to an above-average beat. If the man would just keep up this natural rhythm for just a bit longer, hell, the little girl may actually have a chance to function normally for a few minutes without her heart in her throat for once.

Breathing for Miko was hard to pin down..she could barely breathe well herself. Just sips of air, and then none at all during pressing moments that required all of her untrained body to focus on the threat at hand.

Rock, rock , rock...rock-a-bye baby...

And so it continued for twenty minutes. Man swaying with child in tow..silence, nothing but breathing...and loud thinking in each others heads. Their own worries, their own-stream-of-consciousness floating around.

And when Deidara felt that he had devoted more than enough time to cradling her—twenty minutes, remember—he laid her down on the bed, changed her diaper, and sat himself at his desk.

And Miko herself, knowing that their quality time was up, plopped herself into a corner and began to push against the walls with her small feet that upheld his room. A mindless, childish activity, but it was something normal, and Deidara didn't have to entertain her anymore. She was busy.

* * *

**Pointless filler and character development, I guess. An excuse, but hey, I'm the one writing and thinking! And WKCEs are coming up.. My state's big test... And I need to get ready -_-**

**So yeah.. REVIEW! LET'S GET TO 100 REVIEWS! PLEASE :o That'd make my tummy troubles go away! Cure what Pepto Bismol CAN NOT! I'M USING A LOT OF CAPS AREN'T I!**


	9. Name

**Chapter 9 for youuuuu!**

**WKCE's are done.. and good.. I feel a calm and yet a sense of restlessness about me.. I want to do stuff! I want to get all this energy out.. dance and laugh and talk everyone's ears off... I JUST FEEL LIKE I'M ABOUT TO EXPLODE! (bursts into a cloud of flesh-colored confetti and walks through the door)**

"It's the best day eh-veeeeeeer!"

**Anyways!**

I've also begun watching Black Butler (or Kuroshitsuji for you weirdos out there) and I am IN LOVE with Drocell Kainz! IN LOVE! And I'm angry because he didn't get enough screen time! And he was an anime only character, so they're usually killed off or depart because they shouldn't be in the story anyways..

**Since I'm an obsessive person by nature, I've imprinted my fan girliness on the worst possible choice of a character: One that :**

1) has limited fan art  
2) limited screen time  
3) no chance of resurrection or redemption in the manga or anime  
4) limited fanfiction on here

**So I've written a chapter of my own fanfiction..and I hope it will help me cope with the sudden Drocell withdrawel. I HOPE ..**

**Anyways (again) This is **Mommy, Send Me an Angel **chapter NINE.. ENJOY! (BOWS)**

* * *

"Hey..kid."

Miko looked up from her drawing of a circle.

"C'mere." Deidara waved his hand towards the desk where he sat.

She delicately rested the crayon on the paper and moved to her feet, drifting towards him without a doubt or a fear.

He picked her up, set her on the desk with her feet hanging over the edge, like a bench. This was new. Her heart started pounding faster.

"Don't be scared, yeah." He could see confusion in her eyes. Perfectly good. It was alright for her to be scared.

"I want to get this over with," he muttered, mostly to himself, "I've been putting this off for too long, un."

He looked her in the eye. And Miko was frozen. It was confident and soul-searching her. She knew she had to stay still and answer his next question to the best of her abilities. Because this...was serious.

Deidara inhaled a little, let it out. Not a hard question to ask, in truth, but...

But it may be very difficult for her to answer.

"Okay, here goes..What...hn...what is..your name?"

Miko froze. What? My name? My name...what...

"You don't have to answer right away un." he said softly. Staring at her with that large visible blue eye.

My name..

She had been given many names, by the many different people she was visited by. But the most commonly given were:

Slut...Whore..Twat...

Kid..Baby Girl..

Which one.. was the correct one?

He could see her gears start and stop, her eyes darting and twitching. Hands clenching and unclenching themselves at the hem of her dress. She was confused. That's the reaction he had hoped she wouldn't have. But it was perhaps inevitable in order to find an answer.

She was struggling. Deidara was causing her such mental anguish over this one little thing. It made him feel guilty, that this had been a pointless little endeavor. That he could've—should've—left this matter alone. And how important was knowing her name, really? Was it that urgent for him to know? If he had really wanted to know her name, he would've asked the first night they had spent together in this room. Now he was dragging the kid through the mud to satisfy his own curiosity.

Dumbass.

Miko was struck dumb. Still struck dumb by his question...what was the answer? What was it? The correct one? The one he would be satisfied with? What was it...!

Minute passed.

Two minutes passed..

Three..

And the kid was still frozen. The ninja could clearly see the gears in her head, however rusty, had slowed to a screeching halt. Her mind was drawing a blank.

And then he thought of something cruel. Something insane. How dare he think this. How dare he even ponder to speak these words. To mention this topic to her.

But Deidara licked his lips and spoke in a whisper:

"What did Mama call you, un..."

Her eyes went wide, and she snapped to attention, stared at him with a look of confusion. Mama?

Mama...

"_Sweet baby, sweetie baby..my little Miko baby... Miko Miko Miko..." And as the baby was held to the woman's large breast, intent on suckling for what seemed like an eternity since, a thought was formed in the babe's head. One she would hold onto forever._

_Mama..._

An idea formed inside the kid's head. A thought had just formed, he could see. All she needed was to put it into coherent words.

"Mmmm..."

He waited. She was struggling, almost shaking on the desk... clenching her fists tight over tiny white knuckles as she bunched the hem of her dress. Using every fiber of her being to get this word out..what word exactly?

And he could only sit there helplessly as the internal struggle within her raged. He couldn't ask her if she was alright. That would surely break her concentration. This was something she could only do alone..

"Mmmiiih..Miiih...Miiii...!"

But Deidara couldn't stand to see the thing torture herself like that. He had to help. Had to assist her in her search for her name.

"Mih-Mih? Mimi? Your name is Mimi, yeah?" She shook her head, continuing on with her struggle .

"Miih...Mih-Mih.." Her breath came in ragged gasps as if she had run a mile, and in her current state, that would've put a lot of strain on her body. He had to hurry, had to guess before her brain exploded within her skull.

"Mih..Mih..um.. Miki? Miwa? Midori? Miyuki, un?" No. No. No. No. All noes.. Damned, this is hard, guessing the name of the child with one syllable as a hint!

"..ko...mmmmiiih...ko..."

"Miiih...ko.. Mih-ko.. Miko...Miko!..Your name is Miko, un?" Again, snapped to attention. She stared him straight in the eye. Bravely, in her case. Fearless and serious. Gravely she nodded.

Miko.. Miko..

Her name...was Miko..

"Miko, huh? Miko...yeah..Miko.." He passed the name through his lips. Could almost taste it. Miko.. a pure shrine maiden. A virgin devoted to Kami. A priestess.. a little girl.

And everytime he spoke her name, she stiffened, relaxed, stiffened again. Like a dog being called its name. It can't help perking an ear up every time the master refers to its title, even if he's not asking for him to act upon the call.

He took her hands, held them, squeezed them gently. Then her soft face. Tilted his forehead to hers. Looked her right in the eye.

"Miko..that's a nice name, yeah.." He gave her a grin, and Miko felt her stomach lurch...That smile.

And now she was in his arms, cradled more gently than he had ever done before now. He sat there, baby—no—Miko in tow. This was Miko now, not some kid. Miko... _Miko_.

Miko looked up, confused. Why the sudden tenderness? Because he knew her name now? Why did that make a difference?

He heaved himself out of his chair. Miko..Miko..Miko..

Laid her down on the bed. Miko..Miko..Miko..

Loomed over her. Baby Miko..

"Do me a favor and take a nap, okay? I'll give you a treat when you wake up..."

A treat? A treat for her?

She was suspicious at first, but once he began stroking her hair and whispering sweet things into her ear, Miko began to calm down.

He knew her name... Deidara knew her name.. Deidara knew Miko's name.

And Miko was okay with that. We'll see how this turns out. This new-found information he has acquired..

As she drifted off to sleep, she wondered if this would change anything. Him knowing her name. And also...what will my treat be?

The treat turned out to be a furry brown creature stuffed with cotton. A "teddy bear" he called it.. Soft brown hair with two shiny black beads for eyes and a stitched-on smile for a mouth. Where had he gotten this?

"Here you go,_ Miko_...a teddy bear, yeah."He called her by her name now. Always with a certain softness never used before. A certain.. affectionate tone.

Deidara knew her name. He _knew_ her name. He knew _her_ name. He knew her _name_.

Miko...little priestess..little shrine maiden...little angel.

He found himself cooing out her name to himself, half-surprised when her head perked up and looked to him as if to answer, "yes?". He loved saying it. Miko..Running past his tongue. Miko. Mee-koh... The word itself reminded him of her cooing lips, soft and sweet and pink.

Just wanted to whisper sweet nothings into the kid's ear, get her blush going, snuggle with her, make her feel just embarrassed to be called "cute". Nothing to be ashamed of at all, still.. she looked so adorable when she—Miko—got all flustered and coy.

Miko.

"Miko baby, come here, yeah. I have a new story for you.."

And as she snuggled in the crook of his arm, fluffy frills of white lace ghosting her cocked knees and elbows, Deidara read aloud to her the tale of the Tortoise and the Hare.

When he had finished, he discussed the story with her...More as a tool for communicating and establishing a bond than anything else..children needed to be talked to; it was how they learned new words and phrases. The nin hoped—prayed, actually—that if he worked at it, if he was patient and continued daily conversations with her, maybe...just maybe...she would learn to speak. Miko was already so far behind...so far behind...the child held the vocabulary of a 1-year-old infant. Granted, she wasn't too far off from that age..He surmised she couldn't be younger than say three or four years old.. But that was beside the point entirely...

_Silly Hare...he was so cocky, wasn't he? And the Tortoise..he never stopped running. He kept going even when it looked like he wasn't going to win..! That's determination, isn't it, un...?_

And while he chatted with—well, more _at_ than _with—_her, Miko felt her heartbeat slow down. It was pumping less rapidly nowadays, which confused her. Was it soon going to stop altogether at this rate? It was a pressing worry, but one of those worries that nagged at the back of her head; nothing that needed to be addressed right away.

Nothing to worry about. That was what Deidara wanted to instill in the child's head.

Everything will be taken care of.

There is no need to be afraid.

I will protect you.

I will feed you, clothe you, change you, hug you, smile at you, and be there when you're too scared to cry for help.

I will ease your pain.

Because...

I'm your guardian now..your protector...your...angel. An angel for a tiny maiden.

And I shall be your angel until...

Until forever is over.

* * *

**God I didn't think I'd have to pull that shitty card.. But I'm terrible at ending stuff and it's always.. crap. at the very end.. cuz I can't end chapters well!**

**_Review! I crave your reviews! Maybe it'll take my mind off sexy Drocell! (Save this fanfic author from self-destruction.. PLEASE!)_ **


	10. Another Face

**Sorry for the delay, but Merry Christmas and whatnot.**

**I've been busy with school and whatnot. Watching Highschool of the Dead, Durarara!, reading manga.. And trying REALLY HARD. TO . GET RID OF. CRAP. ON MY . COMPUTER! (punches stupid machine)**

**Why are you so junky?**

**And I accidentally deleted ALL of my favorited pages! All the manga pages that I stopped on, all the articles from , all the anime girls and guys, all the webpages on child abuse and all the cool wikipedia pages and topics.. all the cute pics of bento lunches in the shape of pokeballs and pokemonz!**

**ALL GONE D:**

**But anyways... enough of that.**

**Here is Chapter 10 of Mommy, Send Me an Angel.. Enjoy... :I**

* * *

"A clean Miko is a happy Miko, yeah! Alright, outta the tub!"

After enveloping the scrawny little girl in a thick, fluffy towel, the blond pony-tailed ninja scooped her into his arms and flicked the bathroom lights off with a pruny finger.

He set her on the bed, and while he searched for her footie pajamas, Miko crawled to her new stuffed animal friend, The Bear, which lay on a pillow taking a nap.

"Hey kid.. I can see your bum, yeah.."

Miko whipped around to see him staring at her with an amused look on his face and a smirk to match. Indeed, she was technically naked. The towel had slipped off while she was meandering to The Bear. Quickly, she wrapped the slipped-off towel around her person, turning a very deep shade of red as she held The Bear against her damp chest.

"Hehe..too funny..Let the bear go, or he'll get wet, and I don't think I need two babies to dry, un...!"

The Bear was not a baby. The Bear was The Bear. But Miko only thought this in her head.

Reluctantly, she set the bear down so it sat next to her on the edge of the bed. Deidara smiled.

"Like two peas in a pod...Now let's put your diaper and jammies on..."

* * *

"Baby girl...?"

Miko raised her head from his chest. This whole time she had been breathing in his musky scent. She loved his smell.. It made her head so heavy and calm...She wondered if his skin tasted as good as it smelled—

He laid a gentle hand upon her damp, clean head. "Listen to me, please..I need you to focus for me, okay? This is very important..."

She sat up and nodded, ready to try her best for him. She'll listen as hard as she possibly could for him. Make him as proud as she could. Never for one minute regret whisking her away from that hell hole.

Deidara sighed. Not going to be hard to explain it, but things were going to change around here. At least for awhile. How smoothly the transitions would turn out all depended on her coping skills.

He brushed some hair behind her ear. Miko leaned into the palm of his warm hand.

"I'm going away for awhile, un...And of course I can't take you, because you could get hurt and it's the rules..."

This was not news to Miko; he always went away and left her. But he gave her a hug, a pat on the head, a diaper change, something to snack on, and a promise to return. So far he had never broken that routine, or that promise.

Seeing she understood –incorrectly-, he clarified himself. "No...it's longer..much longer than before...Almost a week...and...you probably don't know how long a week is.. But it's much longer than before now...I won't be here to give you more food or change you or pop in to see how you're doing or be back in time for bed..."

Why must you leave, then? Who will take care of me?

"But don't worry...I've asked a favor of someone who will make sure to check on you every once in awhile when I'm gone, un. I think you'll like her, yeah."

What...? Someone else to take care of me? No... No, no one else must know. Only you... Please don't go...

She buried her head into his shoulder and began to cry bitter tears. Miko had never been clingy per se, she had always made sure to give him his space and to never get in the way of his plans; but this time, she would not let him leave. He was going to stay here, in this spot, and they were going to read stories and talk and hug and smile and sleep and and and and-

"Miko calm down.. Miko.. breathe.. Miko, breathe! It's alright, baby, it's gonna be alright... I'll be back, I promise.. I promise... I promise... shh shh shh..."

He held the hysterical child close, preventing her from thrashing and whipping herself up into a bigger frenzy of confusion. Practically smothering her in his chest, wincing at the muffled moans that reached his ears.

"I'm sorry.. just.. calm down okay?"

The panicked child eventually calmed down; after awhile lifted her head up to look into his face with red-rimmed eyes and a drippy nose.

"I'm sorry baby...I'm sorry.." he stroked her hair...But she was already convinced that there was no changing the plans. He would have to leave and she would not see him for quite some time.

"Why don't we lie down for awhile, hm? Let's take a little nap and calm down some more, okay? Come on now, lay your heady down..that's it...good girl, un..."

As Deidara turned off the lamp (it was on even though it was early evening. For her sake.), Miko reluctantly rested her forehead against a pillow and took deep breaths to calm herself down even further... just as he had requested. Even when upset, she would try her best to follow his orders. Because if she didn't, then it would be ungrateful. Terribly ungrateful. For everything he has done for her and put up with.

He rubbed her back. Soft and gentle. Rested himself on his elbow as he loomed over his little charge. There you go. Please don't be upset. I don't want you to be sad. I know it's hard but.. we just can't help these things, can we? No we can't. It doesn't seem fair, but... Unfairness is a part of life. But I bet you understand that more than I do..Yeah...

And he lay with his little baby, curled up next to him as she slipped herself in a -hopefully- comfortable sleep. His arm wrapped around her, a small blanket draped over both their shoulders that didn't even reach his feet, let alone his knees..yet managed to secure her perfectly in its warmth...Lull..lull...lullaby-worthy.. Sleep and slumber.. Happy number..Lumber through pleasant thoughts...

She was so soft, so squishy... babies were squishy and she was squishy so she was a baby. Soft skin, sweet plump cheeks (above and below), and faraway hazel eyes.

If only...

* * *

Miko watched solemnly as her master readied himself for his mission.

"Let's see..clay pack, check... Hat, check... scope.. " click click. "in working order.. and all that's left is..." He turned to her.

A kiss on her head. A fleeting one, just a brush of the lips, a formality.

"I'll be back, Miko, I promise, yeah." He cupped her cheek in one large hand. One warm, gentle hand. She wouldn't cry. Wouldn't dare. It would be more burdensome for him.

Miko gripped his hand, holding it to her face. Remember this. Remember. Come back and remember me...

"Shh...it's okay, baby...Sweetie baby...shhh..."

"Mnnn..." The tears were falling. She told herself she wouldn't cry!

"Miko, stop hitting yourself! Miko!..Stop it right now, un!"

Her hands hurt. He was gripping them so hard that Miko thought they would be crushed by the sheer pressure.

_Let go, it hurts. I'm sorry..it hurts! _

"Nhaa! Nhaaa...!" Deidara immediately released her.

"I'm sorry... I'm really sorry..." Miko nodded, but did not understand for the child's head was blocking out noise and was focusing on the pain he had administered to her.

She kissed her hands, held each one in the other red hand for a time, trying very hard not to burst into tears again. Not twice in the same day, with him not even out of the room yet!

"Miko, I—"

A knock on the door interrupted the sentence Deidara was attempting to form. He didn't even have anything concrete to offer past those two words. So, this distraction was a mixed blessing.

He sighed, gave the kid a sympathetic look before slowly making his way to the door.

"I'm coming, I'm coming. In a second, un."

Miko looked up. Who could be outside the room? What exactly was outside this room? Were there others living here? Others who were as nice as Deidara? As nice as Mommy? Mean as Daddy? Meaner?

The door opened halfway, but she couldn't see who was on the other side; Deidara's form blocked the mysterious person from view.

"Konan, yeah. I was just about to leave."

"I thought so." Whose voice was that? It was so light and soft... She wanted to see this person. Very badly.

"So that we're all clear: You're doing this as a favor for me?"

"That is correct."

"Thank you so much, I owe you one. I don't know what, but I'll make it up to you, un."

"Just promise me that you will stay loyal to this organization's cause. We need the great manpower that you supply for us, Deidara."

"Aah, don't try to butter me up...hehe...Yeah, whatever you say. I ain't going anywhere, yeah."

"Where is the child you want me to look after while you are away?"

"She's right there..."

Miko suddenly realized in her staring daze that there were two sets of eyes on her. She focused and saw that Deidara and a stranger were the culprits.

He was already done up in his attire, his mouth hidden, his eyes nearly the same by his large hat. An arm leaned against he door frame, but she could see the lower body and the eyes of the alien about to set foot in their domain.

Black cloak with clouds, like his... Do all people outside Daddy's home wear this? Blue hair, clean like her own, but short, unlike her own. Beautiful face.

"Come in and meet her, you might as well now, un.."

"Very well.."

And as she crossed into the threshold, Miko realized that this stranger was real. This was real. A new person. She was meeting a new person. A new person that was going to take care of her while Deidara was gone.

"Hm..." Standing right before her was her future caretaker.

Her eyes were studying Miko. Sharp, golden brown eyes. She felt so small and worthless. Did the lady like what she see? Did she hate her already? She didn't know what to do..

She didn't even notice that Deidara had casually sidled up and knelt next to her on the floor until his breath was tickling her little ear.

"Miko.." he murmured, "this is Konan." Then he said, a little louder so the woman could hear, "Konan, this is Miko, yeah."

The woman named Konan nodded once. Her face was blank. What was she feeling? Miko couldn't tell, and that scared her very much. Like? Dislike? Happy? Sad? Angry?

She felt his lips press against her temple. Two kisses in one day. A new record, perhaps. Miko really didn't know, she didn't keep track of those kinds of things.

And still she stared while this was happening, eyes never wavering from her face, only flicking for a fraction of a second to Deidara before refocusing on the child.

"Well, I must be off... But before I do, there's some things you need to know about her...She's kinda got special needs, un."

"'Special needs'? Do tell.."

"Well first off...—"

And Miko zoned out after that. She was still studying the woman. The Konan woman. What would she be like? She doubted she would act like Deidara. She gave nothing away to her personality, and that frightened her. The unknown. What will be in the days they will have to spend together. Or will she not honor the request and simply leave her all alone in this room, waiting silently for Deidara's return?

Deidara finished his rundown on Miko's likes and dislikes (there were plenty of the latter), preferences on food (soft things that required little to no chewing), and diapers (two to three times a day). He strode over to the door, and just as his wrist was about to twist the door knob, Konan spoke up.

"Deidara... I won't say a thing to Leader about this..arrangement...but don't let any attachment or particular fondness of this child interfere with the results of your missions and your overall competence."

Deidara's eyes darkened beneath the shade of his hat, but then he smiled to himself. An almost sad smile. A knowing smile.

"I know that." he said, loud enough for the only female Akatsuki member to hear, but soft enough that the words were meant for her ears only. "...She's a nice distraction to have. She's a stray I picked up, a little plaything that takes the edge off when the adrenaline begins making my head feel too dizzy. She will not get in the way with the tasks I've been given. Make no mistake."

"And besides-" he turned to look behind her shoulder at the "pet" he had in his possession. Konan turned as well. Miko was holding her teddy bear now, anxiously squeezing it while looking at her socked feet that were kicking lightly against the edge of the bed. She looked adorable and unassuming when she did that. A shy baby was a cute baby.

"-she makes me feel human, you know, un?"

"I do..actually."

"Goodbye Miko...I'll be back.."

He was already almost closing the door on her. She snapped to attention. Less than a second to say goodbye back.

"Nahaaa!"

Stupid idiot. Your -possibly- last chance to say something intelligent and it backfired!

But he chuckled. "Yeah, you too.."

And then the only exit was sealed shut.

* * *

**I'm sorry, it's not very good! I apologize but I might as well post this up here and get rid of it and MOVE ON to another time and day of this story.**

**Yeah, I'm slipping with my writing skills, I also apologize for that. Instead of super great, it's levelling to "pretty good" ... Merf... I feel sad ..**

**I need to work on transitioning and details.. and don't agree because I don't need the truth rubbed in my face...**

**But read.. and review... I want to get this to 130 reviews for this chapter X.X **

**The 124 reviews (as this is being typed and submitted) is driving me crazy!**


	11. Without

**-Nonchalantly- Hello, dear readers -sarcasm**

**Forgive me, but I'm a little out of it... I have been for the past week or so... Severe changes in hormones a few days out of every month coupled with cold winter weather do not aid in my personal battle to keep my mental and emotional health in check. **

**Once again-in my depressed mood, or just not happy- I see how different I am from other people my age. ONCE AGAIN I see the failures and missteps I have taken throughout my entire life. ONCE AGAIN I see how almost futile it is to keep going. ONCE AGAIN I question my worth.**

And, ONCE AGAIN. I fear the worst. And it usually is reality.

**This story... It probably won't end well... First chapter: 15+ pages.. These recent chapters? Barely 3 or 4 pages... How lame is that? And I bet my writing style has become sloppier and vaguer with each sentence written. I feel inadequate.**

But of course, that is up to the fans reading this. If there are any... I just don't understand... How can the first chapter get like, over 1000 hits, and then the 2nd chapter get ... 800 hits? What did I do wrong to lose those 200-some potential readers? It bugs me, a nagging in the back of my head that somehow I turned people off. I thought Chapter 1 was PERFECT and all the rest after it were crap. I sincerely believe Chapter 1 is GOLDEN.. Don't agree? Well you suck.. -Again, bitter, bitter me talking here.

**So read this... I'll be waiting for your reviews... Blah blah blah.. (trudges to bed and hugs stuffed dugong) **

* * *

"Let's get a few things straight."

Miko looked up from her hands. The woman named Konan was sitting on a chair. His chair. At his desk. She was sitting on his chair. That was not her chair. It was his chair.

" I'm not very good at taking care of children, not being a mother myself. And I have things to do other than be your babysitter, but since Deidara asked this favor of me, I will do my best to fulfill his wishes." Konan stared at the girl, who didn't seem to hear her. Her mind was off somewhere else. Deidara had mentioned that she was a little...what was that phrase he used? 'A space cadet', whatever that meant.

She crossed her arms over her chest and sighed, continuing on: " I will be gone a good chunk of the time. But understand that I have the same duties, if not more than, Deidara has. That is the only reason. I am not merely shirking my obligation to take care of you because I don't like you. I don't even know you. Understand?"

A delayed jerk of the kid's head was her only reply to Konan's words.

"I guess you do understand. Good." Konan narrowed her eyes slightly. The girl was tugging at the teddy bear's arms one at a time with both hands. Clenching the paws in her little fists nervously.

"Has he fed you any breakfast?"

She lifted her head up and looked at her with wide eyes, as if startled by the question. The woman didn't know why. Surely she must be hungry.

She received a shake of the head as her answer.

So Deidara completely forgot about that small but crucial and necessary part of this child's daily routine. He didn't even bother to feed her before setting out. Typical of men to think of the big picture but not the small details.

"Oh well, I guess that is the first thing to do." She lifted herself out of the chair with a soft creak and turned towards the door.

"I'll be right back. You eat soft foods, right?" Didn't wait for an answer. It was a rhetorical question anyways. Muttered more to herself, in reality. "I'll get you some yogurt and milk, how does that sound?"

The girl hugged the bear to her cheek and nodded slowly, staring at her with wide, doe eyes. It was sad in a sense. Those eyes were meek without needing to be.

And Konan knew those eyes, because she herself was wearer of that expression, of that face, a long time ago. Before she had been saved.

When the door had closed, the hysteria that had been quietly building up within the child escaped in a long, drawn-out moan.

I want _him_...

"Are you telling me you can't feed yourself?" Miko refused to look at the woman from the incredulous tone presented in her voice when she posed the question to her. She was ashamed of herself. And why not? Miko knew she was stupid and useless. Why even bother to feed herself? She would just mess up her nice dress that Deidara had so generously bestowed upon her. Waste food that would be better put to use filling up _his_ tummy.

Konan shook her head and set the yogurt cup on the desk, spoon sticking straight out like an impaled eating utensil. Really, what in God's name was Deidara doing with this child? From the limited details she had been given, the woman surmised that the girl had been seriously neglected, and yes, neglect in early life can prevent one from developing as quick as a normal person, but still...

There was always time to learn and to catch up. It seemed to be that he hadn't even thought of that idea in the first place. To actually help the kid along in the areas she lacked experience and talent in. Diaper changing? This Miko girl was already growing out of her toddler years, despite her scrawny size. The best thing for her was to restart her education and the ways of life and to do it as steadily and repetitively as possible so that she could pick up the skills in due time. Rewards and positive encouragement and all that.

It wasn't medical ninja training.

Konan sighed and placed her hand on the girl's shoulder. The sudden movement—though it was as indirect as possible—made her jerk up and stiffen like a frightened cat.

"Easy, little girl, easy..."

Miko looked directly in her eyes. They were brown.. Almost... golden-like... And they were serious eyes. She knew she could not win this lady over and avoid pain by mere "cuteness". No. Her eyes had some sharp shield reflecting in them, something that prevented familial attachment to anyone else after a certain limit.

The girl had already lost the battle at this point.

"Your name is Miko, right? Don't get yourself worked up. It's alright. I'll feed you... Open up."

Numbly, Miko swallowed her food. Numbly, she drank her milk. Numbly, she sat herself in a corner for "play time" and began hugging the bear to her chest until she thought she could squeeze the air out of her lungs all by herself.

"There is something very wrong with this child." Konan thought as the woman watched the girl sway in an undesignated rhythm.

But what could she do? Whisk her away to an orphanage? For one thing, Deidara would no doubt have a tantrum at the idea; she could tell how close the two had grown, even if it was a one-sided relationship on his part. And orphanages weren't the happiest or most hopeful of places for someone like her to live in. Not at all.

In the end, there was nothing to be said or done that wasn't an awkward pat on the head, a diaper change, a treat of some crackers, and a muttered good-bye.

* * *

"Deidara, are you sure you have enough clay to take on the one-tail jinchuuriki?"

The sand blew across the golden dunes of the Land of the Wind as two conspicuously dressed missing nin trudged across the long stretch of desert to their targeted destination. The Sand Village.

"Of course, Danna. Even a small clay bird is enough art to take down this beast, yeah."

Sasori was mobilized in his Hiruko puppet, a scorpion-like model with wide spread arms and legs that slid across the sand like a snail, or perhaps a sort of lizard, next to his blond bipedal partner. The older artist scoffed at Deidara's hip. "Don't be so cocky. It'll get you killed one day."

"I'm not afraid to die if it means going out with a bang, un."

Within his puppet creation, Sasori was shaking his head. This kid...he didn't even begin to understand how precious life was. To trade it as easily as that, for his art? Foolish. Absolutely foolish. The red-haired Sand nin would love to rid the world of such naïve and misguided idiots that ran amok in this world, claiming to know what art really was, when in reality they couldn't be farther from the truth.

"Ah, I see it, yeah."

The towering sand-battered walls that surrounded the Sand Village were emerging into view. Almost there; then the real mission would begin.

If everything went according to plan—and Sasori knew it would—his sleeper agent would have woken up from his little "nap" and dispatched the troublesome lookouts that guarded the gates.

* * *

When the two Akatsuki finally sidled up to the entrance, they were unsurprised to find that their tool had done his job with hundred percent efficiency.

"Do you know who I am?" Sasori asked, quite unnecessarily in Deidara's opinion.

"Yes. Master Sasori."

"Nice job you did here, kid." Sasori shifted his eyes to his partner as the blond examined the carnage littered around the walls. Calling the kettle black here, aren't we, Deidara? Yura was a few years older than the brat himself.

"This way, please."

"Alright, yeah."

* * *

Deidara hopped upon the clay creation he had just made, a white bird ten times bigger than he. He turned back to give his Danna one last cheek.

"How do you like it, Danna? Pretty cool, hm?"

"Fine, fine, just make sure to meet me back at this spot after your mission is completed. We're on a tight schedule, Dei-da-ra.."

His reply was a cocky smirk, one that revealed so much of the bomber's hotheaded leanings and overzealous attitudes towards combining his "art" with overkill-victory. And not to mention his tendency to be a bit of a show-off when things turned to his favor early in battle.

And with that, the Rock nin was aloft in the air, soaring above the geometrically-placed houses whose pathways and streets Sasori knew grudgingly all-too-well. It would be a hidden blessing if Deidara were to bomb a few apartments out of sheer enthusiasm.

* * *

Deidara's mind readily forgot about Miko during his 15-minute flight through the orange-tinged sky.

His mind was blank of all but the mission. Of the jinchuuriki he and Sasori were tasked to capture. Of the inevitable battle that may suddenly begin in one minute, five minutes, ten minutes, thirty, an hour, three hours, five...

As he detonated the three spiders attached to the faces of those stupid Sand lookouts Deidara's blood was by then roaring in his ears. It was screaming with every bang, boom, and blast that emitted from his art. Beautiful art that sprayed earth and blood so exquisitely together in raindrops and splatters, with colorful smoke and sparks all the while.

If someone were to ask him at this time how Miko was adapting to her new home, he would've drawn a blank face and ask, a little irritated from being distracted from his current "project":

"_Who?"_

If that same person were to press upon the subject even further, saying something along the lines of "Miko, that little girl you're keeping with you?" his reply, even more bemused but (thankfully) less aggravated, would have been,_ "Don't know what you're talking about. You talkin' about those shrine maiden mikos? I've never met any personally, but let me tell ya—those outfits they wear? Pretty damn cute, hehe..."_

* * *

"Miko, come over here."

The Konan lady had come back. She had been sitting in _his _chair for what seemed like forever, but Miko had been too occupied sitting in a corner and rocking herself to notice or care. A method of soothing herself, since she had to go without _his_ touch for now. Perhaps forever.

"It is very important. Won't you please at least listen?" Miko's hands balled into fists. She was already disappointed in her. For not obeying. Stupid stupid stupid stupid girl...!

All Miko wanted was Deidara. Even if she was not inclined to jump into his arms should he return, his presence would be a relief; something to calm this buzzing, headachey psyche she currently possessed. And even if he were to brush her aside and claim "Quiet-Alone-Time" for himself as an excuse for her to not approach him, that would be alright, too.. It would all be alright. Anything would... She just wanted...to see him again... Just...see him.

It hurts...

Miko let out a sharp note when she felt a stranger's hand on her head. Hair-pulling, punching, pounding slapping._ No more... Stop...No..._

"Miko...Miko calm down, it's me.. Calm down..Calm...down."

It was no use.

'This child...she's mentally ill. She needs a doctor, not a barely-twenty-something outlaw with a penchant for pyrotechnics.'

Miko began to cry softly in the Konan lady's arms. She didn't want her. She didn't even want Deidara. No. She needed him. Her chest had been aching ever since he left three days ago, and now the pain had begun to tighten into a burning ball that danced in her lungs, constricting her windpipe, cutting off all air supply which quickly lead to her mind reeling out of near-hysteria.

"You pitiful thing. You really miss him, don't you? He'll be back in a few days..." Her hair was being stroked lightly, mechanically. The action did not have the same warmth and feel like when Deidara did it. No emotion, no caring, no affection. Cold and fake. Worse than no touch at all.

"But I have to tell you something...You don't have to look at me, just listen. Deidara and I—hm, you're interested in this information now? Very well, that's good. The two of us will rendezvous with the other members of Akatsuki and we will have to do a …. 'ritual'. This ritual will require three straight days of constant chakra flow from all active members, so you'll be alone for those three days. I expect you not to get into anything while I'm gone, and not to make a mess of things until Deidara returns.."

She was leaving? Leaving Miko all by herself?

It didn't matter. She'd be a good girl and sit in the corner and wait with an empty tummy and a dirty diaper and droopy eyes and a tear stained face and a mouth full of broken teeth and a teddy bear with black beady eyes for him.

She'd wait for him. She had waited all her life for someone—anyone—to pay attention to her, to actually care a little, to feel "love" even if it was fleeting or faked; and now that that person who did all those things was to be absent for only a few more days, Miko felt no reason to be impatient. She would wait however much longer it was to be. Longer.

"It'll be alright. You'll be fine alone, won't you? I'll give you pre-made meals for those days: breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I'd trust you wouldn't eat those all at once. And we've been toilet-training you for these few days, so you can put those new skills to good use. Wouldn't Deidara be surprised when he comes home to find no dirty diapers to change?"

Surprised. He'd be surprised. Yeah...very surprised. It would be a way for Miko to show him that his hospitality was not being taken for granted. He would relinquish one of his harrowing tasks unto her: diaper-changing-turned-potty-duty. He would be proud. But Miko didn't let herself think that with too much conviction; there was always a chance that it wouldn't put even a dent in his list of labors devoted to keeping her satisfied.

Miko clenched her fists. She was such a burden to him..._ It hurts..._

Konan sighed. She had long ceased and desisted with her petting. No getting through to this child. She was a locked door that had no key, let alone keyhole.

"I'll be going now. Before I leave for the three day absence I will deliver to you your food. Until then, farewell."

And with the shutting of the door, Miko was isolated once again.

* * *

Alone...

Looking up at the ceiling for long enough, Miko felt herself floating up towards it. Like her soul was a magnet. Floating up to the ceiling... if she thought hard then she could imagine it to be like the thick surface of water. Grey and nearly-impenetrable, but she would push through. And then.. what would happen? What would happen if the gray surface broke? Would she see the sky that she had heard so much about from Deidara's stories of flying? Would she see a black void, the edge of the world? Her world?

She still knew so little about what was out there... What was out there? Was there anything at all? Did he go anywhere? Did he just step out of the room and wait in a different room until he felt like returning? Were these tales of the outside a lie? Was the window to the outside world an illusion? Was she really here? Or was she still back in her room servicing a customer? Did "Daddy" even exist as well? Did she even exist?

A blur slowly came into view. Fingers...nails...skin...gray..white...it was a hand. Her hand. Why had she lifted it up?

Flex, flex..._How does that work?_ Squeeze... _Who controls this hand? Me? Or someone else? _

A gradual flowing sensation just below her navel signaled that she needed to use the bathroom. The Konan lady had taught her to listen to her body's "warnings" when the time came for it to remove its waste. After a few mistakes, she had gotten the hang of it; it really wasn't so hard, and it was much better than waiting for someone to change her out of the smelly mess she would have to sit in for many hours, at times. She was the master of her bowels. She chose whether to hold it in or to relieve herself. And now that she had the tools necessary to enact that will...

Miko hoisted herself up on the toilet. The light in the bathroom was off, but she left the door open wide, letting the natural light of the day in the bedroom to flood in. She knew where everything was, anyways. She had taken a good look during her baths and her potty training to figure out where the soap and towels were, the most secure-looking grooves and edges in the cupboard artwork that could be best used to heave herself onto any higher-than-she platform (like say, the sink).

She lifted the hem of her dress, bunching it in her fists so that it wouldn't get wet. And after a small exhale, she let her bladder go.

The tinkling was the only sound in the world. It was just her in this empty place. But right now it wasn't lonely. She forbidden herself awhile ago from thinking of him. It would only make everything worse. She would never get to sleep, never have the drive to eat her meals or go to the bathroom. It was counter-productive, at best.

At last she was done; she wiped herself and dropped the damp paper into the toilet. She slid off, pulled up her "little pants" and reached over to pull the lever. Then she quickly covered her ears, for the roaring of the white porcelain monster as it sucked up her pee hurt her ears and set her on edge.

She laid back down in her respective spot on the floor, but not before retrieving a pillow and a blanket from the bed. One reason she declined to sleep in the bed—as was its main function—was because 1) she was too short to hoist her leg up onto the mattress for even the smallest bit of leverage, and 2) what was the point? He wouldn't be in the bed with her; it would just be a cold, empty space beside her. No one to warm her up and to whisper sweet things in her ear while she drifted off to sleep.

Not that she needed that stuff. No. She didn't need it. She'd keep telling herself that until she was convinced that it was true. All that he did. She didn't need it. No. They were all treats for her, gifts, favors, anything but mandatory.

She didn't need clothes.

She didn't need a toilet (or a diaper change, for that matter).

She didn't need sweets.

She didn't need smiles.

She didn't need hugs.

She didn't need laughs, or words of encouragement, or "thank you"s, or blankets, or pillows, or stuffed animals, or or or or...

Or attention...

Small baby hands gripped and tugged at the blanket thrown carelessly over her prone person.

She didn't...need this...

She wanted this... that's it... she wanted it...which meant that she... could do without it... he didn't need to go to all this trouble... No... He could always stop... so why didn't he stop? He was wrong... she didn't .. need... any of this...

Miko sat up suddenly. Something was screaming in her ears. Telling her to do what must be done.

And she obeyed.

She threw "her" pillow across the room, where it landed just a few feet away with a soft _whump!_ along with "her" blanket. It too flopped through the air, then floated semi-gracefully near the discarded cushion.

"Her" dress came off soon afterward in a whirlwind of cloth and lace. Next "her" socks... Throw that on the Pile of Greed and Selfishness...

Then the teddy bear, and what else? Was that everything? Everything that made her owe him? She didn't owe him anything. She didn't want to owe him anything. She wanted to be free of guilt for once in her life. Just be able to do something without the gnawing anxiety and constant looking-over-her-shoulder for any authority who dare catch her in the act. Whatever act that may be.

Miko suddenly realized how cold it was in there. Cold and lonely. She looked down at herself. Her scars were plain in the daylight. Clearly printed on her skin, reminders of her past transgressions. Her crosses to bear. Her reminders. Her failures. Her teachers. Her lessons.

And in a sense, she was grateful to all those men. Very grateful. She was a learned child. Very learned in the ways of the world. How being greedy earns you a punch in the gut and a finger in a very painful place. How crying just annoys everyone and they'll be less likely to show you sympathy the next time you're hurt. How whining for food and clothes and toys and a hug is just selfish and you should keep your head down and be happy for what you get, and if you don't get anything, serves you right.

And he was undermining all of that knowledge. All of those rules. It wasn't fair that he could just whisk her away and tell her that what she knew wasn't right and it wasn't moral and that she deserved better than that. He didn't know her like she knew her. He didn't know how naughty she had been in that room. She..deserved..all of these owies..All of them and more.

Miko wiped her face.

It wasn't fair.

_Mama..._

* * *

**Oooh! More complaining! I have to put this somewhere. I don't even care if you read.. but please do if you like to feel sorry for me and my whininess and try to connect.. "OMG I know how you're feeling" No you doooon't. I'm sorry but you don't... It sucks when people say that... Aren't my emotions unique to no one else but me? What does that mean if someone can relate.. That means that your feelings are general and can be synonymous with someone else's suffering or plight. But is that just my cultural upbringing speaking? That the "be unique, be number one, stand out" is so ingrained in my subconscious that I balk at any attempts to connect with others... Maybe it's got nothing to do with my unwillingness-or my inability, more like, to empathize with others and give a damn about their "hardships".**

**And while we're on the subject (or off.. PREPARE THE TANGENT), god damnit, I HATE those "punk", "super nonchalant" "edgy" people who just blog and complain about shit like "GOING OFF TO SCHOOL WITH ALL THE OTHER SHEEP.. BAAAA" Oh give me a BREAK. Sheep? Like everyone in America is a mindless consumer? Way to generalize, BITCH!  
****Jesus effing Christ **(I can speak my "Lord's" name in vain because he would love it that I think of him as so holy that his very name is a curse.."SAM FINNIGAN!" Now someone named Sam Finnigan is feeling good about himself because I used his name as a curseword... anyways) **Here's an idea. Why don't you get off your nihilistic, misanthropic, emo-judging-others-for-enjoying-their-lives-SOAPBOX and do something to CHANGE that. You can't? Well boo hoo, that's just how the world works. Instead of complaining about people who're so inclined to buy the new shiny gizmo for their dog (or a cellphone FOR their dog), or shoes, or Fast food, how about you put your head in those books and study on Global Issues and stop focusing on your own country. It's all about you-you-you, isn't it? "My country sucks... everyone in my country's an idiot" WELL BE GODDAMN LUCKY THAT YOU CAN SAY THAT SHIT ON THAT BLOG THAT IS ORIGINALLY FROM THAT COUNTRY!**

-Huffs and puffs- Haven't..eaten..in ... two days... I'm gonna lay down now.. But yeah.. I hate "punk" edgy people like that... Read the bookBorn to Rock by Gordon Korman. I read it and I IMMEDIATELY hated the stupid bitch in that book. Maybe I just don't like people who complain and "rock the boat" without doing anything really productive except COMPLAIN, but that's just me.

SORRY FOR RANTING. BUT I NEED TO PUT THIS SOMEWHERE :/


	12. Injuries Upon His Return

**Updated! Sorry, I was totally gonna update a week ago, but I had to visit my technologically-unsavvy grandparents, bless them. **But I bought Naruto vol. 57 at a Walmart :3** And I saw Ted in theatres! DO NOT RENT IT FOR THE FAMILY. It's too innappropriate xD**

**I wanted to make it up to you all, so I made this 24 pages! 24! I haven't written a chapter this long since the very first one! x.x That is pretty pathetic, don't you think? This is more than the last three chapters combined! I fail at servicing you readers properly..**

**Oh and I always wanted to do this, and forgive me for being an ass but..**

**I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to thank a few people out there who have been supporting me. Name-dropping time! Turn away now, haters and eye-rollers, because I feel like if you don't see these peoples' names, then it means I don't give a damn, but I truly do. .. Actually I'll do that at the bottom! No need to clog up the screen with the names. Check at the bottom to see if you're one of the** ~*~^%%%CHOSEN ONES%%%^~*~ **O_O **

**SO HERE IT IS! Please read and review. You know you want to. I need to know if anyone still CARES about this story or not x_x**

* * *

_"Sweetie girl, come here, yeah... Okay, up we go!"_

_She was sitting in his lap. He was back. Everything was back to normal. Back to normal._

_"Sweetie girl..." he cooed. Why did his sugary words make her face turn so pink? It was embarrassing, but... it felt good. It made her heart get warm. A warm heart. Was that a bad thing? Did he make her sick every time he made her feel that sensation?_

_He leaned in close, his lips near her ear, nuzzling her hair. "I missed you. Those missions take a lot out of me sometimes, yeah.. But I'm glad I have something to look forward to when I come back."_

_What does he mean? Does he mean me? Why me?_

Thought it to be more logical and rational that he miss a working toilet more than a little worthless scrap of a girl like her.

_Miko curled up against his chest, passive and submissive but not clingy. Clinginess was a major no-no. She knew from experience, and doubted this man would be very tolerant of it._

_"What's up...you tired, hm?" His large hand ran down her spine, very unnerving at first, but she slowly eased herself into the rhythm of the ministrations. "Baby didn't get enough sleep while I was gone..? We can take a nap, you and me...Hehe I take more naps with you than I ever did when I was a baby..." This made him laugh softly for some reason, smirk and grin and smile. Why? She did not know._

_Still silent._

_"Come on, sweetie girl, let's get you to bed."_

_She didn't need to go to bed. She didn't need to have anything done for her that required him to sacrifice any of his personal time. These naps, reading her books, bathing her, feeding her... All a waste of his precious time. She was a lost cause. There was no reason to devote any resources to her. No reason. No reason._

_"Here we go...tuck you in... here is Mr. Bear and your special blankie.." She didn't need "Mr. Bear" or a "special blankie". What was the word for this? "Dumb". This was all "dumb"._

_But wait. Was calling this "dumb" and everything he had given her the same as insulting him for giving her these things in the first place? The fact that he had bought them for her, the fact that he had wasted his scheduled time to give her a perk or two? Was she disrespecting him by denying herself these things?_

_Was she a bad girl? She was, wasn't she... She was being bad, all this time. Mama... I'm sorry..._

_"Hm? Miko, what's wrong, why are you crying? Baby, don't cry..shh shh shh..."_

_"Mama...Mama...Mamaaa"_

_"Shh..no no no...shh... come on, tell me what's wrong, hm? Shhh...Shhh...don't cry baby girl. Don't cry."_

_I'm a bad girl... It hurts..._

_Why did she always do wrong? She didn't deserve these attempts at comforting her. No, none of it. None of this... Bad girl that she was..._

_"Hush now.. hush.. there... shh... just close your eyes.. I'm right here, there's nothing to be scared of.. You're okay..." He paused, then said, "you're a good girl, un...Miko, my good girl..."_

_He actually believed she was a good girl? When she hadn't bent over and taken his thing inside of her without wailing or crying or screaming from the pain? When she hadn't knelt before him and put her mouth... on it and hadn't swallowed the white stuff that came out when he would scrunch his face up and sigh all happy? She had done none of those things. Those things are what made her a good girl. Those are what made her useful, and therefore a good girl._

_She was not useful. She was not a good girl. Both facts coincided with each other; one made the other true, and vice versa. It was simple to her, a safe system to live by. You are either good and useful, or not good and not useful. Yet why was he lying to her?_

_Why..._

_It made no... sense..._

_His voice was fading away. She wasn't falling asleep, she wasn't sleepy. No. She couldn't open her eyes. Come back..._

.

Miko lifted her head up from the carpet. The room was immersed in darkness. She could make the faint outline of a chair, the crease of a wall where it met the floor, but nothing more. Even the lights outside the room were off. She was all alone.

_**Just a bad dream.**_

.

.  
No more food. It was all gone. It had been eaten.

No more paper. It had been all used up or ripped apart and thrown away.

No more smiles. They had never existed.

No more tears. They had dried out days before.

No more... him...

The child was in the corner, leaning against the south wall of the room. She was feeling nauseous and the cool plaster felt good against her hot face. It took her mind off of her empty tummy. Off of the time that went by so slowly, so frustratingly slow... He would be back...he would..she'd just have to .. wait... wait...wait … wait...

_**Like a good girl waits.**_

She hadn't gone to the bathroom in a long time. Only had to pee a tiny bit when she did, but she didn't know why. Maybe because food was not coming in. But where was all the pee coming from? She hadn't drunk any water in a long time...

Her head felt fuzzy...her hands felt fuzzy, too, like something prickly was crawling across her fingers, her palms, up her wrists and arms...

Everything...everything was everything... this room is.. a room...that's right.. this is a room... what is a room? What is …. What? Ha ha ha... laugh... why did she 'laugh' in her head? What was so funny?

Dei...da...ra...

Call him by his name. He'll come. He'll appear...

Chapped lips cracked open, ready to give up nothing.

"Duh...Dah...Raaaah..." Wait. Wait for. Wait for it.

Silence. Air. Being. Air being air. What was that? … Oh that's a … a.. a.. a bed... And that's … my hand...

Happy... he is happy all the time. Dei is happy all the time; happy Dei is Dei happy.

Sad... she is sad all the time. Miko is sad all the time; sad Miko is Miko sad...

_**Come back to me.**_

I hate myself...because I need you. Don't come back, because I need you. Stay away. Take me away from here. Abandon me... I don't need... you... Or anything else.

_**Come...back...**_

.

.

.  
She did not know why she awoke. She was probably never asleep in the first place. Sleep and non-sleep were basically the same thing at this point. Brain was shut off all the time.

Something alerted her.

_Time to wake up, something is about to happen._

_Wake up? For what...? What will happen?_

The door opened.

Miko looked up.

A figure stood in the door way, large and broad. It nearly took up the whole frame.

Deidara?

The figure tromped in; Miko tried getting to her feet, but discovered they wouldn't work.

How do I walk? How do my feet work?

They were numb, her feet. Felt like walking on stilts, like the ankle stumps were jammed into planks of wood as makeshift planes to balance on. She fell.

The figure—the stranger she did not know— glanced in her direction with striking green eyes and a black cloth covering his mouth and then resumed its business.

"Deidara, hurry up, I've cut time out of my newest mission to help you." Such a deep voice. So deep and dark. Not much of a surprise since it came from a figure so big.

"Yeah I'm coming." Deidara...Dei... His voice.. It's him...!

Miko lifted her head up to gaze from behind long, loose bangs. She could barely see him through her hair... Her eyes weren't working properly...

I'm right here... Right here.. Dei..Deidara...Mister..Master.. Mister Master...

A slurred note came from her lips...

"Ssssaaaa..." Barely... barely audible.

"Lie down on the bed, it's easier for me."

"Why don't you take off my coat, hm? I would do it myself, you know, but I don't have any.. _you know, arms_? Ow.. Damnit!" His cry of pain was sharp and defiant when the man roughly ripped the torn and tattered cloth off his body. The one he had wrapped her in the first night she spent in this room...Her first clothes...her first blanket...

Why did he hurt?

"Quit being a woman." the older man scolded lowly, tossing the Akatsuki's standard-issued uniform to the floor carelessly. "You had your arms _ripped off at the seams _and you still managed to capture the One-Tail, take part in the three-day-sealing, and fight the Nine-Tails, which I might add you failed to capture."

"Hn, shut it, Kakuzu. That was my attempt at 'extra credit' and you know it, yeah.. ah shit.."

While they were throwing comments back and forth, Miko decided to risk showing her face to the outside world; she tentatively parted the curtain of black that was her hair and blinked open weary eyes, bruised and dark from insomnia that had attacked her for the past three days now. Or not. She did not know..

What she saw.. What she saw.

He was propped on the pillows... Normal.. But.. But... BUT...

His arms .. his arms... his ARMS.

.

"What was that, yeah?" Deidara had been stirred from his relaxed slur on the bed as he prepared himself for the inevitably painful stitching and reattachment of his missing arms.

Kakuzu merely glanced over his shoulder.

"A kid fell over, now hold still."

A kid? Why the hell was there a kid in his—?

Wait. Miko.

He had completely forgotten about Miko. All alone, waiting for him. Completely..forgotten...

"Miko..?" Lifting up his head from the pillow, he could barely see the top of her head and her trailing dress over the risen bed spread, which in his view were like mountains blocking his sight.

"Deal with it later, she's still breathing. Now hold still..."

Deidara's brow creased with worry, but his thoughts were pushed aside for later when Kakuzu's words demanded his attention:

"I will begin, and don't you be moving around. This little operation is different from what I do with Hidan's injuries, since you can't rejuvenate like he can. And every mistake. Is. Permanent. If I fuck up even one stitch, you can kiss the arms goodbye completely, and I can just rip them off and throw them to Zetsu, understand?"

"Yeah yeah..."

"Good. _Now, don't fucking move." _Deidara risked a roll of his blue eye and a pent up sigh of "all-right-get-it-over-with".

Kakuzu grunted, still not quite convinced that the twerp understood the severity of the situation, "Do you want your arms back, or do you want to be 'Stumpy' for the rest of your life? Because I can take my skills elsewhere..." Even so, he began. After pushing up his long, dark sleeve to reveal a very muscular forearm, Deidara settled in for what should undoubtedly be a very uncomfortable time.

Almost in a fascinated daze, the blond bomber watched as the tendrils from the hulking man snaked out of his wrist. They were black and alien-ish tentacles that danced and wiggled in midair; Deidara was a little unnerved, but the Akatsuki was comprised of only the strongest—and as a consequence, or maybe a coincidence—the most freakish and abhorrent of ninja ever bred for battle.

Deidara shivered when they touched the stump of his arm. They poked and prodded as if they were blind worms using touch to understand their surroundings. Kakuzu lined up the artist's detached limb to his stump and paused to rotate it this way and that, trying to find the right angle at which to sew it on. Though this wasted time, he silently thanked Kakuzu for his meticulous habits. Wouldn't want it to be attached with his elbow pointing outwards.

"First arm." The tentacles then proceeded to drill into Deidara's stump. It was painful, like a mosquito had enlarged their proboscis by a hundred and was now jamming it into his arm to drink his blood.

"Aah, shit.."

"Don't be a baby." With a blank face tinged with horror and a sick sense of captivation, Deidara witnessed the black tendrils feed into the holes they had made, twist out of the open-ended muscles, slip into the severed arm, and then slowly begin to reel it in until the two parts connected superficially. He was grateful he couldn't feel his near-dead arm against his stump; it would've probably felt dead and cold. Muscle against muscle? A little disgusting, though he himself was not one to gag over every little thing.

A weird sensation then emerged from within his arm: It was like the tendrils were flowing up to his shoulder, then washing all the way down to his stump, and slowly... slowly... he could feel it in his severed arm. He could feel sensations in his severed arm...!

"I'm reconnecting the muscles and tissues together. There's no point in doing this unless I go all the way to regain full function of these arms."

"Yeah , un... Thanks..." Deidara let his head fall back to his pillow ("I said don't fucking move!") and proceeded to stare at the ceiling as the stitching near completion, at least for this first arm (his right arm, now that he thought about it). He could imagine the tendrils swimming inside, merging and tying themselves to the blood vessels and muscles to hold it all together. It was something abstract and yet real to think about, since it was happening as he was breathing. A medical marvel, to be sure.

Deidara wasn't someone who fooled himself into thinking he knew everything, especially about medicine, but surely this was something to behold. Lives that could be saved, limbs that could be reattached from this special ability the Akatsuki's 'official treasurer' possessed.

But the only thing it was useful for—in Kakuzu's opinion, Deidara realized—was to replenish his stock of hearts and to suture up Hidan when his battle injuries caught up with him. And of course use it as a battle weapon...however he used it.. possibly whipped his enemies in the ass.. Haha.

"Something funny?"

Deidara blinked, focused on Kakuzu, who was pausing in his process of reeling in his other arm to begin the reattachment deal all over again.

Kakuzu was not one to understand jokes, or even want to understand anything where he was being made fun of, or even if the joke wasn't making fun of him per se, but included him as a subject... Deidara had to think fast on his feet:

"Ah, nothing. Just thinking about my dumb luck. I mean, my arms got ripped off, one by the One Tail, and the other by the Nine Tails brat, yeah."

"I thought you said the right arm was sucked into a vortex created from some weird jutsu used by the Copy Ninja Kakashi had performed." This small talk was being made just as the tentacles began feeding into Deidara's forearm and biceps, where it began linking and rejoining the severed vessels and muscles in order to complement the other, fixed limb.

"Yeah..I did..." Silence for a few minutes but for the slight noise of _slithering _beneath Deidara's skin. Not even Miko … not that she was a noisy child, but … she hadn't even recovered from..whatever had happened to her. He needed to be by her side quickly, to find out what had happened. Had she collapsed from hunger? He asked Konan to provide her meals. Did she forget to make her food during the three day sealing?

He and Sasori had arrived at the hideout and proceeded with the sealing of the One Tails. Deidara closed his eyes. Sasori and him the only members in actual physical form, the other astral projections.. Rainbow waves... He had seen Konan, silent and dutiful, and mentally slapped himself for forgetting that all able members would have to appear for the jutsu to work. Miko would be without anyone to care for her for three days. Damnit...

But he went on with the sealing, pushed the worries completely out of his head. It was a habit of his, a special ability, a scary one now that he thought about it. Able to completely focus on the task put before him and think of nothing else but what duties he had to fulfill before he was let go. Didn't think about Miko at all since he had stepped out of this room a week from today...not once, up to the point when he saw Konan, and that was only about thirty seconds of panic and worry. After that...

Nothing but the sense of pride of single-handedly taking down the One Tail jinchuuriki (Sasori didn't do shit); the stress of having to feed a constant stream of chakra to power the Hell Statue which was utilized to extract said jinchuuriki, coupled with the mental and physical exhaustion keeping this workout going full-blast for three days straight; the zeal and anticipation upon being tasked immediately afterwards to deal with Leaf ninja dispatched to rescue their former demon-hosting 'friend'; the subsequent realization (and ever-so-slight amusement) that the Nine Tails brat was fucking psychotic when it came to his 'comrades', especially his fellow demons; the awe and slight ..-fear- witnessing a glimpse of the Nine Tails true power...and then it was only a fraction of its true self. ; the disbelief and slight disappointment when he heard that his partner, his ball-busting, cantankerous, crotchety, acts-200-years-his-age-partner, Sasori..was defeated by a pink bitch and an old hag.

And now he was back here, in his room...A Jinchuuriki sealed and its body "stolen" back, another Jinchuuriki escaped, his own two arms severed at the elbows, his senior defeated in battle...

And Miko...his pet...on the floor..possibly unconscious...hadn't stirred in over five minutes.

"It's done." Kakuzu snapped the loose ends before slipping them back into his own arm. The made a sound of satin being rubbed together, a smooth and slick 'swssh', like a fishing line being reeled in. The man straightened up and proceeded to turn the arms this way and that, looking over his handiwork one last time before deeming it truly 100% finished.

"Let the arms rest for five minutes before using them. There will be an aching feeling for at least three days which you can do shit about. Don't take any medication for the pain, because for some reason it loosens the grip of my vectors. After that they should be fully functional without any problems."

Deidara was about to sit up and flex his hand experimentally, and almost did, but he heard what the tall money-grubbing Akatsuki member said, and just settled with doing the first thing.

"Sigh...thanks Kakuzu, yeah." Deidara looked down at his hands. They were back. His arms, his hands. They were back. He didn't have a doubt that he would ever be reunited with them again, never able to create his prize-worthy explosions, but still...

Kakuzu sniffed slightly, but perked his ears up when he heard a sudden banging on he door.

"KAKUZU! I'VE BEEN LOOKING EVERYWHERE FOR YOU! HURRY THE HELL UP! WE HAVE A MISSION TO DO!"

"I'm coming! Shut the hell up..!" He rumbled from behind his dark mouth sash. Without any words similar to "you're welcome" - Deidara didn't expect anything short of a grunt.. It was something odd of him to even express his own gratitude, but he pretty much had to, being younger and in obvious disrepair – Kakuzu tromped to the door, opened it in a sudden flourish, catching his loud and obnoxious partner off-guard.

"Kakuzu, what the fuck man? For once I'm actually ready to get this show on the road and you're off Jashin knows where-"

"Yeah yeah yeah.." The door slammed shut, drowning out the epithet Hidan would undoubtedly shoot out of his foul mouth to his equally grim partner.

As the loud uproar faded away down the corridor, Deidara let out a sigh. He'd have to wait before taking action. He was so tired, now that he thought about it. Every inch of skin affected by his stitches was buzzing and numbing. It would take a few minutes as Kakuzu said before he could—or should—be allowed to move them.

And in the agonizing slow ticking of time in his head, he waited.

While the little shrimp of a girl he knew to be "Miko" lay face down on the floor.

Something white in the corner of his vision made his head turn. And he saw to his surprise that the trashcan next to his desk was stuffed full of the little dresses he had picked out for her to wear.

_What the hell was that all about?_

As the seconds ticked by, Deidara felt his eyes grow heavy. Propped up on these pillows with useless arms –at least for three more minutes or so—and drained of basically all chakra, along with a dead partner... he felt like sleeping away all the weariness the world had piled onto his shoulders. He had forgotten all about Miko...all about her.. but now all he wanted to do was to scoop her up and take a nap with the little child. His breathing plush toy. A doll he could dress up and kiss whenever he pleased. Well, not WHENEVER he pleased, but pretty damned close. She was so submissive it was almost heart-breaking. Almost, but not quite.

He would get his fun out of mortifying her with kind words and gentle touches, confuse her with his moral behavior, and she would in turn be a pet of sorts. One that sat at his heel while he tilled away at his desk with a new model of bomb or read about the newest village or ninja or jinchuuriki to target; one that planted herself in a single corner of the room for many hours straight, and rocked herself for whatever reason, without ever once approaching him to ask for food or a few soft words of acknowledgment and reassurance. Quiet as a mouse, nearly mute. Withdrawn... somber... melancholy...

Time was up. Close to it anyways. Deidara was too assed to be counting '1 Jinchuuriki, 2 Jinchuuriki.." to keep track of the passing seconds.

Leaning on his elbows for leverage was a big mistake. A sharp aching pain immediately shot up his arm and screamed in his head, "DONT USE YOUR ARMS YET, ASSHOLE!"

Deidara bit his lip, whispered, "Damnit.." but muscled through the agony, so-to-speak.

He swung his legs over the side of the bed and stood up without relying on his hands to help in the process.

When he rounded the corner of the bed he immediately came face-to-floor with the body.

She was prostrated, nose in the carpet, not moving.

Was she dead?

'Course she wasn't dead. He could hear shallow breathing, however soft.

The blond took a few steps towards the seemingly-unconscious girl and knelt down.

"God she is so skinny," he thought. "Look at those arms, they're practically bones.. and those legs!" And all this time he had been trying to fatten her up a little so she wouldn't look like a weepy skeleton. It seemed like all his hard work was all for naught. Back to where he started.

With one knee planted in the carpet, he reached down and grasped her by the shoulders. Flipping her over onto her back resulted in two simultaneous "WHAT DID I JUST SAY? DON'T USE YOUR ARMS!" signals to his brain from the twisting motion performed by his elbows.

She landed with a none-too-gentle thump. Her back arched as soon as her head hit the floor; her mouth opened like a black hole to let out a wail, revealing broken teeth and bruised gums...

"Hey hey hey hey hey hey it's me, Miko it's me.. I'm back..I'm back, shh..."

He leaned himself close, letting his hair fall over his shoulders and frame his face. His elbows pressed into the carpet—silently screaming in pain (which he ignored for the upteenth time)–and his hands cupping the child's hollow cheeks, holding her head steady.

"Miko...Miko I'm back..."

Someone's hands were on her face. His fingers curling around her chin...

_Strangle me... He could strangle me.. just a little farther... This man could strangle me... Hold me tight..._

On this floor, him no doubt looming over her... Who was he again? From the sound of it, he knew her... What was his name again?

A finger brushed across her temple, pulling away long tresses of the dark hair that had never been cut. Can't see with this hair... but what is there left to see? It's a blessing... Can't see the empty room.. the bruises, the scars, the scrapes...

"Miko..open your eyes.. it's me, Deidara un. Don't tell me you don't remember me, heh?" It was a weak laugh, one that didn't convince himself one bit. What if she didn't remember him? How long was he gone? A week? No, more. Didn't kids quickly forget everything they learned after a short while if constant repetition wasn't built up? But they've been together for at least two months, so shouldn't that be enough to establish a long-term memory? Fuck, what if it wasn't?

Had she forgotten about him? Miko, open your eyes...

As if he had actually spoken the words aloud, he girl squinted, blinked them slowly open. Unfocused then focused... on him. Mouth parted, lips pale as her face, white like death. Almost a grayish tone. Almost.

"Hi there..." Soft, high tones... put on a mask for her. Pretend that this isn't inconveniencing you; dig deep down and give a shit about this kid's obvious mental break from reality, "How are you, little one, yeah?"

He smiled, but it was more of a grimace to Miko. He didn't mean it. He's lying, this man is lying. Don't care, don't care, don't care...

Deidara's elbows were on fire. The carpet was biting into them as if they were pressed into a mat of teeth-lined steel wool.

"Come on, up you go kid...right?" The child only blinked once with exaggerated slowness. It was if she was still not registering him in her line of vision.

"Come on... up..." A half-hearted nudge of her shoulder. It was like touching a doll. Her body moved with his hand and then gave way and returned to its original position. All while staring up ahead, those eyes.. boring into his forehead like murky brown pools flecked with green algae.

_Judging me... 'Why did you leave me?' she's probably thinking. 'I hate you...You're just like Daddy' or whatever the fuck I am to her now... Damnit. Damn kid... Damnit..._

His mouth had long since fallen into a frown to perpetuate his shrinking faux-enthusiasm in greeting the kid. No point. He had tried. It's time for him to get some well-deserved rest.

_Hands slipping away from her cheeks... Slip slip away... Up or down? The face is moving away... a flow of blond hair... tickle her nose... twitch twitch... haha... is that funny? I didn't know that was funny... Learned something..._

_The ceiling is so close.. I can touch it... Why can't my arm move? Oh, I feel my tummy filling up with pee... I'll need to go to the potty room soon... Soon, not now... soon._

_Creak...bed... was that the bed? He's lying on the bed... Given up on me? That's okay... What is there to do about it? He obviously doesn't care about me... Not right now... Will he ever? Anymore? Why were you gone... for so long?_

**.**  
**.**

"Damnit...I can't do this... Fuck it all..." Muttering, Deidara heaved himself off the bed one last time, this time with less protest from his arms than was around twenty minutes ago. He thought he could just brush off the shrimp's basic 'Fuck-You' and silent obstinate refusal to acknowledge he even existed anymore and just spend the rest of this 24-hour day (six hours remained) resting up and prepare for another day of-what else?- resting tomorrow. Without the kid. But damn it all... Just leaving her on the floor? It got to him. Damn it all, it got to him for some reason.

She would sleep in his bed, simply because it settled his mind, even though he was still more than peeved at her for not giving a shit about his return.

He lifted the kid up by the head, propped her against his leg, and then heaved her up by her arms. She bent her knees awkwardly as they refused to cooperate and lock, much like a marionette doll held by its joints.

"Come on, time for bed. I'm tired as hell, yeah." He said none too kindly.

"Let's change your diaper, yeah." Gods, how he wished he didn't have to do this chore this one time.. a chore that had accumulated over the past week. Her diaper must be full to the brim with shit by now..! But oddly enough, the room didn't smell pungent of human waste... why was that?

Miko straightened her legs and walked past him, marching like clockwork into the bathroom.

"Whaaat? Don't tell me you know how to use the toilet, yeah? What, did Konan teach you?" If this was true, he'd have to thank her later. Maybe fashion a clay lotus for her. An unexplodable one. Not as beautiful, but a good gesture nonetheless.

The door to the bathroom was closed to about a crack; she hadn't replied to this comment. Though in her defense (why was he defending her?), it was more a rhetorical comment. And it's not like she would reply... she could barely speak..which sometimes got on his nerves when he thought about it, now that his irritation with her was beginning to brew and accumulate inside him.

The light wasn't turned on; why hadn't she turned it on?

Everything was silent... He stood in the middle of the room, barefoot with arms folded across his chest. The stretching of the muscles in his forearms protested with a deep-set muscle ache, but it felt good. It was the kind of ache that one achieves after working out extensively in all the right places.

Water trickling... inside a container... She was using the toilet...

Deidara closed his eyes and sniffed. He had to admit with a grudging reluctance, it was impressive. He never would have thought she would be able to do something like that at her age. Didn't kids who were abused basically end up retarded? Not able to dress themselves or feed themselves or speak or go to the bathroom without assistance? Maybe there was hope for this kid yet...

Sound of toilet flushing... She even knows good habits... Konan was extensive.

The door opened with a near-silent creak and there she was standing just outside the bathroom. He realized she was in the same dress he had put her in when he had left on his mission. Pure white with a hem that reached her knees and pink ribbons outlining the collar and waist.

"So she has worn the same dress all this time and put all the others in the fucking trash can?" he thought, "Konan wouldn't be that negligent. Perhaps she grabbed it out of the laundry pile and decided to wear it once Konan left? But why? And why put those perfectly good dresses in the garbage?" This clear breach of his own hospitality left a sour note in his head, one that wouldn't easily fade away.

He took a step forward, one leg forward to be exact. Held out his hand in her direction.

"It's time for bed, yeah... Let's change you into some jammies, kay?" _Jammies_...Why did this baby word suddenly make him mentally prickle with irritation and exhaustion...?

.

.  
"There... finally, yeah." It shouldn't have taken long, but Deidara was so consumed by fatigue that he trudged through the simple-now-Herculean-task like an old man, fumbling his fingers with the buttons and the zipper numbly and with failed precision. He wouldn't be surprised if it wasn't completely psychosomatic and it was the very truth that his hands weren't well-equipped to handle dexterous work at this very moment. But it didn't matter.

And she just stood there like a soldier, staring straight ahead. Eyes dim and dark with... Gods know what. He wasn't in the mood for soul-gazing or breaking down the iron walls that she mentally put up everywhere she went, every second of the day. She was basically dead. Emotionally—save for the crying spells and occasional mental 'meltdown' that took hours to calm down—and mentally... She couldn't dress herself, couldn't speak in a coherent sentence, let alone a single word besides "Mama" and "no" and her name, but that was only one instance; no need, since he wouldn't forget her name like she herself probably had... A real hollow shell he was dealing with...

_Damnit, I'm so fucking tired._

He was aggravated and exhausted. Miko could see the signs. The constant sighing, the furrowed brow, the dark circle under his one visible eye, the running of hands through his matted, sweated hair. Grumbling...cursing under his breath when he failed to connect the buttons to their respective holes or let the zipper slip from his fingers after a harsh haphazard tug in any hitherto direction.

Was this because of her? Why did she have the feeling that she was causing him undue stress? Always, always she was messing something up...

But the feeling was not as strong as it had been in the past. Before this extensive separation between them had come to pass. Miko had gotten used to inevitable failures and shortcomings and disappointing the man, so this didn't worry her head with the same intensity as the first few times she had feared she had done him a disservice.

She was tired of it. Tired of it all.

He obviously was tired of it. Tired of it all.

Both were tired. What better to do than...?

* * *

The former amputee had set his butt on the bed and, though reluctant at first, beckoned the child to him with a wave of hairbrush. Deidara had been working through the childling's dark hair as she stood turned-around and stock still, which -though repetitive and mind-numbing-was just what he needed to calm him down. Zen. Peace. Still sagging from the mental weight of nearly depleted chakra, but this sort of thing could hopefully get him to sleep easier, instead of lying in bed waiting for it to come to him (which would probably take a few hours, since his body would _indeed_mind changing from extreme workout to complete shut down that REM would provide).

Smooth and shiny it was. Long, long, unevenly long, with just the hint of curling at the tips. A few scars blighted her scalp where the follicles were beaten to death and could no longer sprout. Thankfully this was graciously hidden by the layers upon layers of extra tresses that frankly she could do well without. You'd have to be searching for them out of some odd desire to confirm exactly how many times she had been notably clobbered with blunt or sharp-rimmed objects (at least seven).

At first, it was a little difficult. Miko wobbled into place before his knees as if her head was suddenly too heavy for her body to sustain. Just like a baby. But after a few screech-worthy strokes of the brush ("Un, I'm sorry, sorry.. Jeez, calm down. I'm sorry!"), the kid had zipped her lip and remained silent up until now.

Up until now...

"Duh..."

Deidara, so engrossed in his mission to uncurl the tips of her hair that grew to her pointy shoulder blades, blinked twice and looked up to gaze at the back of her head. She hadn't moved one inch; Miko was a master at playing Statue.

"You say something, kid un?" The 'duh' wasn't a sarcastic, snot-nosed brat's method of confirming an obvious fact. It was the sound made when sounding out the single letter "D".

Silence for a solid minute. Had his acknowledgement of her having "spoken" rendered her mute once more? Damnit, he really was bad at this, wasn't he? Not knowing when to push forward and have her repeat or carry on with her attempts at verbal communication, not knowing when to just let her be. She was beginning to seem like a lost cause in Deidara's eyes, something that made him frustrated because he was the one who thought he could do this. He had eagerly scooped her up, thinking it would be a service to humanity, something he could settle his conscience with in a traditional self-serving fashion. _"Hey, I saved a kid from getting raped in the ass a hundred times a day, yeah!" _ would be his rebuttal to anyone who would doubt his morals or question his motives as being less than pure (which they usually were, but digression, digression...).

A squeal snapped Deidara out of his furious reverie. He had been tugging so hard at her hair with the brush that her neck was being reclined back along with it. Soft moaning loosened his hold and compelled him to untangle the tresses from the bristles.

He set the brush down beside him on the bed and let out a large sigh.

"Well I'm done, yeah. I'm done. I'm fucking done with all of this." He flopped on the mattress in spread-eagled fashion, letting out another exaggerated sigh.

"I'm tired as fuck." he muttered with a forearm stretched across his eyes, "and truthfully I don't want to deal with you right now, un..."

Five minutes passed. Complete silence. Just as Deidara thought that the kid had quietly slinked off into a corner to leave him in peace, he was proven wrong.

"..Duh."

_What? What do you want?_

But Deidara didn't say anything. He listened.

"Rah. Duh..Ruh...Duh..Rah..Deh..Duh..Ruh..."

Deidara was silent for a moment. Processing the syllables.. Deh-duh-ruh.. Dehduhruh.. Dei-dah-rah. Deidara.  
The man hastily righted himself and searched blindly for the child. She was right there, same as before. For the last how many minutes.

Her name was Miko. She said his name.. did she say his name? Did she really...

She was staring right through him, not even remotely startled by his sudden movement. "Deh-duh-ruh...Deh-duh...ruh." As if reciting the alphabet or a poem from memory. Robotic. It was supremely unnerving to him. Reminded him how simple it was for her to shut off her head and switch to auto-pilot as a means to protect herself. Unnatural, was what it was.

Deidara licked his lips, squinted at her. No shit? She was really saying his name? The syllables, at least? No way... how... what the hell brought this on? Why was he complaining again? He wasn't, he wasn't.. it's just that... Damnit, was anything he did really helping? Or did she just come up with this shit on her own? It would be _hilarious _if it turned out that he himself was doing absolutely NOTHING to help her learn or take care of herself, and that she was way more intelligent and able than he gave her credit for. Egg on his face and all that. Really face-slap-worthy... Damnit, damnit, damnit. This kid. Why was he angry? Unclench your fists, you moron. Stop getting so worked up... stop-.

A small hand lightly brushed against his knee. It jerked, a little kick, for he had not expected it. This made her pause in her recitation of her pseudobabble, for she had funnily enough been repeating the same thing while he had retreated to consider his "very important" musings.

_But with that one touch, all his animosity and petty irritation melted away. _

Magic was what it was. It was laughably idiotic how she could just clear the slate of his head with something as insignificant as giving his knee a mere tap. Almost too easy. Almost. So out of character for him. It took a few bombs and the guttural, dying screams of some random shinobi to cool him down when left to his own devices, but this kid...

Damn her for being such a... such a...So...

Miko cocked her head to the side, letting her long dark hair shift in the process; her parted lips held the thinnest thread of saliva between them, her eyes were sunken in with a pronounced dark half moon beneath each lid. So very pale and sickly-looking, but she herself seemed to be unaware of any suffering she may have been experiencing at that particular moment. It was if her senses were shut off to that very anguish, at least within this very moment. And her dress was horribly wrinkled and dusty , as if she had balled it up and discarded it on the floor for an extended period of time, then simply decided to slip it back on like no harm done.

"Deh-duh-ruh." She repeated. His name-he knew she was saying his name, he just knew it-spoken from those lips. The syllables spoken in a short staccato, enunciated, each formed with extra care, as if each beat had special meaning and needed to be considered before speaking the next one. Her eyes... those dull eyes... Did she even know what she was saying? Had she planned this? Had she been practicing all this time? Unlikely, he thought.

Deidara leaned forward, crossed one leg over the other as he supported one hand to his face, began massaging his lower lip with a tingly-feeling thumb. Hmm... should he say something? Or should he just bask in the detached, splintered chanting of his name? Kind of egotistical, but at the same time a little pathetic if he were to "indulge" in such a thing. Seriously...?

She's still going strong... like clockwork. Had she saved all her energy to ramble like this? La-dee-dum..dee-dum.

Heh, let's end this.

"Miko, yeah."

There was a split second of incredulity to flash across her face as the girl ceased speaking altogether-as Deidara had correctly predicted.

_Wha..wha...what? What..what..I..what..._

Deidara spoke again, his hand muffling the words that passed through his lips ever-so-slightly, "Hello, Miko..I'm back. Did you miss me?"

Haha, torturing the poor kid. At least he thought this was torture. If it wasn't, then that was all well and good, then. He was doing nothing wrong. But for some reason... some reason.. he felt like playing with her. I mean, how could someone not take advantage? Maybe he was being a bit of a bully, a bit of a brute by toying with her, but he was tired and gods know she didn't have her arms ripped off at the joint and then sewn back together less than an hour ago.

But, he thought, where was this all leading to? Would his sardonic _utterances _become too much for her? Would her little head get all in a tizzy? He wondered, mused momentarily on this possibility. Then he'd have to clean up the mess if that were to happen.

However, her insecurities seemed to vanish jointly as the blond's thought process steered towards the previously-written reflections.

Her eyes widened, her lips parted even farther as if in agape at what she saw before her (a fairly disheveled, fatigued, and handsome blond teenager, if Deidara did say so himself), her fists clutched at the hem of her white dress.

White dress...

He knew that look. This was how she expressed her nervous energy. His eyes flicked to her feet for confirmation. Yes, those little toes were digging into the carpet. Heh.

Was this a good thing? Deidara had yet to figure that out when she reiterated once more what she had been tirelessly reciting before he had rudely cut her off:

"Deh...dah...rah..."

"Yes...me..Deeeeeh-daaaaah-raaaaah.." The samely named man derived pleasure from teasing this kid, repeating her utterances with an even greater exaggerated slowness than she had managed to pull off. It was surreal to hold those letters on his tongue, stretch them out past comprehension as to their original intent-the sounding of his name-almost see them hanging in the air between the two. But she was oblivious to his jibes, blissfully unaware that he was making fun of her. Which made it even more amusing. "I see that you can say my name, sorta. Well done. Put a lot of practice in?"

She shook her head. No, she didn't. Oddly enough, she didn't. His presence on that bed just sparked something within her. Something that demanded to be set free.. and she let it... she let the syllables drop from her lips. And as if by magic, they held fast to each other to form his name. They were not just sounds, they were his name. Sounds that were once meaningless and trifling by themselves now became something substantial, something sacred, something to be repeated on end, because this was a momentous discovery, this was something she must share with him, something that he perhaps didn't even realize the weight this knowledge within her carried. His name.. his name was-

"Deh-dah-rah." _She_ said. She _said_. _She said_. She said.

He chuckled, something that made her shiver. Out of fear? Or was it... pleasure?

Happy-nervous-uncertain-pleasure-that-he-was-happy-so-she-was-happy-but-nervous-because-why-was-he-happy-was-it-because-she-said-his-name-he-was-making-fun-of-her-but-that-was-okay-because-you're-back-you're-back-you-are-back-you-.

"Hn, I guess I should apologize for the wait. Though I did say that I would be gone for quite awhile..." his eyes flicked to the carpet as he trailed off, probably lost in the memories of recent events outside of the room. Things she couldn't even conceive of. Things she would never know of. Not unless he told her. But how would she begin to ask? How would she even understand? It didn't matter. For Miko, it didn't matter. Because he was here...he was here? He was not here and now he was here. She was on the floor, and now she was standing right here in front of him. How did that happen? She had spoken his name... spoken his name? Oh yes, she had.. spoken..his name.. many times! Many times... Yes..

"You say something, kid?" With a small, short jerk of his head his bangs were flipped back, revealing that odd contraption attached to his left eye.

She knew what it was and what it could do, and when he lifted his hand, she focused on that "scope"-as it was called, waiting for him to _click click click_, but instead he simply fiddled with something behind his head. His worn-and-torn headband became loose and with a swift tug at the metal plate against his brow the cloth tails slipped out of his hair without any trouble.

Deidara made a great show of stowing his headband into the night stand's drawer, which in reality was on the opposite side of the bed; scooting north away from the kid and lying on his back atop the bedspread so he could have greater reach. He wasn't going to the trouble of actually getting up off the bed, walking around the damned thing, and putting it in. No, that would be the easy _and _hard way to do it.

He stretched an arm out and grasped the knob with his first and second finger, then quickly tossed the dumb thing carelessly into the drawer, shutting it halfway before sliding down the bed to his original spot.

Lifting his head, he found the girl had taken steps even closer than before; must've made her move while he was fiddling with that whatever...too tired.. to finish that thought...gods..

He sighed and picked the kid up and set her beside him without so much as a warning, and oddly enough, he didn't make any efforts to meet her eyes. His arms didn't cry out with as much indignation as before when he attempted this, but he could still _feel _some resistance to lifting something, however light or heavy it was. In this case, very light...very light and doe-eyed.

And then he let his hair down next. It always enchanted Miko how much hair he had. _Floof_, down it went. And there he goes shaking his head to help it fall back into its natural place. She could help him with that. All he had to do was ask...

"Phew..well I'm beat." He massaged the back of his head, looking everywhere but into her face.

_Look at me...why won't you look at me? I'm right here...Right...here..._

That long hair..so silky looking. In actuality it was severely matted with dirt and sweat, but those "facts" didn't register in her head; didn't matter at all. Not in the least.. his hair.. his evenly golden skin... his usually sharp and discerning eye, now weary and drooping slightly from exhaustion…

_Touch...I want to touch..._

Deidara's hand twitched. Something, or someone, was touching his hand.

He looked down to his right and who should he find but the little junior hunched over with her cold, dead fish hands touching his sorely beaten, recently-resewn-on one. Her hands were always cold as hell, but this was secretly welcomed by the blond. He was feeling overheated yet too lazy to do so much as wet a wash rag and blot his face and neck. He wondered with an inner grin if she would let him use her hands to temper his cheeks.

Up close Miko could see how sweaty he was. Sweaty and hot. He must be so hot. She was so cold and he looked so hot. He wasn't looking directly at her, more like an inch to the side. Why are you not looking at me? I'm right here... Sweaty, sweaty, dirty, sweaty..muscles..torn clothes..tired...owies...dirty...

Being this close to him she could smell his odor. It smelt sharp and..not quite dusty but...it was a smell that he often had on his person, most commonly emanating from his hands. It was a part of him, a contributing scent to his personal fragrance. In small doses it was relaxing and for some reason made her feel...things for him. She once smelled it and wanted to run to him and kiss his hands so very badly, but she had bitten her lower lip until her jagged teeth made sharp welts that disappeared only after an hour had passed.

But this was almost overwhelming. If she focused on the smell itself her eyes began to water. She blinked them back quickly. She was good at hiding tears; any tears, whether they be of pain, sadness, or minor irritants.

"Dah.."

**_Look at me.._**.

And as if he heard her desperate internal plea, Deidara's eye finally laid its sight on her. On her, right in the middle of his large pupil was her. She could actually see her tiny reflection in his eye...

Now she got what she wanted... now what?

_Um...ah...hah...I...ah..._

One of her hands twitched atop of his. Make a move. Touch... him.

"Time for bed, un."

_What?_

"Yes, time for bed..." he repeated, a mutter to himself. His hands slipped out from beneath hers, the pile of digits reduced to only ten, her own. Ignore, ignore, ignore. What..?

Deidara reached down and slipped off the heel to his leggings in order to take off his sandals. Aaah, much better. Why didn't he take them off when he first got back?

_Oh right, because I had no arms._

Wiggling his toes provided much-needed succor from the heat of adorning footwear for so long. His heels had been burning like hot fire, but he did not notice until after relieving them from the shoes. His hand made its way to his face and

All the while she was watching him. He could tell, but he chose to ignore it. Like he had been ignoring her this whole time. Keep it up...Why am I ignoring her again?

_Because I'll get swept up in the unneeded guilt that I left her all alone. Betrayed her? I didn't betray her, shut up. Because she's a twerp. And I don't need to be suckered into entertaining her on a much needed night off. Sleep. I need sleep. _

"Damnit.." His eyes ached terribly and he could feel a warm welt where his scope had been perched on his face as he removed it with a soft "_shpup"_. This happened regularly. The welts, that is. Rubbing it provided some relief, though he felt a little foolish for having such a mark, like some ass who had kept binoculars jammed to his eyes for so long that those prominent red circles had formed.. Ass...

Closing his eyes, Deidara groaned and turned to flop on the bed unceremoniously.

Unfortunately, in his fall he had caught the kid under him as well.

He heard a squeal as soon as his stitched forearm touched her scrawny little neck.

"Ngh..sorry, sorry...sorry! ...Sorry..." He wasn't _really _sorry, but sorry enough to say it as many times as he did. Gods...

Miko had been extremely frightened by the sudden collapse of the blond man. She could see he was tired, but she didn't know he was _that _tired.

Her face was smooshed into his damp shirt, which smelt of him. His sweat, his essence, his life, his adventures... Oh, it smelled so nice...

But he quickly lifted himself and settled next to her in the same prone position as before. There was some resistance, a little more than Miko was apt to admit (even to herself), noticing at the last second that her fingers were hooked into the fabric of his clothing and releasing him just before he could notice anything amiss.

She looked down at him, head resting on a soft pillow, untouched since he had left.

"Nnn, this smells dusty.." he murmured, "don't tell me you haven't slept in my bed since I left, un?" His eyelashes blinked away long fair hair away from his vision to fix a blurry stare at her. His mouth was hidden by pillow, so the child couldn't tell if he was frowning or smiling as he voiced his observation.

Miko's face felt hot.. Would he be angry at her if he knew the truth? She just didn't want to sleep in his bed. Because it was his bed and to sleep without him would be... selfish and intruding upon his personal things... right?

"Nah, it doesn't matter..."

Deidara didn't notice the breath expressed freely beside him, didn't care to focus on anything...

But almost mindlessly, he reached over, grabbed the child by the lacy scruff of her collar, and pushed her down so she was in a similar position as he.

Miko let out a weak mewl, but it was more out of surprise than fear. Usually he was very gentle with her, and this unforeseen act of brazenness was out of left field. But she quickly collected herself and turned her head to get a better look at him.

His hair clung to his forehead and cheeks and neck. His lips were dry and cracked, parted. His cheeks tinged red. His eyes half-lidded as they stared, though whether trained on her specifically or just her general direction she did not know.

"Scoot closer." It was a demand. An order. One she obeyed. No fear. He's tired. Go to sleep, Deh-dah-rah. Go to sleep.

Deidara's arm circled around her waist possessively. They were not fully embracing one another, but the close proximity garnered Miko a feeling of closeness and... and...

"Good night, kid.." he slurred, his lips barely moving.. Of course, he was very, very, very sleepy. So sleepy that she was becoming sleepy.

"Nah..."

Once she was absolutely sure that his eyes wouldn't reopen for quite some time, Miko let her own close.

Common courtesy and all that.

_Welcome home, Deh-dah-rah. I missed you. I've been a good girl. I think I've been a good girl... I hope I have. Yes, I can use the "toilet" now... I hope those owies don't hurt anymore. I'll kiss them later and make them all better for you, just as you made my owies all better._

_Deh..dah...rah._

* * *

**WOW! … ZAMPOW! SKREE! I AM THE DEMON HEARD ONLY BY CHILDREN! SKREEEEEEE!**

**Aah, good times...**

**This will be my last update in a long time. I don't know. It's been 5 months since the last one, am I right? And I apologize for that... BUT I'M NOT ABANDONING THIS STORY! I just feel that... I should take a break and think. Plus I want to re-do "Akatsuki's Angel", do a major rehaul of that dumb story, because I'm actually drawing and coming up with OCs for that story, and I want it to be PERFECT. (4 of them actually. I know, overachiever xD)**

**Truth be told, I typed this out maybe 2 months after the last post—at least a third of it—and then abandoned it.. mostly because I wasn't "feeling" the abused and neglected child within me, lol. And after I got past Deidara's arms being reattached, I didn't even look back to edit. Usually I read it and edit, but for this I didn't, because I knew if I did, I would stall myself..  
**  
**I hope nothing sucks. **

**Oh yes, Please review. If you would, please. I mean, they updated the review system, so all of you who use the "well I gots pop-up blocker xO" as an excuse can go suck it :D … Please review, it's not that hard. I know, it's hard for me to describe just what caught my eye and spoke to me as being "good" when reading a story that I really like. But just try.. say anything, even if what you say is more conversational than a review.. Talk about the chapters, discuss them with the author (me), I don't mind :D **

**OH YES! I've moved my shameless name-dropping ceremony down here! (DRUM ROLL)**

**I want to take this time to deliver a special shout out to these cool cats and darling...dogs? .-.**

**feathered moon** **wings**  
DeeaE  
_xXLoveXxXIsXxXDeadlyXx _(your name is so hard to remember! xO)  
**Nerd-With-A-Computer  
**ACryForHelp  
_lolzyukari  
_**RatchetNeededThat**  
Sparrowfeathers

**If your name wasn't listed, it's because you SUCK! Just kidding... OR MAYBE NOT! .. Nah. OR AM I? No :3 ... No seriously, maybe if someone reviewed a bit more, their name would be in my Hall of Fame (crosses arms and sticks nose in the air).. Nah, I'm just pulling all y'alls chains! Don't take it the wrong way if your name isn't listed. I just really feel that they should get a little something extra for their constant support and reviews. But reviews from those just stumbling upon this story, and anyone with interesting points or insight on my story also has an equal shot at a mentioning.. Though don't make it into a contest.. Was this a bad idea, putting these people under a microscope? Who cares! I'm clicking SAVE and UPLOAD before I consider my actions as wrong! :D Take care! AND REVIEW!**


	13. Rebuff and Reproach

**I have no excuse for not updating this other than...a stonewall of a writer's block, a severe lack of drive to continue this story, loss of interest in the psychology and neurosis of abused children, and life in general. When I think of things over and over again, they lose their "power" and I become "immune" to the ideas. It's a bad habit of mine to sit on an idea or a "mood" for too long and then inevitably lose the ability to feel it for a long time...**

**What has happened since my last update?**

Sandy Hook shooting; my graduation of Junior year in high school; my mom suffering from a hemorrhage in her stomach due to an ulcer; my baby sister Tadym turning 1 years old and walking, babbling, and acquiring an adorable snaggletooth; the ultimate decision by my mother and my grandparents of what I'm to do as a job and what colleges to look at (not that I'm complaining: quite a few things to stop worrying about); the inevitable farewell to some of the greatest friends I've made in my life, the Seniors in my AP US History class; the rotting of my brain from reading too much manga and the overall feeling that while everyone my age is only just beginning to "learn", my mind has begun to slow down and shut off... All that shit not necessarily in any chronological order... :O

**Also, I have a new profound interest in The Joker. I watched The Dark Knight and suffered from a freaky 3-day breakdown due to my brain unable to cope with the sheer insanity. It was like The Joker's aura and chaotic nature reached through the screen and grabbed ahold of my brain..**

**I'm all cool now. I think. I still get nervous discussing The Joker ._. , but there are some truly AWESOME Joker fanfics on here :O**

**I HIGHLY, HIGHLY recommend fanfics written by these authors on this site:**

Author: Doctor Harley Quinn

Fanfiction: Vivisection  
Fanfiction: Strategy (sequel to Vivisection)  
Fanfiction: Bad Jokes

Author: HoistTheColours

Fanfiction: Clockwork  
Fanfiction: Blackout (sequel to Clockwork)  
Fanfiction: High Speed

**These are scary-good, and these two authors' abilities to get inside the Joker's head and play him as the insane lunatic that he is (don't tell him I called him that o_o ) borders on mind-reading-freaky.**

**But enough about that! Let me get down to business...**

**I apologize ahead of time if anything seems rushed, sudden, or out of character. I typed up to the flashback (YES THERE IS A FLASHBACK IN THIS CHAPTER, YES I KNOW I TAKE UP TOO MUCH PAGE SPACE WITH FLASHBACKS -_- ) and I decided, "Fuck it, I'm NOT going to wait until the 1 year anniversary of me not updating anything to actually update it!" and typed it up as quick as I could while still reeling from the psychological cocktail of shock and awe from a recent chapter of **Doctor Harley Quinn's "Strategy". **Would it be odd to say that I'm now running on crazy-fumes from reading Joker fanfics? It's weird, isn't it? Yes it is.**

**I hope I still have readers out there who have this in their "Watch list" or whatever. Feel free to drop me a line and write a review! Even if it's just to say "IT TOOK YOU LONG ENOUGH, ASSHOLE!". I'd appreciate any addition to the number of reviews this fanfic could get. Next chapter may actually be up sooner than you'd think! And by that I mean "less than 2 months" or something. Who knows :O**

**SO ENJOY! I'll pester you about reviewing at the bottom ^_^**

* * *

There was something different about Deidara after he had returned from his latest extended mission. The horrible, painful-looking scars and seams applied to his once wholesome and unblemished arms was not what worried her. No. What it was…what she concluded after much scrutiny in a short space of time…

He was no longer…available to Miko like before… Not mentally, not emotionally….He even discouraged himself from her touch...

It was as if she wasn't in the same room as him...

Or maybe it was as if she had lost her initial charm and allure that enthralled Deidara to the point of him carrying her on his hip while he meandered around the room for no discernible reason, or balanced her on his knee as he sat at his desk with papers or clay, or cuddled with her under the comforter for a nap or story time nearly every minute they were together.

And this worried Miko. Worried her deeply. Worried her to the point of holding her snot-smeared face in her hands and screaming so silently loud that she nearly gagged to the point of vomiting (the latter of which up until now she had succeeded in avoiding). All of this done with her back turned from him, of course. Not that he would notice her hobbled self in the corner. Not now…

She wanted whatever had taken ahold of him, whatever was shielding his eyes from "seeing" her as something worthy of his interests and concern, to disappear and evaporate forever. Abandonment, desertion, expulsion, ejection from this newly-minted existence was becoming an ever-growing crisis pressing against her temples without interruption. If her head swelled as big as her whole body would he take notice? Would nothing short of something as extreme and terrifying as blowing up with worrisome thoughts like a balloon grab his attention?

What had changed? What had substituted the gentle man for a stiff and apathetic doppelganger?

It wasn't as if she could approach him for an answer. Never. She knew her place. Yes, he had always praised her foolish courage in the past: _"Don't be afraid, kid. I won't hurt you, yeah"_ and _"It's alright, you can ask me anything. I'll listen, heh…"_ Of course they were things one would SAY but not entirely mean. And of course he would say those things to her. It was the thing to say at the time. But now…the validity of those words was put into question: Was it really okay to bother him? Now?

The answer was—

….

Miko looked up from the pattern she had been drawing into the carpet with her finger to sneak a peek at Deidara for the fifth time in seven minutes. It was a taboo to look upon him so frequently and so brazenly without permission. One that she had instilled in herself for sanity's sake.

* * *

The first time he had caught her staring…It was during what she personally dubbed as the Clothing Days, when the dirty sheet that was first as a makeshift robe had been thrown out and replaced with the frilly dresses and outfits that Deidara appeared to be highly enthusiastic about.

A very dramatic and sudden change that forever transformed her—inside and out—but digression, digression…Miko wouldn't have been discovered that time if she hadn't ventured so close to his bedside. Hadn't been so conspicuous. Hadn't been so… needy. But like the naïve and stupid thing she had been at the time (and remained so even now), the child underestimated a ninja's ability to see through sneaky tactics, especially ones implemented by a mere child.

* * *

_Deidara had been lying on his bed tossing some white lumps of unknown substance in the air with one hand as his gaze remained fixed on the ceiling. She had parted the stringy bangs from her vision in an indiscreet effort to raise her gaze as high as it would go without tilting her head back, but couldn't see anything that would have garnered his interest._

_Crouching low, she implemented an unorthodox muddle of her hands, knuckles, knees, elbows, toes, and the balls of her feet to clumsily half-crawl, half-scamper from her barren corner of the room (not "her", exactly. Nothing in this room was technically "hers", but Deidara had never spoken up or clarified what specifically where the boundary between "His" and "Her" met and ended, so for narration's sake it would be "her corner") to the foot of the bed. She sat there for a beat, arms clasping together against her shins nervously, holding her breath as she braced her back against the foot of the bed stiffly. Waiting. Had he noticed her? Had he seen her pathetic attempts in skulking?_

_She paused for another beat, straining her ears to listen for any change of pace, any creak, an awkward shift, a breath that seemed out of place for the atmosphere that had held resolute until this very moment._

Wait..don't breathe..heart..my heart..it's hurting me…my neck..can't breathe..hurts..

_The sound of a soft and light whooshing, the emission of a lungful of air through one's nose. The source being the head of his bed. But it did not sound as if he was on the alert or aware of her position. No. He was just breathing out that air because he forgot to breathe normally for a second._

_She had that problem all the time. Whether through fear or..something else._

_She waited…she waited…she waited…waited for the courage that had inspired the spark of this crazy idea in the first place to return..where had it gone? Was she now stranded? Was the mission aborted? What mission? What would she do now? How much longer? If she waited longer, would the chance be passed up? Had it already been passed up?_

_He's not moving..can't hear him..is time even an issue? Do I have forever? Can I wait forever? Would it be worth it…?_

_In her mind's eye, the words GO and STOP were on the left and right of her, respectively. She bobbled her head as she considered her options. Yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no which one which one which one which one left right left right left right left right left right—_

_Stop. _GO. LEFT. Yes_._

_She breathed out slow, closed her eyes, opened them and turned around. She would raise her head and stand up. Yes. She would stand up and get his attention. It wouldn't be so hard. She would ask him to...to...she would...what..what did she want from him again?_

_She had forgotten._

_Now the gears in her head screeched to a halt at the daunting thought:_

_Did she need a reason to talk to him?_

_So far he had been the one to come to her, to approach her and ask her if she needed anything. So far he had been right on time when it came to hunger, her tiredness, and had a surprisingly accurate innate sense when it was about time for her body to take its course. Never had she been the one to step up and specifically say "I need this..."_

_Even if her tongue would allow herself to form those sounds, she would never utter them. Never. Not even think about them. Sinful. It was sinful to assume. Sinful to want, to ask, to request._

_So she would let him decide for her what she needed and when. It was safer that way. Easier._

_But as she searched her head, she could come up with no legitimate reason for doing this...this "stealth mission" of hers. No reason to bother him, she just..._

_Was it better that she had no reason? She herself was not begging for him, she only wanted him in the way that it would be perfectly fine whether he said "yes" or "no"._

_Perfectly fine. That was okay, right?_

_Safe to assume. Unsafe to assume. Only he knew the answer. But it would only be after she made her decision that he would hopefully reveal his thoughts on the matter._

_The man Deidara. His thoughts were precious and so far, benign to her._

_Shaky feet, shaky legs. Could she even bear to stand? Miko watched herself, head bowed...painfully raising herself at an excruciatingly slow rate. Focus. Don't look up. Don't look at him as you rise up. Would make her get cold feet and surely embarrass herself as she would undoubtedly sink back down in a mortified retreat._

_Up._

_Up._

_Up._

_Stop._

_There. Her height could reach no farther. This was her legs' limit. She was standing. Before, crouching. Now, standing... Crouching, standing, crouching, standing, crouching..._

_Miko blinked, forcing herself to cease the seemingly endless runarounds her head was too fond of creating with such a limited vocabulary at hand. She squeezed her fists experimentally, took an almost unnoticeable breath and raised her head to look at the feet of the man that owned this room, owned her-._

_"Hey kid..! What were you doin' down there, un?" Miko froze. Her eyes weren't working properly._

_He was right there at the foot of the bed lying on his stomach, as if he had been there the whole time she had been camped out down at the spot where she currently stood rooted to the spot. His chin was propped up by his fist. Golden hair blanketing his shoulders, the low-hung bangs nearly obscuring both of his eagle-sharp eyes. The expression on his face exuded amusement and nonchalance, laziness. Fitting for a person who owned her._

She couldn't blink, couldn't breathe. He had...known..this whole time? That she was right here? He..he knew..he knew..! He-he-

_"Did ya think you could sneak up on me, eh? Gonna have to try better than that, kid, yeah."_

_Deidara had known this whole time. She was surprisingly silent, but suddenly having a child in one's presence makes the ears and the mind do crazy things; it was impossible for him not to unconsciously track her every move, every sound, every breath. A new life in his domain was something to be monitored. And it looked like the realization was coming as quite a shock to her, the poor thing._

There..there the ..the...whole..time..he..hahaha...he .. he knew! HE KNEW!

_She hadn't blinked for over a minute. Deidara could see those green-flecked brown eyes becoming more glassy with each passing second. They weren't looking into him anymore. He frowned slightly, flicking his bangs back with a small jerk of his chin._

_Her chest wasn't expanding. Her nose wasn't whistling or snuffling. Her mouth was parted but her tongue wasn't rising._

_She wasn't breathing. She had stopped taking in air. He glanced down at her hands hanging limply at their sides. Mottled purple spiderwebs slowly crawling past her wrists..._

_"Hey..hey kid." He reached out and pushed two fingers into her shoulder. Her torso gave into it and rotated as much as the force Deidara applied would physically allow, then returned as soon as the pressure was removed._

_Damn, what the hell did he do?_

_Deidara sighed, dropped his head in exasperation, then refocused on her again. She hadn't moved one centimeter in those few moments. Big surprise._

_Miko couldn't breathe. She couldn't...move. He had been right there the whole time. He had … kno-o-own. He kneeew. Can't breathe. He knows. He knows everything. Everything. Her thoughts? Could he read her mind._

_Her insides felt as if they had been shoved up her throat with a steel pipe as his now-upright figure loomed over her. His shadow-though soft from the daylight streaming in through the window to her far right-felt cold. For the life of her she couldn't move. She was glued to the floor by her bewilderment. If he would decide to punch her in the face right then and there, her brain wouldn't tell her to duck. If his hands made their way under her dress and began to caress her inner thigh, her knees wouldn't buckle from the intrusion. If he leaned in and stuck his tongue in her mouth, there would be no opposition on her part from letting him consume her from the inside out._

_Whilst extreme sensations of nausea and inner heat flashes threatened to override her head, his hands did descend upon her person. But not in a fashion that would cause her "normal" self alarm._

_As Deidara lifted the child by the underarms to sit in his lap, he was struck by how...malleable she was. Her body folded without protest into any position he could desire. He opted for a classic "head-on-shoulder" hold, one that would still be comfortable for both of them should he decide to lie back on the bed once more and resume his nap._

_He straightened the hem of her dress caught in the crook of her bent knees without a thought, all the while listening pointedly for when she would finally inhale a long awaited breath._

_When she did, he relaxed._

_"There we go..." he muttered, ignoring the surprised tension of her skeletal form from the shock of hearing his voice so close to her ear. "Just take it easy, kid. Seriously, relax a bit, un."_

_Easier said than done._

_Was this okay? Was it? Doing nothing and receiving this as reward? It wasn't acceptable. Right? This shouldn't be happening..._

_From her position at his shoulder, she could feel every pulse of his neck as it beat soundly against her ear. The shift of the tendons there as he turned to eye her better from above._

_The puff of air from his nose that blew across her scalp was as intimate to her as a kiss. Her body experienced one full-body spasm before she forcibly clamped down on all movement, tense, steeled. Waiting._

_"You're too worked up," she heard him murmur, "take it easy, little one.." His voice adopted a saccharine tone at the end, one that evoked an emotion that her brain could not quite grasp: Bashfulness._

_With his sweetly dark tone, she would find her face heat up for no reason. These same words spoken verbatim by abusive men that drowned out her screams of pain with their own laughter in that musty old room..._

_Here they were...they were..._

_Welcome, accepted. If spoken by him._

_Shame. Embarrassment. Pure hypocrisy._

_Before Miko began to rip herself apart internally from this backwards dichotomy, Deidara tipped himself back onto the comforter of his bed._

_"Let's take it easy, yeah? You're always so high-strung." His long fingers piddling down her back in a teasing rubdown accentuated his words._

_He teased her, yet comforted her at the same time. It was a dangerous combination for Miko, one that frightened and embarrassed her._

_But what could she do? Nothing at the moment. Her "plan" had failed yet some guilty part of her enjoyed this failure all the same. Though still reeling from her mental perturbation, it was the kind that settled throughout her head like a fine dust, one that slowly became uniform and accepted. Better than a single irritating 'ping' that stabbed dully into her subconscious even as she slept._

_She settled into him. Not even bothering to hide her attempts at molding into his frame, fitting herself like a scrawny and pale puzzle piece against his own trim and tanned self. Almost from the very beginning Miko had realized the power his scent had on her psyche. A natural muscle relaxant and sleep aid._

_He gave off the smell of dry earth. Sharp, smoky heat. And somehow a soft...delicate tinge of something floral._

_The odor was strongest near his chest or the crook of his neck and she was thankful when he laid her head on his shoulder. He was so nice. She was utterly frozen by some unspeakable force and he knew exactly what she wanted without even asking. He knew her.._

_He knew her already...Was she that obvious?_

_Deidara ran a hand through his bangs with his free hand while shifting the other under the girl's bum for more leverage. "You're a real piece of work.." he thought aloud. The Akatsuki member sighed, utterly confused but at that moment unwilling to pursue such an eclectic and erratic personality such as hers. Attempting to understand such emotional whiplash would be nigh impossible. Time would hopefully make him understand. If he even wanted to..._

* * *

"What are you looking at, un?"

His clear-cut words sliced through Miko's skin. It took a few moments for her eyes to blink away the blurriness and refocus on the subject she had been gazing at.

Oh no. She had been staring at him. The whole time she had replayed that memory in her head, the one of her staring, watching, creeping, and now in reality, here, now, here, now, here-now, here and now..he...

Irony had never tasted so poisonous.

Deidara's gaze hardened considerably as he gazed at the normally-mute, feeble-minded, easily frightened, painfully shy, gaunt, stick thin kid in his tow. On the carpet floor sitting a child's version of seiza. She was surprisingly good at it for one so young. Her bear draped over her lap as if playing dead or awaiting open-heart surgery. Rumpled dress that he paid for out of his own pocket...

In the way back of his head, a place where thoughts were felt but not expressed nor articulated in such a way that his own consciousness could decipher, he felt a sense of confusion towards his sudden irritability toward the child.

Everything she did, everything she was galled him to no end. Her inability to actually speak a full sentence; her drawn-out decision-making time; the fact that she never looked him in the damn eye if she could help it; that frozen-in-stone expression she wore whenever she was "caught" doing something "bad".

It pissed him off to no end. It was like...like he was beginning to grow weary of her presence. As if her..novelty was now beginning to wear off. But he wasn't that shallow, was he? He wasn't. It was just that...

Deidara put his pencil down and turned in his seat to face her as he slouched down in self-defeat, stretching his legs whilst pulling a hand through his long bangs.

He was just having a bad day.

Bad day? Try bad week. Try bad month.

Alright, bad "any time". Does that work?

Fisting his forehead hard enough to leave dents where the knuckles dug into his skin, Deidara clacked his jaw together once and then spoke to her:

"Kid, get over here. Hurry up, now."

She was swift. He was amused at the fact that she could recognize any tone he used and acted accordingly. In this moment she knew there was no room for negotiation or patience to stall time.

The mound of his palm kneaded his right eye as he looked through his curtain of blond hair down at her. She peered up at him with that trademark "lost" expression that all poor waifs like her possessed. Her eyes were still beautiful. A little dull, but expressive when they wanted to be. They really shined when she cried. He wasn't ashamed to almost want to see that special glimmer that occurred when her eyes sheened over with tears. The sniffling kind of ruined it, but only a bit.

"You..." he said simply. In truth, he didn't know what he was going for when he said that, but any tiny shred of attention previously divided was now given to him. Her straightened back and white knuckles tightening around her teddy bear's arms were proof of that.

The blond sighed and Miko was becoming more and more confused with each passing moment. What? Why? Now? How...?

_Do you want me now?_

_Please...I want you to..want me._

What was with that look in her eyes? Like a puppy begging for scraps... His attention? Was that what she wanted?

Before he could stop himself, his mind spat out one word that slammed behind his forehead with the force of a train:

_Pathetic._

Agh, he was becoming heartless. Not her fault. Well, not entirely her fault. Having a kink in the works-what with having his partner whom he understood on a personal,_ artistic_ level-dying, and by a Leaf ninja and his own granny at that! Well, that'd make anyone sour and ruffle their feathers, metaphorically speaking of course.

Still, it had been nearly a month since that dumbass puppet got himself iced, and he was only recently introduced to his new partner.

It fucking didn't help his overall mood that the newbie was completely off-the-wall crazy.

Not the kind of crazy that fed on bloodlust or decaying morals of a fargone society, no...

The fucking crazy-hyper-crazy. Fucking great.

Was it because he planned on bombing the whole Sand Village, women and children be damned? Is that why Buddha was punishing him? With a dark chuckle he thought it hilarious when an absurd idea popped into his head:

He thought adopting the kid was enough to clean his karma up just a little bit. Obviously it wasn't. Shocker.

He called her over, but he said nothing except those terse quips. Miko didn't know what he wanted. She hoped it was something good. Well, something not bad..Well...Something that she could live through.

He seemed so...angry. Why was he angry? She was sorry if he was angry. Really sorry.

What could she do to make up for it?

Deidara threw his head back, letting his bangs fall to join with the tresses flowing down his spine. He looked to the ceiling. Why had he called her over again? Now he didn't even want to look at her anymore. Damnit. He didn't know what he wanted with her. Or what to do with her. Wouldn't it be funny if he simply dropped her off at some village because he had grown _bored_ of her? Wouldn't that be fucking hilarious? Hilarious! Justified! He was a criminal, he should have no trouble making decisions like this. Why did he think he could have taken care of her in the first place? The kid got on his nerves more and more nowadays, and not even for doing anything. He was just so...ANGRY.

At what? That new member, Tobi. That was it. But his irritation seemed to bleed into every other thought he held nowadays. Fucking perfect.

Miko began to grow more and more disheartened with every painful second that passed. He was not looking at her. He called her over but he was not talking to her.

Was she that undesirable?

The teddy bear she was holding squished and warped as she squeezed it hard within her tiny fists. She couldn't take it anymore. Being ignored. This dress, she was in a dress.. Wasn't she pretty? Wasn't she nice to look at? Wasn't that why he gave her these clothes?! So that he could undress her with his eyes as if giving himself a gift to eventually unwrap!?

WHY DO YOU NOT WANT ME? WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY -

"Hey, kid! Kid! What the hell!" Deidara was caught off guard as a small yet surprisingly sturdy bullet rammed itself right into his knee and began to bite and scratch and kick and punch and slap and bash itself against him. Just out of nowhere. One second, silence. Next second, an explosion of screaming and flailing limbs. The shock almost made him fall out of his chair.

"Hey! HEY!" She wasn't listening. He tried to push her away, to drag her by the large pink bow on the back of her dress like a leash but she jerked like a wild animal, hair whipped around her face and chipped teeth bared against her wobbling lower lip, trying desperately to remain latched onto his leg.

"Kid! Miko! Stop it!"

With a swift jerk, Deidara brought his leg up. His foot fit perfectly right between her legs. The sudden lurch stopped the girl's madness right in her tracks. For a moment all she did was hang onto his leg like a sloth to a tree branch, socked feet curled and lifted an inch off the ground. Her eyes wide, her face frozen in anguish and sorrow. Those eyes. Those eyes. They were glossed over but it was with desperation, fear, panic.

Miko didn't know what had just happened. Her brain had shut off and now with a dull ache in her groin, it had turned back on again. Just in time to take in his expression.

No...

What had she done to make him pant like this? His hands gripping the sides of his chair, as if working against a powerful force that wanted to tip him off of it. His eye. That kind blue eye that had winked and crinkled with mirth at the beginning..now it exuded suspicion, wariness, indignation, and that one flash of light..that..!

Was that..

It was.

Malice.

No.. Nooo...No.

Miko didn't feel her face hit the carpet when she clumsily slid off his strong leg. Her face was shut off, that was it. The feeling to her face was shut off. Because there were more important things to worry about.

She sat up, refusing to look him in the eye. Her head was swimming, it was threatening to detach from her neck, it was blowing up with air. At the very thought of..!

She had...ruined everything.

Ruined. Broken. She broke..she broke it..she broke his love. She broke it. Broken broken broken broken broken!

She opened her mouth. She inhaled. And began to scream.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!"

Deidara jumped at the sound and instinctively clapped his hands over his ears. Holy fuck! He never knew she had this much sonic boom to her voice.

_I'm so loud...me loud. Mama. Mama. Mama! MAMA! I want to die! I broke it! I WANT TO DIE! I BROKE IT!_

The tears wouldn't stop. She couldn't breathe. She was screaming out her very life through her mouth. She couldn't breathe. Pressure was building up inside her head. It was surely going to explode. She couldn't breathe. She would never be able to breathe. It was all going out. Nothing was coming back in. She needed to scream to let it all out.

But it wasn't letting up. In fact the pulsing in her head began to spread into the furthest recesses of her mind, blanketing every single thought with a familiar toxic burning known as panic. So she screamed louder, and louder, and louder, and _louder_, and **louder** and **_LOUDER_**.

This one-note wail lasted a good thirty seconds, and all the while Deidara was forced to grind on his back teeth as he stared hard at the red-faced, dress-fisted, squinted, semi-toothless, bawling toddler standing at attention not a foot away from him. If it hadn't been for the handful of genial and truthfully "fun" times they had shared in the past few months, he would not have had any qualms with embedding his fist into her gut to hasten the expulsion of the kid's air supply. To be honest, Deidara's mind would have been locked in a serious debate over whether or not to do just that had Miko's crying not ended in a painfully high-pitched and hysteria-tinged note when it did _(Five more seconds and..fuck it. I'll fucking do it-)._

The only sounds Deidara could hear-amazing he could still hear because the girl's scream cut through his useless hands and into his ear drums like a knife-were Miko's spastic gasps for air and the odd shuffling in the next room through the fairly thick walls.

"Well," he thought, glancing at his closed door, "if anyone didn't know about her, they do now."

Deidara's eyes flicked back to Miko, who had by now collapsed in a heap on the floor and was busy snivelling and caught between attempting to babble in her primitive baby-language and crying even more. All-in-all what spewed from her mouth was a chaotic mess.

"Mah..bwaahanngh...aaaangh..bughhawwwaaan oooh oooh oooh!"

Her face was beet red and he had never seen her face contorted into such an ugly and frightened mask of fear and pain. Never. A line of drool ran past her lips and down her chin, wetting the carpet. Her little hands were red from squeezing and tugging at the hem of her dress. Now they grasped at the rug nap as if trying to find leverage to sink into the floor.

It was pathetic.

She was the embodiment of mounting hysteria. In truth, simply the sight of her set Deidara on edge.

His long fingers curled tightly into his palms on his knees. He had the sudden urge to grab her by the collar, slam her back down onto the floor, and then..

And then what?

Give her something really tragic and painful to cry about. Not rape her, heavens no. Scare her. Wrap his fingers around her neck. Stare back into those fucking doe eyes and reveal to her what true dissonance of morality looks like.

_The state of our "friendship" is the least of your fucking worries. You should be more worried over whether or not...WHEN I'll dump you in some random patch of fucking wilderness without another word. Just like that. Goodbye. No more words. All on your own. No one to hear you scream, least of all..me._

**_Don't..._**

**_Push..._**

**_Me..._**

"Hugk...aaangh..mwaagaaa..uguuu..."

**_Shut up. SHUT. UP._**

"Mahma..maaamaaa..."

Deidara felt like screaming.

_Your mother was a whore who willingly let her daughter be fondled and fucked by random strangers since the first day of your pathetic little life. You should be begging for me. Your fucking savior. You ungrateful little bastard-_

Deidara's leg unintentionally stiffened when she felt her wet face press against his pants leg. Her lips were moving, and she was mumbling something, but it was a low buzzing that his ears couldn't pick up. He inclined his head and gazed down at her, oddly curious in a detached way.

His visage was set in stone when they reunited each other's gaze. Her face was a mess. Full of snot and tears and spit, all from rubbing her face against the floor like an animal or a moronic patient at an asylum. Her eyes were shot. They were gone. For now, Miko was gone.

She dropped her gaze and focused on his stomach. Deidara was wearing a mesh shirt.

Her hand reached out and...wait.

Not his stomach.

Her small hand caressed the zipper to his pants, delicately, gently, almost fondly.

Wait.

Painfully slowly, so slow yet too quick for Deidara's mind to process, she undid his pants.

Wait. Kid. Wait. What the fuck. Fucking stop.

Her gaze was focused, determined, set on the task between his legs. Her hands were painfully gentle. Gentle. For this. For what? _For this?!_

Her hand stroked the soft bulge tucked away in his underwear. She knew... she knew where it was. Where_ it_ was. That special thing that he had but had never let her see. It struck her as odd how she had never seen it. Why not? She was meant to see it. That's how it worked. How her world worked. He tricked her into thinking that he didn't want _it,_ didn't want her "that way". Lies. He did. That's why he was so mad. Because she was here and he wasn't letting himself do anything to her. When he could, when he _should_. Anything he wanted. She would cry at first, but after wrapping her head around the reality of the situation, she would lie back and accept it. It made things easier for both of them if and when she did that. Silly her, thinking that a man could be satisfied, could be _happy_ for long without her. He hadn't touched her like that, but that was fine. He didn't need to tell her outright that he wanted her. She KNEW. She had sensed him staring at her while she was idling in the tub behind the supposedly closed bathroom door, when she was sitting on the floor playing with her stuffed bear, while she was busy undressing... This would be a good time to repay him for all he had done for her. This would erase all his anger. Clear her conscience for once. She had cried so loudly, he must surely be hard from seeing her tears. They liked it when she cried. They liked it a lot.

Deidara wasn't hard. If anything, all the blood below his hips was being redirected to his brain, which was now pulsing so painfully that he wouldn't have been surprised if it had begun spilling out of his ears. Yet why couldn't he fucking move? Why was everything moving so slowly? He could see what she was about to do. Her plan. It was like the present and the future were layered on top of each other, like a transparent plastic outline laid over a sketch on a piece of paper. He could separate the two streams of time easily and yet they meshed together seamlessly.

She was...

Miko's brow furrowed was it soft? It wasn't hard? Why was it soft? Why? She needed to know why. Was something wrong with it? Was it not working properly?

Her fingers pushed themselves into the Y-fold of his underwear and...

It was without warning.

There was nothing that could've possibly tipped Miko off.

In one second, she was airborne.

The next, her head back had hit the wall. She crumpled into a heap without knowing what hit her.

Her brain sent painfully loud alarm signals when he heard the violent scraping of a chair and fierce footsteps tramping towards her at a remarkably fast pace.

Her head barely barely spat out this last thought before...:

_This is it._

Miko lolled like a rag doll as she was lifted into the air. Her neck cracked from the force of the slap to her right cheek. It burned so much that the skin almost instantly numbed from the pain. The same occurred with the opposite cheek, which she would feel days afterward whenever her eyes would gaze upon him.

She couldn't see anything. It had suddenly become dark in his room. Everything was the darkest shade of blue imaginable. Were her eyes even open?

Her feet were now touching the floor, but no support was necessary. His hands had a firm grip on the collar of her dress. She could not think, not see, and -almost- not feel the punches to her face.

She could hear his grunting, his panting. Panting in her face as he pummeled it in. Smashing her cheeks, her eyes, her jaw. It was almost like being stepped on repeatedly by a crowd of people. Only this was one person. All the while he was screaming obscenities. Well, it was as loud as screaming. Maybe because the rest of the world was stiflingly silent while he continued to "punish" her.

She tasted blood. It was everywhere. She was swallowing so much that she was afraid that this was now her new method of respiration. Take in blood, not oxygen. Chaos. She wanted it to stop..._ please stop..._ She couldn't say that word.. That word that she knew he hated at this very moment. One she couldn't stop her brain from chanting as her body twisted and writhed under his blows:

Sorry. I'm sorry. So sorry. I'm sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. But..why...? Why?

He was an impatient person, but his truly (dare he say it) "explosive" wrath was rarely tapped into. Deidara could only count on one hand the number of times he had been this severely pissed off, this provoked to inflict injuries on another human being with his own bare hands. Personally he found it too barbaric and shamelessly brutal from a purely aesthetic view; after all, he was an artist and a calculating and discerning one at that, not a nameless thug who kicked the shit out of people for the hell of it.

But this was different. This completely diverged from quaint thoughts like fanciful "ideals".

Deidara's brain had long since officially shut down. His hands were so quick in slapping across the child's face that he actually sliced her cheeks with his nails a few times. They rang out as especially loud whenever this occurred.

Miko's chest felt strangely empty as the bruises and welts began to engulf her face. The ghost of that valuable word.._safety._.she had fooled herself into thinking her new world possessed melted into her soul's tiniest of corners, permeating and dissipating in their shadows. It wasn't that it was only an illusion, per se; reality only deemed it nonexistent.

Deidara couldn't think, wouldn't think. If he thought, he would stop. If he stopped, she might start _screaming_ again. He couldn't stand the idea of her screaming. If she made anymore of that horrible noise, he might be forced do something irreparable, something absolutely _horrible_. The bomber would admit he had already snapped, somewhat. He wasn't going to mend himself halfway through. That wasn't how things were done. That wasn't how _he_ did things.

Every slap was a cut in his lungs. Every punch rattled his skull.

Die...Die...Die...Die...DIE.

_I want you dead. I can't see you in this fucking darkness, but I can feel your skin splitting under my knuckles. I can hear the blood trickling out of your nose. I can taste your fear and your sweat. I didn't make that shit happen. What do you want from me?! Leave me alone. Stop looking at me as if I'm a saint. You deluded little-_

The moment after he landed the first fist into her ribs, he knew he wouldn't ever be able to redeem himself.

But he was a criminal. And there are few differences between the damned and criminals, anyway.

Besides. He didn't deserve her forgiveness or her understanding. And she didn't deserve his sympathy. Not for this.

With a loud grunt of frustration, the last fist slammed into the floor not an inch next to Miko's bruised ear. Sweat dripped down from the man's brow and onto the girl's finger-printed neck, where it slid down to land on the floor silently. He couldn't see, wouldn't see the victim lying motionless beneath him.

Deidara bit his lower lip so hard that he began to bleed almost immediately. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck.

The only sound to be heard besides his own vicious panting was the blood rolling down his chin and dotting her white dress, mixing with the stains of her own tears and snot.

_Tp..tp...tp...tp...tp.._

* * *

Time didn't exist.

Pain took care of that by eliminating it from the forefront of Miko's mind.

Everything...hurt.

And the baby inside her, the one that had remained silent throughout her "discipline" ages before, was beginning to emerge from whatever dark shelter it had taken cover under.

It was in pain, too...and...frightened.

In a fluid-like instance, her head had been drained of the stoic, pensive 'woman' that had taken the blows accordingly and dutifully and was now replaced by "sweet, baby Miko".

It was if she had just woken up from a sensory-deprived nap.

A violent shudder racked her entire body, much like an ancient machine attempting to reboot its system after being offline for so long. Her head snapped back and forth, eventually hitting a hard surface. In that second she was not sure if it was the floor or the wall that stopped her cranium from bobbling.

_It hurts..._

Miko's ears perked up at the sound of footsteps making their way toward her.

It was completely black. She couldn't see anything. She tried to blink but found she couldn't. Her eyes were too swollen. They were swollen completely shut. She was blind. She tried to swallow but broke out into a coughing fit. Her windpipe was constricted. By what, she didn't know. Maybe it was the hand-shaped bruises left by him hours earlier... And it wasn't if she could respirate normally, either. Something was sitting on her chest. Something invisible and heavy. Either that or a thick band cinched tight all around her middle.

Her back lay on the cold floor. That was where he left her after he had finished, and she hadn't moved an inch since. There was no need. No need, no want.

When hands gripped her waist, Miko whimpered pitifully.

"Bwuugh...bwuuugh..." The girl's protests escaped her before she could stop them. They were really just puffs of air passing between her lips. It was almost like every breath was a renewed whine. She couldn't stop it. Please... I'm sorry.

To her surprise, the hands moved north and gripped her ribs.. Sharp stabs of pain erupted from the contact, but Miko said nothing. Her limp body was gathered into strong, taut arms. Her face was pressed against a warm chest. It smelled like earth.

Miko was so afraid. Despite such gentleness, she was afraid. The blood running through her veins ached, as if liquid fire flowed beneath her skin. Afraid. So afraid.

She shivered and despised her very existence for it.

She swallowed, coughed again, and wished she were dead.

She mewled against the chest, and hoped that she would be dropped unceremoniously and knocked unconscious for her sheer stupidity.

She instinctively settled into the soft blankets that steady hands gently laid her upon, and dared to wonder if this was a dream.

She felt a calloused thumb wipe a stray tear away from her cheek, and deemed this as-strangely-one of the most vulnerable moments in her entire life.

She puckered her lips and she let out a quiet, pained whimper, stiffening at the sensation of his breath fanning her face in calm waves.

He didn't need to say it. She knew. Miko knew. That word that she knew he hated. That she hated. He was acting that word.

"Sorry, un."

For a crazy moment, she wanted to confess to him that she was frightened. Frightened of him.

The only sound that came from her lips was a soft gurgle. "Uguuh."

So pathetic. He began stroking her hair with long fingers. She still couldn't see. She was so afraid. She couldn't see.

His gentle fingers terrified her more than his clenched fists at this point.

She parted her swollen lips, brushed her tongue against swollen and toothless gums, and tried again.

"Uguu.."

"I know."

He knew. He understood and he knew. For some reason that made tears reappear in her eyes. They stung the cuts on her cheeks as they fell in rapid succession.

But his fingers were there to wipe them away. Like clockwork. As she stared into the darkness and lay as still as a corpse, barely managing to breathe at regular intervals due to her throat being semi-permanently clenched. All the while his hair ghosting over her nose, her cheeks, her blackened eyelids as he leaned down to murmur in her ear.

Her whole body twitched at the sound of his low tenor directly speaking into her mind. The shell of her ear caressed by his voice.

Then his hands and voice were gone. Just like that, they slipped away. She was left alone in the silence and the darkness. She wanted to cry. She wanted to scream. She wanted to mewl like a little kitten.

He was back. But something was different. There was a warm source near her. Light? She couldn't see, but there was...a yellow aura to her right attempting to penetrate the skin of her eyelids. It was hazy, as if by having her eyes closed she was creating a "fog" that prevented any flare from reaching her, warming her. Her gut reaction was one of loneliness.

Without warning, he sat her up. She coughed as breathing had now become a laborious chore. A hand reached behind her and unzipped her dress. Her body was pulled and tugged any which way as he slipped the garment off her person, the lightest brush of the fabric against her new abrasions and bruises invoking the most painful of burning sensations. But she remained silent.

Painfully again, her arms were thrust into a button-up sleep shirt. The fabric burned her skin but Miko made no indication that this was the case.

When he laid her on her back and slipped off her underwear, she focused on the pulsing of her own eyeballs. When hands spread her knees apart, the small child wondered if she could make her body float to the ceiling if she thought hard enough. When the tabs of the diaper were taped onto her bony hips, she wondered if she would ever have the strength to use the toilet on her own again.

As pants were slipped up her legs, Miko realized that despite the layer of clothing just put upon her, she was freezing. Despite having no energy to move willingly, she began to shake and shiver violently. If she had anymore teeth they would've clacked together noisily as she suffered these muscle spasms. Instead her gums squished messily against each other as blood flowed down her throat in a sickening stream.

Miko's throat closed in on itself; propelled by some unforeseen force within her, the little girl sat up abruptly and let her body hack away to rid itself of the sensation of suffocation via drowning. Coughing expelled the metallic-tasting liquid into the darkness. She had no way of seeing where it landed, But through the harsh pounding in her ears she heard a mixture of a gasp and a huff. He was still close. And she had sprayed him with her germy, bloody spit. Immediate terror overwhelmed her entire body.

Her first instinct was to get away. Her ears had shut off. Her eyes, useless. But she would get away. She would crawl, drag herself if she had to.

The impact of her face to the carpet when she dove out of the bed barely impeded her. The true challenge was the pair of strong hands latching themselves around her hips as she attempted to gather herself and crawl away to safety.

_No..no..away..away...crawl...away..get away...cough...I can't see...see...hurts...away...Just...get...away! Never bother him again! Never look at him again! No food no dresses no bears no pillows no hugs no smiles no look look look look look no looking! Nothing! None none none none! Stay away! No more! No!_

The phantom pains of the beating she had received hours prior resumed its sadistic dance. The pounding drove stakes into her temples, her eyes, her mouth, her chest. All the while she struggled against those hands, those hands that wanted to seize her, trap her, hold her, slap her, scratch her, choke her, kill her...

They had moved to her ribs, her painfully bruised ribs, and had lifted her into his lap. She thrashed, she wailed woefully, arching her back to twist out of his grip.

No.

No no no no no no! No!

It hurts! Hurt! Hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt! HURTS HURTS HURTS HURTS HURTS!

….

Despite the child's painfully desperate attempts to escape Deidara's grasp, in the end she gave in. Not of her own accord, though. She had simply run her body into the ground, so to speak. It gave out before her will had succumbed to the inevitable. One second, fierce struggling of a hysterical toddler, the next second...

Lifeless doll.

The change was jarring. Deidara almost dropped her out of shock that he had somehow scared her to death. But he could still feel her pulse.

He bit his lip. Loosened his iron grip on her torso. His nails had been digging in so hard that little blots of red were beginning to soak into her night shirt.

Goddamnit.

The rueful blond gathered the small thing into his arms, supporting her head much like a baby, tucking her legs and arms into his chest. Her hair brushed aside as he caressed her face with slightly shaky hands.

Those fucking eyes.

They were gone. She couldn't see him right now. Too swollen to see the remorse in his gaze. Damnit.

His next words were whispered into her blood-caked hairline:

"I am a monster. You should have realized that earlier...why didn't you, un?

What am I going to do now?"

It would be sheer foolishness on Deidara's part to claim that something hadn't snapped within him in that one moment before. It seemed like minutes ago, but in fact two hours had passed between then and now.

Despite that...

Of their own accord, of their own volition and want (stop), a large tanned hand settled against her clothed neck. The thin bones there seemed so delicate and indeed during that ...time he had a thought that it would've been child's play to make a fist and pound incessantly until her collarbone broke like china beneath his strength.

_Break. Snap. Bleed. Cry. Cry for me...Shut up. Shut up. Shut. Up._

A desperate cough snapped Deidara out of his thoughts.

His hand was around her neck, squeezing. Her face was scrunched up in a hideous way, trying to shake him off by shaking her head feebly, her hair tickling the skin of the arm supporting her.

He let go after a moment, numb and oblivious to her distress. At this point, he didn't know why he was holding her. Why he cared.

Why did he care anymore?

She was cute...but what was her _purpose_? To entertain him? To keep him company? She wasn't an animal. She was a living person. A fucked-up human being that couldn't even take care of herself. How could she possibly even make a fraction of a positive impact on his stress or mood? Yeah, in the beginning it was hugs and sweet words...

_Now it's like they've all dried up._

..

_Please don't hate me. I'm sorry. Tell _him_..I'm sorry..Sorry.._

"Ghhhghh hughkah..." Her attempts at communication failed, yet again.

"Hush, yeah." Was his only reply.

Miko didn't want to sleep. She didn't want to. Her head was pounding painfully anyway, and rainbow dots were popping behind her swollen eyelids. They were too bright for her to ever consider nodding off even if her body and mind had long since used up all energy and efforts to...preserve herself.

_Don't sleep...my head hurts...really bad...it hurts..it hurts.. it hurts..._

Her face couldn't feel the finger that brushed away the second round of tears leaking from her bruised eyelids as her mind allowed itself to be absorbed by the cool and all-enveloping darkness. The kind that the pinpricked color lights couldn't penetrate. The kind that offered a numbness that truthfully, she didn't want. Not yet. Not when she still had so much to tell him...

_It hurts.._

* * *

**Herro again! I promised you I'd bother you! So...**

**REVIEWREVIEWREVIEWREVIEWREVIEWREVIEWREVIEWREVIEW!**

**(Jumps on your chest with cleats on) Review review review review :D**

**Please..**

**And just so you know, this clocked in at around 34 pages on Google Docs in Arial 14 point font.. That enough of an update for ya? Probably not. Hopefully you ate this whole pie and didn't just skip to the end and said "done!" which is truthfully what I would've done. Hell, if there are any inconsistencies with this chapter it probably only proves that... ._. **

**So yeah.. Bye :o**


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